The term codependency, as first used in the alcohol treatment field, meant any person who's life was seriously affected by an alcoholic. Now the meaning has evolved and expanded. A codependent person today has two problems: (1) a disastrous relationship with an addict or compulsive person and (2) a disabling personal problem of his/her own, namely, an obsession with controlling or curing the other person which leads to frustration. People who are codependent care a lot; they devote their lives to saving others who are in trouble. Sounds wonderful! But that isn't the full story. Codependency is caring run amuck. Melody Beattie (1987) describes codependents as angry, controlling, preachy, blaming, hard to talk to, subtly manipulative, amorphous non-persons, and generally miserable. Not exactly angels of mercy. They have tried so hard to manage someone else's life--to "save" them--but they failed, and sooner or later their life crumbled into bitterness, despair, guilt, and hopelessness. They became martyrs, tyrants, people-pleasers, clinging vines, distraught parents, 24-hour-a-day caretakers, etc. They have lost control of their lives. Naturally, these "rescuers" are attracted to people who certainly need lots of help, such as alcoholics, drug users, con artists, habitual criminals, sex addicts, mentally ill, physically ill, and, perhaps, most unsuspectingly, selfish, irresponsible, troubled children or ambitious workaholics who need someone to support them while they "do their thing." The codependents of alcoholics have an organization to help them, called Al-Anon (call AA for information). Self-help groups for other types of codependents are available in some cities (call Codependents Anonymous at 602-277-7991). But codependents often do not recognize their responsibility for their own problems; they see only their gallant efforts to help an ungrateful, troubled person whom they now blame for all their misery. They don't see the choices they have made. Much has been written about co-dependency recently.

Codependency and a controlling person go hand in hand. I have seen this on many occasions. The controlling person will control the entire life of a woman or a man. It works either way. Codependent people are both born and developed and depend on another person or persons, to virtually take control of their thoughts, moves, finances, food and entire life. Codependent people rarely are allowed to make a decision, have a job, or friends. The controlling person will see to this.