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by Andy Is Wicked Married to Penal Colony on April 6th, 2004

Andy Is Wicked Married to Penal Colony

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Who gets to keep the ring after an engagement has been broken?

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  • by AntigoneRising on February 1st, 2007

    AntigoneRising

    Many places have specific laws to deal with this. In the absence of law, I feel that the woman keeps the ring if he breaks it off, and gives it back if she does.

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  • by Anonymous on April 10th, 2004

    Anonymous

    The two people involved can decide that togeather.

    but let's look at what an engagement ring is..it is a promise to marry.
    since your not marrying. the ring serves no purpose.he took the promise back,so the ring goes back.

    why would you/or the person want that memory of a broken promise?

    some people keep these rings out of anger
    others out of sadness

    neither helps you grow and move on.

    ask yourself why you/or the person want to keep it.

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  • by Anonymous on February 1st, 2007

    Anonymous

    I think the old style ettiquet dictates that once the ring is given it belongs to the lady. If she wishes to return it she can, but doesn't have to.
    I think do what you feel is right.

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  • by DwarfClown on December 2nd, 2008

    DwarfClown

    Peggy Post, an etiquette expert from Goodhousekeeping says, "Although the rules are hard-and-fast on this one, many couples don't play by them. The textbook answer: If an engagement is broken by either party, the bride should return the ring unless it's an heirloom on her family's side. The real-world answer: Some people believe that if the man breaks the engagement (rather than the bride backing out or the couple mutually calling it quits), the ring should not be returned. But why keep a painful reminder of an engagement's end? I'm on the side of the former fiancée, who had the poise to part with her past gracefully -- and move on."

    http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/family/etiquette/broken-engagement-etiquette-mar03

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  • by buxtonite ..slowly losing my mind on September 27th, 2007

    buxtonite ..slowly losing my mind

    by law (recent court case) the man has the legal right to get the ring back ...premis being that the engagement contract(to marry) was broken so the ring(or who ever buy's the ring)is the property of said buyer ....me I would let the girl have it ...I bought it for her and would never reuse it anyway

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  • by Crazy is looking 4 Imperfections. on September 27th, 2007

    Crazy is looking 4 Imperfections.

    The pawn shop.

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  • by Firebrand on February 1st, 2007

    Firebrand

    He changes his mind he should forfeit the ring and the same if She changes her mind, return the ring and move on.

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  • by justme32 loves the weekends on February 1st, 2007

    justme32 loves the weekends

    I would keep it if he broke it off and give it back if I did the breaking up.

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  • by A Friend on May 5th, 2005

    A Friend

    If he breaks it off - the woman should keep it. It's best not to hold onto it (sell it, donate it, etc.)

    If she breaks if off - she should give it back.

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  • by Audiotron on September 27th, 2007

    Audiotron

    the man should get it back, except under the following conditions:

    1) man is unfaithful
    2) man commits violence against woman
    3) man dies
    4) man did not pay for the ring

    Other than that, the agreement to marry is no longer in place, so the man should get his investment back. Engagement rings can be expensive, and to screw someone out of that money for any reason other than listed above is just spiteful, and silly.

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  • by WHITE BEAR on September 27th, 2007

    WHITE BEAR

    doesnt matter what custom says. Have you ever tried getting a ring back from an aggrieved person after breaking the engagement ? best to let it go.

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  • by Rosanne on September 27th, 2007

    Rosanne

    The lady gets to keep her ring, if the groom is A)unfaithful to her or B) He has been involved with wedding decisions and has known that deposits have been put down toward a reception hall, florist, photographer, etcetera. The girl and the girl's family should not take the brunt of the loss on top of having to call the wedding off due to his indiscretion. If however, no monies have been put down toward the wedding and there is no reason to suspect either one of infidelity, the reasonable thing to do is return the ring.

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  • by bagless77 on February 1st, 2007

    bagless77

    He certainly has the right to ask for it back. However, depending on the situation, I woudl not find fault with a woman for wanting to keep it, even if solely for financial gain. For example, if he cheated and then asks for the ring back, I would keep it. A friend of mine had her b/f ask for the ring back because he said it belonged to his wife (they were separated) and he wanted to propse to her again. Oh, she gave it back. She handed him the address of the pawn shop she sold it to.

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  • by mysticdeliria on February 1st, 2007

    mysticdeliria

    This comes up a lot on those TV court shows. In most cases that I've seen, the engagement ring is given, on condition of marriage. If the marriage does not happen, then the ring should be returned. It's something to do with one of the conditions on the gift not being met. If the marriage does happen, even if only briefly the man has no right to take the ring away because the condition of the gift was that a wedding happen. Personally, I would give it back I wouldn't want it if we didn't make it to the altar.

