Although it may not be obvious, the situation you've described isn't about just a difference in sex drive. When a woman in a long-term committed relationship loses her previous interest in sex and thinks of it as a "chore," it's a sign that something is out of whack. One of the classic reasons women lose interest in sex is that they aren't being satisfied sexually. This can happen for many different reasons. Our sexual responses may change for physiological reasons such as childbirth, menopause, or just the effects of aging. Some health conditions such as diabetes can impact a woman's libido, as can many medications. Such changes often creep up so slowly that the woman herself may not be aware of them until one day she suddenly realizes she is no longer enjoying sex. At that point, she may not know how to tell her partner or even if she should. Sometimes a woman will lose interest in sex simply because so much of her time and energy is going into raising a family that it's difficult for her to "switch gears" and suddenly become lovingly intimate when her husband is ready for sex. (This is especially true of women who also have careers.) Then she may have trouble expressing to her partner her need for some extra time and foreplay to "get in the mood," and so he may remain unaware of the problem. Another thing that can seriously impact a woman's desire for sex with her partner is having unresolved issues in the relationship. Men seem to be able to set aside almost any kind of issue and focus on sex. But for women, if our minds or hearts are in turmoil, it's almost impossible for us to enjoy sex. The best way to resolve this is to determine what the real problem is and resolve that. Start by consulting with your physician to rule out any medical reason for your lack of interest in sex. After than, seek out a couples or relationship couselor, preferrably with your partner. It's very difficult for most people to resolve long-standing issues, either personal or relationship, without guidance from a neutral third party who is knowledgable about such situations. Even if your partner won't join you, I urge you to go anyhow, as it may well provide you with the tools and guidance you need to recover your interest in sex even without your partner's participation. However, it would be best by far if you worked on it together. Mutually satisfying sexual intimacy is an important part of a good relationship, and is definately worth working for! Enlist your partner in the quest for it, and you may find renewed joy in your relationship on many levels.

I am going to re-phrase your question because you used some VERY strong words, which usually indicates that it is not a surface issue... it is a deeper issue. When you read the re-phrase, see if it identifies with how you REALLY feel. If it hits a core nerve... you will discover what the answer is to your question: "Years ago [I loved my husband], but now [I hate my husband] "for"___________ and, now, because of how I really feel, when he touches me or even mentions sex, [I feel helpless] like sex is chore, but my husband wants sex every other night. [My marriage feels hopeless]. How can I tell my husband the way I really feel about him so that I can somehow free myself from the emotional pain of helplessness and despair because I am with the man that I no longer love the way I did years ago? I just can't stand to have sex with him anymore! Someone... Please help me! I am dying inside and I am all out of Love... what should I do?" Is this re-phrase correct? I am quite certain that you have fallen out of love with your husband. I am quite certain that you "hate" your husband... something he did, does or doesn't do is what you hate. You might like him... but you certainly do not love him... and that is OK. You did not need permission to fall in love... and NO ONE ever needs permission to fall OUT of love, either. It just happens sometimes. First of all, IF I am correct... and if you feel that the marriage is over. You need to stop having sex with your husband. It takes two people and if one of you (you) isn't feeling love for the other (him)... you should not have sex for his sake. It is your body and your emotions. You will be forcing yourself into what is known as, "splitting." Splitting is dangerous because it damages our self-esteem and our core identity. It also enforces psychological rape. You have some major issues here that you need to get some help with. This is not something that one person should go through alone. Go get some experienced help.

Can I ask you a (rhetorical) personal question? Apart from sex, how is your relationship with your husband? Do you feel as if he makes an effort to meet your needs and make you happy? Do you feel that he values you as a person, a friend and a lover? Issues with sex are usually symptoms of deeper relationship issues, and I believe this may be the case. I believe in two schools of relational thinking: 'His needs, her needs', and 'Love and Respect'. We all have needs, and men and women have two sets of critical needs that are essential to their wellbeing and happiness. Men, as the classical club-wielding cave-men, tend to lean towards needing sexual fulfillment, respect and admiration, playmate companionship and so forth. Women tend to lean more towards affection, intimacy and openness, security and feeling valued. I would recommend first that you step back and take a look at things in general. Are you satisfied with your relationship? Do you feel content? If not, what areas are lacking? A lack in an area of relationship will cause feelings of distance and resentment, and can lead to serious conflict in relationships. Now for a big question: Do you feel loved? If you don't, no wonder sex feels like a chore. I could imagine if you feel used, like he is just taking what he wants without regard to your needs. It is a (sadly) all too common thing. He needs to know. Try talking to him in a non-threatening way. Focus on your feelings, rather than his doings. Focusing on his doings puts him on the defensive, and he will more likely than not back away from any conversation like that. Making yourself vulnerable to him by sharing your feelings will hopefully encourage him to come close to you. I would recommend that you both read the books "His Needs, Her Needs", and "Love and Respect", and see what you get from it. For you to repair whatever damage there is in your relationship, you both need to work on it, and build each other back up to the level you fell from. I believe that once you begin to meet each other's needs and fulfil each other's lives, then sex will once again become a joy for you. I hope this is of some help.

Perhaps, you should seek marriage counseling. Clearly, there is something missing from your relationship and sexual intercourse isn't the main problem. There are other ways of showing affection; besides, sexual intercourse. I would recommend spending more quality time with each other and telling each other, at least, on a daily basis, 1 positive thing you like about each other. If you'll reflect on why you're in love with your husband and how enjoyable your first years of marriage were, and focus on these positive attributes, then you'll find your marriage improving. More than likely, your sex drive has decreased due to a number of factors such as daily stresse, anxiety, worry, and other components. Good luck & I hope this helps!

Thank you...I'm only 21 with a baby and my sex drive is like only once a month, my bf doesn't understand how hormones can change. I'm glad I'm no the only one!

this happened to me, didnt want husband to touch me, he want sex all the time and the thought of it made me ill,i tryed all kinds of pills anything i could think of to make myself interested.but it didnt work,I am no longer with my husband, i realized at the end it was a subconsous thing[he cheated on me a few years back] i thought i was ok with it but really wasnt and my body was telling me so.I am now with a boyfriend and my sex-drive is totally back, too much sometimes lol

Sometimes it is the man who feels that sex is a chore, and he gets turned off. This is not an exclusively woman thing.

Sounds like you need to figure out the reason that you no longer like sex and fix it.

Try do some new things ... and avoid the intercourse for a one month or two... there r many things to do in sexuality. We can call it Erotica.

You could always tell him to get a prostitute, that way he will be happy and he will leave you alone. Just a suggestion!!!

Honey, are you going thru peri-menopause are you in your late 30's if so its hormonal..Get to a doctor and tell them your situation...

Let him have sex with other women who aren't hostile and frigid. Why make the poor guy suffer, just because you have issues? Chemistry only sustains a relationship for so long - most marriages take a lot of work. If you don't want to put in the effort, and least let your husband be happy - you'll both be better off.....

You need female viagra, they have something, just don't know what its called.

tell him about this and go to doctor

This is common among women as they age. Perhaps hubby would be satisfied with twice a week. But, remember that sex is a physical expression of a spiritual and emotional act.

You and your husband need to return sex back to expression of love. Talk to him and try spicy it up. For example buy sexy clothing. Or go out one day with nothing on but a coat . Try having sex in different places. My husband and I does this we have sex in different places. Sometimes I go out in sexy attire just to tempt my husband. Sometime nothing but a coat. It keep our sex live fun , alive and spicy. You may also want talk to you husband seek outside counseling.