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by Anonymous on March 12th, 2006

Anonymous

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My ex-husband wants to pay child support directly to me and not go through the courts. Should I let him pay me, or go through the courts?

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Answers. 15 helpful answers below.

  • by Grandma Roses - my avatar is my real dog on May 8th, 2006

    Grandma Roses - my avatar is my real dog

    Speaking from hard-won experience, I would advise letting the court be involved. If your ex stops paying for any reason, the court will already have a file open and know where he is and where he is employed. This makes it much quicker for them to start collection action.

    There will also be a public record so that neither party can claim that payments were missed if they weren't, or were paid if they weren't.

    Don't kid yourself that he will always make his payments in full and on time; more than 80% of child support orders become delinquent and unpaid at some time.

    This is your children's money; it is to fulfill their needs. Don't be either sentimental or cavalier about it.

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  • by mstdawn on January 1st, 2007

    mstdawn

    An ex is an ex for a reason. If you were able to get along, communicate and agree before you wouldn't be divorced!

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  • by teenam1111 on January 1st, 2007

    teenam1111

    Don't trust your ex . I did , and it got me no where quick ! Of course they are nice to you at the time . To get their ways . But then later on the screw you one way or the other . I gave my ex the benefit of the doubt he did fine for a while . And is now refusing to pay . Go through the courts , that way they can document everything !

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  • by Anonymous on March 16th, 2006

    Anonymous

    You shouldn't let your ex-husband pay you directly; you should force him to go through the courts.

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  • by bida4ver on February 27th, 2007

    bida4ver

    they are right,exes are very nice when they are asking favors from u.it happened to me b4 our divorced was finalized i agreed no child support,no alimony,joint custody,and he got 60%from our house and then what happened when he got it? he put me down to depression kept calling the police when i go to our marital house to take care of our son,kept calling me nasty words,complaining to the police i harrashed him,now i brought him to the court asking for child support and finally i got it and alsohave the physical custody of our son,and have him the permanent restraining order for domestic vilence..GOD IS GOOD "what goes around comes around" and now he is facing a criminal case in the foreign country..dont trust ur ex..do it in court and good luck

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  • by olan black on July 26th, 2009

    olan black

    good question, there are pros and cons for both sides. If you use the court system, they will charge a fee for collecting and processing the payments, this amount will be deducted from the payments, in addition if you receive TANF (food stamps) you will not receive any money, since the state will keep the money to offset the cost of the food stamps. there are a few other laws that many people are not aware of, for instance, if your ex is behind on payments he can't do the following:

    Travel out of state without permission from the enforcement authority.

    Apply for or get a passport.

    some states also revoke driving privileges for back child support.

    on the other hand, by having the child support enforced at the very least if he doesn't pay he will be put in jail. enforcement also will garnish his pay once it is done, the father doesn't get a choice in the matter.

    So if you live in another state, and the child support goes though the court, your ex will not be able to visit the child or children if he ever falls behind on support, in addition he can be jailed indefinitely for back child support. I would recommend keeping the communication line open, and do what is best for the child best interest. child support laws are very complicated, and once your in the system, you are stuck

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  • by singwell-is off researching a lot on March 4th, 2007

    singwell-is off researching a lot

    No...do not accept the money personally. THis happened with my uncle, and then my ex aunt turned around and claimed she had never received any money. He ended up having to pay thousands to her. Above what he had already paid, because he had no proof.

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  • by Anonymous on March 4th, 2007

    Anonymous

    Most courts order the payments to made through the court for one reason: to make sure he makes the payments and to track his location in case he skips town.

    Let the court do it. payments stopped? the court will handle it. they have better resources than you.

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  • by Azraff on February 27th, 2007

    Azraff

    How reliable and sincere and honest do you know him to be? If you have the slightest doubt, I would say go thru the court.

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  • by john pennington on March 24th, 2009

    john pennington

    For his own protection, pay through the court.

    This way, the court has a record of each payment and will not sign a warrant because of non-payment.

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  • by my2cents--Vote for Paul on March 24th, 2009

    my2cents--Vote for Paul

    You should go through the courts.

    That being said it is possible for it to work going directly to you. My husband found out he had a child when the child was 16. We offered to pay support. But explained that we would not pay back support that we would fight it as we didn't feel that was a penalty we should be faced with when he knew nothing of the child because the mother chose not to tell him of the child. which we did faithfully every month until she turned 18. We also got her 1st car and paid the insurance on it. We paid with a check each month so we'd have a record of it. But if I were on the recieving end I'd would have had it go through the courts. As our case was an exception and certainly not the rule.

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  • by gracescotland on March 24th, 2009

    gracescotland

    A friend of mine agreed to this and it all went swimmingly until he unilaterally decided to cut it by 25%. They share custody and she felt that she had to just accept it as anything else would cause a lot of friction.

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  • by Nicola on August 5th, 2009

    Nicola

    Through the courts. I wouldn't trust my ex with anything!

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  • by Ditto on August 5th, 2009

    Ditto

    Keep it through the courts. It would be easier for him to mess with you if it were direct.

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  • by Anonymous on September 21st, 2008

    Anonymous

    I trusted my ex and it now has me back at the friend of the court having the child support going through them. It's much easier to just take it through the friend of the court from the jump.

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