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  • by This Daley has a new bundle of joy on February 1st, 2007

    This Daley has a new bundle of joy

    Ms. Emily Post says...

    "the etiquette guidelines remain the same as for any broken engagement. If an engagement is broken, the bride should immediately return the ring to her former fiancé.

    The only “but” in this case is if the ring is a family heirloom of the bride’s. She should then keep the ring.

    Some argue that the ring should not be returned to the fiancé if he was the one to initiate the break-up—rather than a mutual decision to call it quits. It makes more sense to return it. Why keep a painful reminder of the end of an engagement just to be spiteful? It’s better to take the high road and move on.

    The bride should also return any other presents of value her fiancé has given her, and he should return her gifts as well."

    But locals laws would, of course, prevail over etiquette.

    http://www.emilypost.com/etiquette/wedding/broken_engagement.htm

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  • by Simply msFortunate on February 1st, 2007

    Simply msFortunate

    In my opinion, if it is a family heirloom on the man's side, it should be returned. But if the man bought it on his own, it is hers to keep. Just my opinion. But do what you feel is best...:-)

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  • by Anonymous on December 21st, 2005

    Anonymous

    Essentially I agree with the other posters that its up to the couple to decide, however, if you're in a sticky situation and some form of protocol would be helpful, I believe in most cases as the ring is worn by the woman (regardless of who bought it) the final say in what happens to it would normally rest with her. She might decide to give it back when breaking the engagement as a symbolic gesture of the broken union (in which case the man would normally return it to the shop if that's possible, he might get away with selling it on if the shop is defunct or has a no returns policy, but he should never keep the ring and never, ever give it to another person, even if its only as a casual gift, such as to a younger sister. If the ring was an inherited one he should return it to the original owner)- many women do this. If he breaks the engagement with her, she could still return it (which is probably the least risky things to do in terms of dragging the whole thing out painfully with petty arguments, which can happen if he demands it and she won't give it and so on, so on), but she's within rights to keep it, as a gift. Obviously she shouldn't continue to wear the ring, or pass it on to another person as a gift, but she might decide to sell it via a dealer (Its generally best if she doesn't tell her ex-fiancee about this as it may cause arguments- unless they agree to split the money). If its a less than amicable break up she might prefer to toss it into a lake or something, which is also a fairly acceptable plan. In fact its so popular I'm sure that a trawl of most major lakes in the world would yield an absolute fortune.

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  • by Bronwyn on August 15th, 2005

    Bronwyn

    An An engagement ring is a promise to marry. It is Evidence of the man's ability to save for future living costs (The ring should be equal in value to one month's salary and should require 6 to 10 months of savings.) This may seem antiquated, but the ring itself is an antiquated symbol. If a couple is going to include an engagement ring in their wedding plans, it is important to understand what it means.
    Once a couple becomes engaged the bride’s family begins to make plans for the wedding. This is a costly period of planning. Non-refundable deposits must be made; dresses that cannot be returned must be purchased, etc. In our modern world, many couples co-habitat prior to the wedding. Some even share credit cards and bank accounts. Money becomes communal rather than private.
    So, what does all this mean? If he breaks off the engagement, she retains the ring as collateral against the investments she and her family have made toward the future that is no longer a possibility. After selling the ring and canceling out all the debt she has incurred because she had faith in his promise to wed, she should return whatever sum remains.
    Conversely, if she decides to break off the engagement, the ring goes back to him. Immediately. She accepted the ring as his promise and her acceptance signifies her promise in kind.
    The engagement ring is a contract. It should not be viewed (between couples who are ending their engagements) as a sentimental symbol of lost love, but rather as the great equalizer. Good luck.

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  • by Anonymous on July 28th, 2005

    Anonymous

    I agree in part with the current answer in that the couple should be able to decide in a friendly manner if possible the disposition of the ring. However, if they can't the answer can be found by the laws of the state in which the man and woman live. In some states, when a man gives a woman an engagement ring and the engagement is terminated, the ring goes back to the man who gave it. However, when the engagement ring is given to a woman at Christmas time, Valentine's Day or on her birthday, t can be considered under the law as a "gift" and the woman can keep it.

