I think "I should trust him" is a mistake. If you don't trust him, you don't trust him. Believing that you SHOULD trust him just muddies the water -- now you're tangled up in your expectations for yourself instead of "working the problem". "I don't want to confront him" is ALSO a problem. Why not? If you don't trust him, it's hard to see how your relationship could be any shakier. You might as well take the direct approach. Sneaking around and trying to figure it out surreptitiously is really your own self-doubts asserting themselves. He made a promise to be faithful, you have a right to hold him to it and ask him if he's honoring it. This is just about having some courage and standing up for yourself. Now, he may lie. Always a possibility. And you may have difficulty determining the truth, also possible. But the job is tough enough already, without complicating it by dancing around with your own doubts and "shoulds". Be open, and get straight to the point.

First of all, you stated something in your question...you said he gets upset when you ask him where he spends his time and money...HIS??? A marriage should not consist of his and hers, unless it's on your bath towels. If your money is not combined and you do not sit together and discuss finances then there is problem #1. If you discussed your finances, then you'd know where the money was going, therefore there would be no questioning. Now if your husband has one of those jobs where he could be here and there and works all funky odd hours, it may make you feel like he's doing other things, but first try to trust him. If you act like it does not bother you and go about your day, then he'll eventually come to you and talk to you about where he is spending his time. My partner has a job where she is here and there, and as much as I hate it, I trust her with my heart. We are lesbians, and I used to be married to a man...that's a whole other story. I only wrote the lesbian thing so you did not think I was a guy...lol...anyways, just take care and try to trust him unless you have reasonable doubt in your heart and mind he's cheating. Him getting mad at you could be because he feels you are questioning him and men do not like to be questioned...they like their space and he'll come to you...trust me, he will...take care!!!

If you are asking how to find out, doesn't that tell you something about yourself????

Keep a log of what you see and what you find out. Keep black and white copies of credit card statements, cell phone bills, etc. If you have access to his email, keep an eye on it. There are legitimate reasons for snooping/spying. 1. Trust is a big reason, not of your partner, but yourself. Probably for some time you have sensed something is different or questioned the change of behavior in your partner. Perhaps you confronted your cheating husband or cheating wife and it was met with denial. This created a huge dilemma for you because a part of you was screaming, Hey, this doesn't fit! I don't believe it! To deny this part of you, which KNOWS the truth, creates a tremendous internal turmoil. If the truth as you suspect it is confirmed, you can take a deep breath and at least know that you can trust yourself. You are NOT CRAZY! Spying is a way to confirm your suspicions and trust more fully your gut feelings. 2. Spying on cheating husbands often helps the person feel connected to the partner who seems to be steadily moving away. It is a way of maintaining contact and having some sort of connection to this stranger who once was well known. Isn't it like the game of hide-and-seek we used to play as children? Sometimes there, sometimes gone. At least it is a game, and a game is at least some contact, some involvement. You miss the connection and try to find someway to maintain the ties. 3. Spying on a cheating spouse may be an honest attempt to bring resolution to the relationship. You want to know the truth. You sense something does not fit. You suspect there is a breach of something. You want to know what you are up against. You are not willing to stand pat and wait. You are a person of action. You want some sort of movement. You want to get on with the relationship. You want to get on with your life. You know that it is difficult maintaining your sanity when there might be this huge elephant that no one is talking about. You want to know the truth, face the truth, deal with the truth and be free. 4. Cheating husbands or cheating wives often, unfortunately, lead to the demise of marital relationships. If you strongly suspect this to be true for your situation you will want to protect yourself legally. If there is betrayal, lying and deception regarding a third party, other forms of deception may exist financially or in other areas of the relationship. Having evidence does have some impact in some court systems. Whether you need to protect yourself legally depends on the kind of affair facing you and the character of your spouse. 5. You may want to protect yourself medically if you suspect you have a cheating husband or wife. You might be concerned about sexually transmitted diseases. Your health may be at stake. And, of course, you need to know. Shame, guilt or self-absorption may be so powerful in your partner that it gets in the way of responsibly informing you of the medical dangers when another partner is sexually brought into your relationship. 6. Seeing signs of a cheating spouse often mean secrets. Secrets are work! There is not much written about the impact of a secret in a relationship. It is the elephant sitting in the room that no one dare talk about. People take extraordinary measures to tip toe around it, but it IS there. Emotionally, you can't miss it. Secrets are a drain. If the secret persists, its impact is felt in subtle but insidious ways. People become physically ill, sometimes seriously so. People become depressed. People start doing crazy things. Children start acting out, stop achieving, become listless or exhibit a host of other symptoms. Children, or the next generation, often carry the emotional load. You want to spy because you don't want to live with a secret. You want to discover the truth. You want to feel the freeing power of the exposed secret and the opportunity it offers for healing, resolution, a rich relationship and a productive life.

I agree to some point with each of the other people who have answered here. However, having "delt" with this issue myself before. The one thing I can tell you I learned is this. There is no need to drag it out for months on end. If you suspect it, rather he is or he isn't. You will have those thoughts in the back of your head CONSTANLTY until you find out. If you were to just "trust" him as you say, your gut feeling will always hold you back from moving forward in your marriage. Rather it be not being in the "mood" everynight. Or not wanting to go on a vacation bc this might be happening. Or what ever thre case may be. What I am saying is you WILL distance YOURSELF from the marriage. And ultimatly it will end for that reason alone. My suggestion is this: You take ONE day (emphisis on ONE) you lead him to believe you are going to COMPLETELY unavailable for the day. And then you follow him. IF at the END OF THE DAY, there are NO signs, then you drop it. COMPLETELY. BC like I said, if you spend too much time dwelling over the "what if's" You will be the one guilty on putting that wedge between you and your spouse. You are trusting your GUT and altho we can never deny our inner feeling, sometimes they arent always right. Or they sense something isnt right, but then our feeling and thoughts seem to run wild and blow things out of proportion. You need to keep a checks and balance systems with ourself at some point. GOOD LUCK!

Take it from a former other woman. Don't hate me. I had dated a married man for awhile-but it didn't get physical. But this is what he had told me. When you aregue with your husband you are giving him a free pass to leave you for a span of time. While you are trying to make sense of it, he is spending time that is against what your marriage stands for. Here are some clues: Your husband is cheating if he does the following: Snap at you for no reason. gets defensive with any questions that any wife would have. Goes in the other room when he gets a call. Starts to work out,dresses better, has more late nights with the guys/work or late night errands. Is he over protected with his laptop, computer? How is he with the finances? If you handle them you should find some indicators.(lunches, late dinners, hotel rooms-anything)Check the phone bills. If you have children the late calls will be after they go to bed. Anything over 30-40 minutes, you know he isn't talking to a guy. The good news about you: You know your husband better than any woman out there. You know his shortcomings and know how to handle it. If you feel it-most likely there is something not right. Good Luck

To start off he shouldn't get angry when you are asking him about things like this. He needs to be completely open... you both do. You "should" only trust him if you have reason to trust him. How can you trust him on just blind faith? I do believe you should just go and ask him. I mean he would most likely confront you if the situation was switched, right? But what do you base ur feelings off of? He has to give you ample reason, because you may push a good guy away. But you also cannot wallow in your negative feelings. Ask him straight up if he is cheating. "I just need to know if you are or not. Don't get upset, I just want to know." There is nothing more you can really do besides that.