ANSWERS: 13
  • I'm an adopted child and I was told quite young, around seven or eight. Of course the next question is why. I think that is the parents either don't know the answer, or feel they will find it very hard to explain. The parents may call someone like a psychiatrist to help the child understand the reasons why his/her birth family had the child adopted in the first place. As the child grows older, feelings such as being unloved unwanted abandoned start to creep into the child’s mind. There is no easy way to deal with this issue. I know of adopted children that have found their birth parents and everything turned out well. (That was in my case) I know of others however, who have faced the awful truth of rejection. Other brothers and sisters that didn't even know that there was another member of the family. I hope this has been of some help.
  • There is no specific age but when you do tell them remember to say that they grew "in" your heart not under it :-)
  • The younger the better! Not telling a child will only lead to resentment later in life. The key is to let your "adopted" child know that they're were "chosen" and that makes them even MORE special than if they were your "natural" child. Some have ignorantly stated that you don't know what you get when you adopt a child; conversely, it can be said that you don't know what you'll get with a biological child either. The bottom line: Telling your "adopted" child at a young age is the best method because honesty is always the best policy. Not doing so, can lead to identity crises and resentment later on.
  • i have a daughter who was adopted from China. She looks very Asian and we figured it'd be pointless not to tell her. We told her when she was old enough to understand words (ie two) and then we sugared up the story a bit. we told her we prayed for a little girl and her biological mom really wanted a good life for her daughter, so she answered the prayer and gave our daughter to the orphanage and when we saw her for the first time we were so happy and we did the "baby dance". she is seven now, and she still asks us to tell her the story!
  • as early on as possible. I have a friend who found out he was adopted at 35 and a cousin who found out at 22. Years went by to heal the relationships with their parents and there are still some deep wounds left.
  • Any ideas on that one?
  • We've casually woven the word ``adoption'' into our conversations with our youngest daughter since an early age. We are not in a position where we can duck the issue. More questions are coming -- she's 4 now -- especially since she's African American and her sister (our biological daughter, 11) is, like us, white. ``Why is my skin a different color?'' ``Because you were adopted, sweetheart.'' ``Oh ... Can I have a cookie?'' You think the questioning will become just a little more in-depth as time goes on? The concept is to make her comfortable in asking questions, and with the idea that being adopted is just another way a family comes into form. For now the simplest of explanations suffice, but obviously she will want details as time goes on. Simply, we will be as upfront as we can, in an age-appropriate manner. What does that exactly mean? Beats the hell out of me. The hard part: She was adopted from foster care. (We had her since she was two days old.) Explaining why she was in foster care, and why she was freed for adoption, will be the biggest hurdle. My wife and I are still not sure on the exact way to handle it. The one thing we will not do is lie; that would not only burn bridges down the road, but blow them up and bury them.
  • I think that the adoption needs to be discussed from day one -- letting the child know he or she was chosen to be in your family. That alleviates any chance of a friend or relative accidentally "spilling the beans" to the child before you were ready to tell him or her.
  • I adopted three children from China. Obviously they realised soon enough that they were 'different' from dear olf Dad. So - it was never a question for me of 'when to tell them' and I have to say I think we avoided all sorts of problems by never being unaware of it from the beginning. I've seen other adoptive parents and their children have all kinds of problems, trauma and confusion when it is left too long. The big problem being of course that 'too long' cannot be determined in individual cases....
  • Im honestly not sure but i thought i had a blood aunt on my moms side and i didnt know she was adopted in the family till i was 28.lol.No one ever told me in my whole family including my younger brothers knew.
  • Age ten.
  • As an adoptee, my parents told me when I was very young. And like some of the other posters, I was told that I was chosen. It was never anything wrong with it because of the the perspective that my parents gave me on it. "You are mommy's son, you just didn't come from my stomach" she would tell me. Telling the child as early as possible is usually the best form of action.
  • Whenever they are mature enough, probably 12.

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