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  • by Im A Wife Now on June 21st, 2005

    Im A Wife Now

    Whoever purchased it should keep it. I know I wouldnt want the memory of my engagement on my finger, or even in my house with the ring. And there is nothing else you would be able to do with it if it wasnt in your name. I can't do anythign with my wedding rings (sized, fixed, etc..) if my husband doesnt come and sign because they are in his name. And pawning it will NEVER get you want its worth. If i took mine o a pawn shop they would say about $500 and we paid nearly $2000, ON SALE!

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  • by jenniferprofitt on May 27th, 2005

    jenniferprofitt

    An engagement ring is a gift, she should keep it (if she wants) regardless of the reasoning behind why she received it.

    Bronwyn: The marriage itself would be the agreement, not the ring. A ring is not neccessary to marry someone.

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  • by sleslie on February 10th, 2008

    sleslie

    From my own personal experience, I consider myself to be somewhat of an authority on this subject, at least in the Commonwealth of Virginia. In 2000, after my ex-fiance broke off our engagement he took me to court to get the engagement ring back, the judge found in his favor on the grounds of unjust enrichment, since I would be monetarily enriched the cost of the ring as a result of our engagement. The bottom line, I returned the ring as ordered by the court and moved on with my life.

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  • by The King of Awesome on September 27th, 2007

    The King of Awesome

    if anybody says anything other than the man gets to decide(provided hes the one who bought it) they are morons...engagement rings are ridiculous anyway...
    'wow, im about to give up bjs and eventually half my stuff if this lady decides she's not in love with me anymore. the only fair thing is for me to buy her an extravangant, useless stone to sweeten the deal for her'
    this is insanity.

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  • by Anonymous on September 27th, 2007

    Anonymous

    That is entirely up to the women who was wearing it.

    Personally, I think it depends on who broke it off and why.

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  • by Cynstriss on September 27th, 2007

    Cynstriss

    I would return the ring. I don't need a reminder of a broken relationship. I would move on and hope for better luck next time.

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  • by Wild One on September 27th, 2007

    Wild One

    I've seen the toilet take a few

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  • by asweetguy4u2know saya R.I.P Nelson on September 27th, 2007

    asweetguy4u2know saya R.I.P Nelson

    I reluctantly have the one I gave to my sweetheart. Her mother unknon to me took it from her finger because she was afraid the mortician or one of his helpers might be tempted to steal it. I was pretty pissed because she waited til after my baby was buried to give it back to me.

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  • by ciaobellamy on September 27th, 2007

    ciaobellamy

    The woman. There's just no question.

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  • by Anonymous on May 25th, 2007

    Anonymous

    I get that it's good ediquite togiveit back but what if he used my credit card to buy it and I am stuck with the bill.

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  • by hemiman on February 1st, 2007

    hemiman

    Judge Judy had a case like that a month or two ago and she ruled that it was a gift and the lady did not have to return it.

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  • by Anonymous on September 30th, 2006

    Anonymous

    My ex said I can keep the ring (he caused the break up). I love the setting and would like to wear it on my right hand. It is a 3-stone setting. I'm thinking of putting my son's birthstone as the sidestones (diamond is my birthstone) and wear it on my right hand. Any comments?

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  • by BLynn4487 on June 7th, 2006

    BLynn4487

    I say if you got the ring as a gift (i.e. birthday, Christmas) then it's a gift and yours to keep.

    If you break off the engagement, give the ring back. If he breaks it off, sell it and keep the cash.

    If, however, you find out he cheated on you, my that ring would make a nice pair of earrings!!

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  • by Jenniferocious on May 22nd, 2006

    Jenniferocious

    Assuming the man bought it, and gave it to the woman... (there could be other purchase arrangements...)

    The ring is a gift. Once given, it belongs to the woman who received it. If the relationship ends, she is still the owner of the ring, and it's destiny is in her hands. Of course, if it was her decision to end the relationship, then it would be good form for her return it (or at least offer to return it). However, she doesn't have to. It is unfortunate that such an expensive gift isn't required to be returned, however, the proposal isn't something that should be taken lightly, so if you make the committment to give the ring, you should accept the consequences of that gift, and accept that it is gone, even if the relationship ends.

    However,
    as many people previously stated, have a discussion with your ex-fiancee... and talk about the ring, or the value of it, and see if you can't come to a mutual decision. It will be a better outcome for both of you if you can come to an agreement.

