ANSWERS: 38
  • get over it! Her past does not matter. What is her character like? You sound insecure to me. Have you disclosed your ENTIRE sexual history to her? Ar e you Jealous?
  • You just have to learn to let go of the past if you want to move on.
  • I prescribe Prozac
  • Well unless you want to be part of her past then let it go,dwell on the future or something but dwelling on something that cannot be changed is useless.
  • Here is the thing. She took my virginity. She has had intercourse with 11 people, and has done sexual favors on a lot more. She loves me and I love her, and I have tried everything to not think about it. 2 of her friends she performed oral sex on before we were dating. Now, when they come over to visit, I get very angry, but I try not to show it. I really want this to stop. I don't know how... It isn't as easy to deal with as it sounds.
  • Think about it this way: she was with those other men, and she picked you. What is better- to win a race against two or three other people, or to win the New York marathon? Not that I'm saying she's been with as many people as run in the marathon, but you get the idea. :) The point is she picked you, so be glad.
  • If you love her so much, you would be happy for her having a full past life and choosing you. Her life and experiences are what made her the girl you love.
  • This is why I don't subscribe to the theory that couples should disclose everything about their sexual past. STD's? Sure! But blow-by-blow (excuse the pun!) descriptions of sexual encounters? No way! I think you should consider that her past makes her the woman you love today.
  • It's a tough one. If you really can't let go and feel that this will ultimately cause problems in your relationship, you may want to seek help from a therapist. They may just be able to help you focus on something else and ultimately let go of it. That said. I'd also ask her not to associate with her former booty calls out of respect for your feelings.
  • I am not frustrated with her though about the past sexual encounters. I get angry at the guys, because she was drunk a lot of the time and I feel like they raped her. I get so angry at them that I wish I could just wipe them off the face of the earth. But since I can't do that, I feel lost. She is 18 and I am 18 also. She does tell me that she regrets everything, but still, for some reason, it still bothers me when her past is brought up. Thank you all for your answers and suggestions, I really appreciate it.
  • Another thing that bugs me is that she gave head to some guy when she was 12, and 5 of those guys she had sex with were over the age of 30, while she was 15-16 years old.
  • I think you sound like you have anger issues here, and i dont think being with this girl will help. When you make statements saying you 'want to wipe these guys off the face of the earth' and you feel like she was raped, that doesnt sound healthy to me. It takes two you must remember and your girlfriend was a part of this. If she cannot take care of herself while drinking alcohol then she shouldnt be drinking.. end of!! My personal opinion is that you are never going to forget this girls past, so you should move on, if you love her as much as you say, then you WOULD forget it, and wouldnt be so quick to blame all the guys.
  • ok my turn ...mate your jealous thats the end all be all ...get over it !...go and take a long hard look at your self in the bloody mirror ...she popped your cherry and you wish you had been her first as well ...guess what you not so get a life ...be a man and move on because the way your going you will loose her all together ...did you know she wasn't a virgin ? if you did then grow up son !because you acting like a little boy ...and when you say you trust her your lying mate your lying because its in the back of your mind 'will she do it again'...
  • If you do not get over it you will become one of her past experiences. As long as she is perfectly sexually healthy her past experience is nothing to do with you.If they were important enough they would not be past. if you love her and trust her relax and be happy other than that your obsessive jealousy will destroy what you have.
  • The problem lies in your second and fifth sentences - they don't agree with each other. If you trust her the past wouldn't be an issue.
  • Talk with her and get over it because if not you may be the past also. It took me a while to get over my husband past. but i did get over it. and our lives are better than ever now. you cannot worry about your gf's ex-sex partners and still trust her.
  • my ex was the same way! It frustrated me so much because i would do everything i could to make him know he was all i thought about. He constantly made sarcastic remarks to me about my past and because i am experienced. It drove me crazy to the point that we are no longer together. He would not let it go and there is something very disturbing to me about a person like that.
  • The reason you feel like this is because you're uncertain how you measure up to her other partners. You might be better, you might be worse. You don't know, and so you're pissed. The thought that someone might have been pounding away at her like a jackhammer better than you currently are drives you insane. There's only one way to deal with this. GROW A SACK! Is she with you? Is she having sex with ONLY you? If the answer to both of these questions is yes, then you need to stop worrying about it and give her a dose of deep dish loving the next time you see her.
  • Her past shouldn't be relevant to your relationship. It is her PAST. She can't change it. The exception would be if she hangs it in your face out of cruelty. There's no excuse for that and if she is then she is simply not the person for you. You need to get over it. If she is a great girl and you don't then she won't be around long.
  • Nobody likes to think of their girlfriend being nailed by someone else, especially knowing that she enjoyed it. I used to do this as well, but what you really need to do is stop thinking about it. Put it in this context, if she had found you first then she would have never had any of those sexual experiences. Or if she had known she would find you, she probably would have been less free with her sexuality. Just know that she is yours now, and it doesn't matter about the past. You have her as she is and thats how you like her. She wouldn't be the same person if it weren't for those (in your oppinion) unfortunate previous sexual experiences.
  • First, I have to congratulate you for asking how you can get past this issue and trying to take control of those emotions. So many people lay the blame outside of themselves. You may want to talk with someone who can help you understand why thinking about it makes you depressed and angry. Do you feel less valued or used? If you want to "get over it," unfortunately, you will need to move through it and understand why you are feeling these emotions. Willing yourself not to think about it or denial of emotion is just not going to help you--it's like fighting ghosts.
