Why do I always feel that I am taken for granted in relationships, and how can I make sure that it doesn't happen?

Selfishness Is The Highest Form Of Cooperation
Beloved E. and I will be celebrating our 25th anniversary in a year. Further, and a wonderful testament to our belief system and actions, we still on our honeymoon, no kidding! We both completely believe that it is a privilege to be allowed to love someone else, let alone be loved by them.

Truth is, none of us really need to be in a relationship. We all have learned that a person can function without one. That said, one must be clear in thought, word and deed, with no mixed messages or surprises later when considering a life mate. Life has a way of delivering challenges anyway.

It is true that everyone 'thinks' they knowhow to cooperate!

However, when E. and I looked around and witnessed how some other couples could misbehave in their treatment of each other, and the statistics for divorce rates, we intuitively knew somehow, something about their understanding and individual actions for cooperation were missing!

What could we learn?

It was then that we decided to pretend that neither of us understood what the word cooperation meant, in any thought form, word or action. Two weeks into dating, we decided we would commit ourselves to our literal study of the meaning of cooperation! (We still continue this couple activity to this date!)

It's been an interesting and incredible journey: researching all these years. Of course, on our quest, it was not the research per se that was so important. Importance lay in finding ways of cooperating that could be implemented into our daily lives!

Our relationship motto? 'Selfishness Is The Highest Form Of Cooperation!'
Very basically...If you do only that which makes you personally content, fulfilled and successful as a person ... we will ALL bask in your sunshine! If, on the other hand, you do that which doesn't make you content, fulfilled and successful as a person ... we all pay, one way or another .. sooner or later!


Some of our motto definitions follow here:

(It is very important to not confuse the word 'selfish' with 'self-centered.' ANYONE who functions from this point of view is purely indulgent and self-serving. These unfortunate individuals erroneously believe the world only revolves around them, and usually function like 'the world owes them a living!.' Not!

• Selfishness makes an individual responsible, not others, for having their needs, wants and desires met.
• Selfishness has no longer the need to wish, hope, or dream that someone will take care [of me,] It is my responsibility to do so.
• Selfishness can act with others without concern about who is taking care of [my] best interests. It is my responsibility to do so.
• Selfishness is willing and ready to work. [I do] not require attention, entanglements or drama to be alive and interesting.
• Selfishness can replenish [myself] so that other people or situations may not deplete me in any way.
• Selfishness is the foundation of [my] own healthy self-esteem.
• Selfishness takes care of [myself,] without finding emptiness, dislike, blame, hate, anger or resentment.
• Selfishness understands that it is not [my] right or job to change any one else, or request that they do on my behalf.•Selfishness
receives willingly and deservedly [as I] recognize the joy of giving comes from an inner knowledge of worth, allowing generosity to
come from personal decision and choice.
• Selfishness brings right-mindedness, respect, and purpose, preventing any personal thoughts, words or actions of martyrism which
breeds guilt, pity, and contempt.
• Selfishness perceives correctly, preventing the need to look outside for protection.
• Selfishness honors [one's] own choices, lending the mind, words, and actions to be free from comparison or contest with others.
• Selfishness embraces each human being's right to make their own individual decisions; to be their own free agent, reaching ≈
breeds guilt, pity, and contempt.
• Selfishness acts judiciously, preventing blame and injustice.
• Selfishness is peaceful thinking and living, preventing unrealistic dreams of a utopia from "arriving someday."
• Selfishness does not presume to correctly understand another and does not mind read or second quess.
• Selfishness understands one must respect others as separate from them, responsible individuals.
• Selfishness can be entrusted to attend the well-being of others.
• Selfishness finds happiness in the success of others.
• Selfishness embraces the human experience of empathy.

We all can encourage and celebrate our human condition. Everyone has loss something or someone. Everyone has gained something or someone. Without understanding ourselves, our TRUTHFUL experiences as human beings, it may be impossible to "stand in another's shoes" without first standing in our own!

ASK: Are you the person you want to marry?
Be able to answer 'YES' to that question.
After all, it is only fair ... selfish ... and cooperative!

What goes around, comes around!

self esteem and setting boundaries that you keep. dont allow yourself to be a doormat and stick to it!

Some of us love to do for others without question. You want to help and you do above and beyond for the person or people you want to please. This can be appreciated which is nice, but it can also be expected and thats when your good will is taken for granted. Once you feel this way you need to address it straight away. Its not ok to feel taken for granted and at the end of the day its your choice not to be treated the way you don't want to be. If your good will is not reciprocated.... move on to someone who will appreciate you.

The answer to this starts with yourself.
If you feel that this always happens to you, then how come yóu let it happen to you always? Do you take yourself for granted?
What are the roles in your relationships, how do you let your partner treat you, how do you treat yourself?
Really, if you take yourself for granted, then you invite others around you to do the same.
In many occasions, things like this grow. If you yourself focus on your partner always and never ask some of his/her focus for you, it will become a pattern that you and your partner might not be conscious about. By the time it grows too far for you, your partner may have the feeling that everything is allright.
Communication is THE most important thing in a relationship. Talk about it. Say that this is how you feel. But first, for yourself, find out what you want to have changed.

even i am facing the same problem..i too don't know what to do??