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  • by Anonymous on January 12th, 2006

    Anonymous

    A gift is a gift regardless of the intent, the outcome or the monetary value of the gift. Gifts are intended to be given without an ulterior motive or any other condition being placed on them, except for what they are, which is exactly that... A gift. If an engagement ring is given with the ulterior motive that,
    "If our engagement doesn't work out later on I want the ring back."
    Then don't bother giving someone an engagement ring to begin with. It was never truly a gift, then. It was a pseudo gift.
    If I am not correct in my logic, then, should I return all Christmas gifts that I have been given to those whom are no longer within my circle of friends and past loves?
    I don't think so.
    Whenever I give someone a gift... it is no longer mine no matter how much it cost. That is the truth! My gifts to ANYONE are always Unconditional.
    It is (should be) about principle.

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  • by Over and Out on December 2nd, 2008

    Over and Out

    The ring is given in contemplation of marriage. If the man breaks the engagement - the women keeps it ... if the woman breaks it off - the man gets it back.

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  • by Needs some coffee on December 2nd, 2008

    Needs some coffee

    If the man paid for the ring, it was given with the condition of marriage. If they are not to be married, the ring must be given back. If the girl bought her own ring she keeps it, if the cost was split, it either gets sold or one party buys out the other party.

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  • by JOE on December 2nd, 2008

    JOE

    who ever payed for it they can probably pawn it and use the money for counseling:)

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  • by Andy Is Wicked Married to Penal Colony on June 18th, 2004

    Andy Is Wicked Married to Penal Colony

    That is up to the couple to decide. In the US, at least, it is almost always returned to the purchaser (which is no longer always the man). This applies to legal decisions and standard practice. In almost all small claims court cases of this type, the ring is awarded to whomever bought it regardless of who proposed.

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  • by Joyce_M2071 on April 23rd, 2012

    Joyce_M2071

    THE WOMAN' IF A MAN CALLS OFF THE ENGAGEMENT AND GIVES THE RING THEY SET A DATE AND HE CALLS IT OFF' IT IS UNDER THE STATE OF LAW THAT IT WERE A GIFT' BESIDES THAT AN ENGAGEMENT RING IS CALLED A PROMISE RING' ITS UP TO THE WOMAN ON WHAT SHE FEELS SHE WANTS TO DO' AND THATS THE BOTTOM LINE YOU CANNOT WHETHER A RING OR EVEN A BICYCLE GIVE A GIFT AND DEMAND IT BACK' A GIFT IS A GIFT'

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  • by Anonymous on December 2nd, 2008

    Anonymous

    hmm..thats always a tough one. but i personally think the wife, what is the man going to do with it? women want to remember their marriage with items like wedding rings, so i believe its the women

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  • by sirtfs windsor on December 2nd, 2008

    sirtfs windsor

    We are dealing with a broken heart here. No marriage plans? Most states and provinces: if he breaks the engagement - she keeps the ring (and probably should sell it as quick as possible.) If she breaks it off, she must return the ring (and he too should sell it as quick as possible.) The couple should probably have a cooling off period before seeing each other again. A mistake has been made, and better to move on.

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  • by Piggle on April 9th, 2009

    Piggle

    That depends very much on the circumstances of the break up - but it sure feels good to throw a rock at a guy who claimed he loved you only to go out and cheat with the first whore that comes along ;0)

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  • by Thinker on April 9th, 2009

    Thinker

    It is her choice but edicate say she does not have to as it was a gift.

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  • by Mud on April 9th, 2009

    Mud

    if I was a woman I would get engaged and hauk the bling to make a decent life as a gold digger, without ever getting emotionaly involved. just kidding but I dated a gal like that and she drove me broke before we split up, after that she hooked up with one of my friends later the same day. etiquite does allot to battle indecency. but it always comes back to personal choice.

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  • by dtc on June 1st, 2010

    dtc

    What if he caught her cheating/attemp to cheat and broke off the engagment. Shouldn't he get the ring back? All comments talked about the man is the cheating one, what if the table is reversed?

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  • by Ditto on April 9th, 2009

    Ditto

    If I were a female I would give it back.

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  • by DreAnna on December 2nd, 2008

    DreAnna

    The person who gave the ring gets the ring back if the engagement is broken. :)

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  • by Anonymous on April 9th, 2009

    Anonymous

    For sure.

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  • by Done. never again. on December 2nd, 2008

    Done. never again.

    I think the right thing to do would be to return it to the person who gave it to you.

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More Questions. Additional questions in this category.

You're reading Who gets to keep the ring after an engagement has been broken? - which can also be phrased in the following ways:

  • If you are engaged and all of a sudden the engagement is off and the couple split up, should the woman stay with the ring or should the man ask for it back? why?
  • If a marriage engagement is broken,should the women give back the engagement ring?

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