  • Go get professional help. If you could "just get over it" you already would have and it would no longer be an issue. If you want to feel better, if you want to stay in this relationship and if you do not want things to get worse - GET HELP.
  • you know what.. my boyfriend is the same way... and i really dont understand it. I can listen to his old flings and who he's been w/and not get too upset about it. I'd rather know everything than nothing. but if he asks about me... he'll let me start and then he'll tell me he doesnt want to hear it. very confusing.
  • Let Love and Let God <3 In the end, if it's true love, love never fails, and your relationship will prevail. If not, I'm sure you guys met for a reason. It's been several months since you've even been on here so hopefully if you ever return you can tell us how the story ends. Let us all know! <3
  • you trust her and love her 100%. good. it sounds though like you don't love yourself 100% or you wouldn't be thinking about what she did BEFORE you.
  • If you are focusing on your gf's past it means that you don't have enough to focus on in your own life. Get a hobby and think about something else.
  • I am in the exact same position as you. I'm 20 and my girlfriend is 19, she's been with at least 12 or 13 guys that I know of and she took my virginity. I'm not comfortable with sex before marriage in general, but because she was willing to do so much I wound up having sex. Her sexual past haunts me, I can't get images out of my mind sometimes. We've been together for more than a year, but her past will come up in random conversations all the time. She told her best friends everything--including things about people I know who she's had sex with. I was her best friend before we started dating, and she told me about threesomes and complained about how she was frustrated with the sex she was having with her boyfriend. I feel cheated, I feel used, I want to get beyond her past but I don't know how. I've tried the "don't think about it" bit and I can tell you--that's crap. Sorry I can't offer much advice, but at least I can sympathize. I'd love to hear some more about your situation and just talk about these issues. I know exactly how painful it can be for you.
  • I think it has to do with an insecurity on your part. I decided back in HS, that I didn't care WHAT a girl did before she met me... and it's NEVER bothered me. She's with YOU now... NOT with them. If you "trust her and love her 100%", then you need to work on yourself... self-confidence and self-worth. She apparently loves and trusts you. There's no reason for anger or depression as far as that goes, right? Then don't dwell on anything that happened before you. It's done and gone. Dwell on everything SINCE she met you. It should help you immensely. (And work a bit more on your own security, confidence and worth.) Good luck. ;-)
  • The number of guys she has had sex with in the past has nothing to do with the sex you guys are currently having. Keep your thoughts in your relationship with eachother.
  • it will eventually stop bothering you... i had strong feelings for a girl one time and she had slept with atleast 3 guys by the age of 17... they didnt even treat her right. We ended up breaking up.
  • Let the past be the past. You're together now. That's all that matters. Notice that those guys couldn't hold on to her. You can.
  • I totally understand your situation, I am in the same one right now. The fact that she has slept with so many guys makes her almost have a power over me. It pisses me off to think about the other guys. She wants long term, but I don't think I could ever be with her without screwing around first
  • Everyone is right. You need to stop worrying about her past and grow up. Honestly, I need to do the same. I actually broke up with my ex-gf, because I couldn't forget about her past. I made her a victim and I made her feel bad...I understood that the problem was with myself and not her. If you really like her, you should do all you can to work it out. It starts with yourself. If not, you should just move on. I didn't think I could get over it, so I broke it off. Even now, I don't think I have matured at all. I'm going through the same thing with my new girlfriend and I want to kick myself for being so immature. I think it's just a confidence issue. For me, at least...but good luck!
  • Bro, you really deeply in love with her. But ask yourself, did you had sex before her? Your situation is very common, every couples facing the same thing. Most important, she never did anything wrong since with you. If you really love her, give her a chance. If you don't, maybe no one will. Love her and take a good care of her.
  • Well if she has sores on her lips , and she smells, then it is something to think about. STD's are not curable, some are, and some aren't. Some can lie dormant for years before resurfacing. I have seen this in real life. I have seen a woman throw away her self worth because of a tramp. Now she has kids by him. She is single mom now, cannot find anyone to spend time with. It all started with her past. But, 1 think for certain. I will not judge a woman. Someone has already slept with someone. I would not want to focus on her past. I would focus on her future. I am thankful to have a woman with a fewest sexual encounters than a woman with alot of sexual encounters or sleeping around. I am humble to have one woman in my life, her name is Sonja. I make sure to demand that she teach me everything as a male about life. This goes to ratting out people who uses others for financial gain, or abuse people. I have asked her about a person, she is 99% right about what she says, I can say I need the skills to learn this. she will teach me all the skills that I need to know. Last night, another woman tried to pick me up and look me deep in my eyes, I looked away. I know what she was wanting. I refused it. So I am a nicest man you ever met. She has alot of skills in reading people. I am willing everyday to learn from her. whatever the cost is. Give your girlfriend a chance. Let her be the one in your life. I know I did, I do not regret it. :)
  • 5-14-2017 You just have to make up your mind.
  • I suggest you get professional counseling. There's nothing she can do about what's already taken place in the past
  • The secret is in the word "girlfriend" that's all she was. She was not a "wife" thus did not "cheat" on you or anyone as she had no commitment in the first place. You are just too clingy and insecure is all. Probably over that another man was able to give her something you struggled with. Thus you are actually angry with yourself and projecting it onto her.

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