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by M Moon on September 12th, 2007
Great question!! Very provocative ... mmmm:
I suppose we could first discuss the reason why someone finds one unlikable. Sometimes, others critiques of behaviors can hit a healthy mark, requiring us to contemplate value and worth of the comment (or attitude.) This doesn't require a thick-skin. It requires a solid character or being, one that wishes to reach its highest potentials.
Some dislike 'difference' just 'cause its different then what they know. This is a psychological fear which I believe can and should be challenged and corrected.
I would sense situation and/or circumstance would be next. I would suppose, as an example, some of us have not been the best of patients, causing our doctors to frown in dismay that they must continue deal with us, even at our 'worse.'
Another discussion could revolve around status of education. While I have had the good fortune to 'fit in' most social situations, I believe there is a clique mentality surrounding this status, which many times comes off as aloof and is always inappropriate.
Dislike may come from ignornace as well. Or from an opposing point of view. (Same thing?) Not all of these may be held as pesonal affronts however. It is anyone's right to disagree. Another way to be engaged and engaging.
Perhaps included may be a cultural preference? I, for one, celebrate all, but have known some who nest only with their own, bragging or complaining that 'theirs' is the better. Some would consider this a psychological given, but with free will as our inheirent gift, I'll leave the rest of this to you.
Further, there is a kind of 'instructed' dislike that comes from ones parents and/or family while growing up in this 'dysfunction.' If we grow up with it, sometimes 'it' becomes us. The 'larger' person, of course, will sooner or later understand these myopic views and move on to a more all emcompassing, or at the least empathic, stance and consequent compassionate behavior(s) toward others.
Were it that all people could grasp the commonality in our human dilemma and condition. Perhpas the 'need' for dislike would be at the very least dismissed as unproductive toward the overall cooperation with each other. (mmm: do we need to be 'liked' to cooperate?)
In the end, I would say, 'Yes,' psychologically we are influenced by many elements, but were it not for abstract thought, logic and emotional intelligence, we would probably harm many more than we already do.
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You're reading Do you think that psychologically it is a given that you will tend to dislike people who dislike you?
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Comments
mmmmmmmmm +6 while I think this over :)
by DA BEN DAN yanggui zi on September 12th, 2007
Can't wait to hear from you and your thoughts!
by M Moon on September 12th, 2007
I think that we do tend to dislike people who dislike us, particularly when we feel that they are critical of us without cause. If the word 'dislike' has an emotional attachment to it--I think we do tend to have a knee jerk reaction that we are being attacked somehow.
If, however, somebody disapproves of me then that is something different. Something that doesn't really upset me.
The whole crux of the matter to me seems to be whether the dislike causes an emotional response in us or not. If we perceive that we are under attack we, of course, put our guard up.
by DA BEN DAN yanggui zi on September 12th, 2007
Your views are interesting. Yes, there is a protective factor, 'knee-jerk reaction' as you say, when another is disapproving or apparently 'attacking.' Certainly this is the brain/body working in harmony to first sense what 'might-be' and allows us to qualify 'what is.'
Whether someone is 'disliking' or 'disapproving' that illicits our emotional response, we as human beings, do have cognitive facilities which allow all of us to override any knee-jerk reaction. I would call this emotional intelligence as well. Our abilitity of abstract thought comes into play as well.
This element also allows us to weigh, either instanteously or over a longer period of time, whether their is value in 'the attack.' While 'attack' is never an appropriate way to encounter anyone, let alone be seen as communicatively cooperative, it does allow us to weigh very carefully the why
their view might be held.
Have you ever received a critique which at first appeared 'attacking,' when indeed it ended up
by M Moon on September 13th, 2007
being a positive criticism?
It is unfortunately true that many individuals do not know 'how' to be communicatively open. Perhhaps out of their own defensive fears, it appears that these folks have not learned how to create win-win in most, if not all, situations. Beloved and I have an interesting 'game' we are playing: (We have over the years literally studied the art of cooperation and still do to this day.) Recently, we decided to see if we, during any debate between us, could find a way or mental method to view the other as absolutely RIGHT (or correct) in their views. This has challenged our 'instinctive' need to
be 'more' right than the other. Very, very interesting! Actually, this has virtually changed how we
discuss many a topic! When anyone doesn't feel 'the need' to be right, let alone 'more' right, discussions become wide open, not just in views of the topic at hand, but in scope of its potential communication!
by M Moon on September 13th, 2007
I agree totally that there are many people who need to feel 'right'all the time and are really upset if someone disagrees with them. Maybe this goes back to the 'my tribe is bigger and better than your tribe' scenerio...Perhaps this is very close to the root of many of our society's problems. Learning when to say 'I am wrong' or 'I respect your right to your own views' is something many people never master.
by DA BEN DAN yanggui zi on September 13th, 2007
True enough! It would be wonderful for those of us who are at least attempting to learn more about cooperation and LISTENING to be able to come up with not just the reasons why this behavior exists, but to actually and concretely offer easily understood solutions to do so. I would bet my bottom dollar that many people would like to ease tensions not only in their own homes with their own families, but would love to 'pay it forward.' Any ideas?
by M Moon on September 13th, 2007