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by Anonymous on December 29th, 2005

Anonymous

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Help answer this question below.

I recently filed for divorce from my wife. How would I prove to the courts that I am the better parent for primary residential custody?

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Answers. 8 helpful answers below.

  • by Grandma Roses - my avatar is my real dog on January 16th, 2006

    Grandma Roses - my avatar is my real dog

    This does not directly answer the question, but consider Judge Judy's frequent take on this subject - 'You picked him/her!'. In other words, you chose not only to marry this person, but to have a family with him/her. If this person is such a scumbag/dope addict/alcoholic/(add your own insult here), then what does that say about your own judgment? What kind of a mature and wise person, and therefore 'fit parent' are you really?

    If you believe that your ex is an unfit parent, you have an uphill battle on your hands, unless he/she willingly admits to the faults that you accuse him/her of. And even then, even if you are granted custody, your ex is liable to be granted access that is more liberal than you would wish, because the children are entitled to have significant contact with both parents.

    In the heat of the inevitable conflicts that arise in a separation and divorce, especially if it is acrimonious, all parties see only the worst sides of the other. The best thing that you can do is to be open to using the services of a mediator or family therapist; unlike your attorney, this person does not take sides and as an impartial observer, can recommend solutions to custody and access issues that satisfy all parties, if only partially or short term. Then when the dust settles, you might find that the situation is not so bad and that you and your ex can exercise your rights under the agreement with more flexibility than you can perceive at this time.

    Of course, in the case of very serious health or crime issues, the evidence will be so obvious that your lawyer will have little difficulty in presenting evidence to the court. Beware, though, that your ex's lawyer will try to pay you back in your own coin; don't be the pot calling the kettle black.

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  • by guizmo40 on August 12th, 2006

    guizmo40

    Guess what, I bet your wife is asking that very same question. So, I advise you both to love your child or children and let them have the right to have both parents. These angry, sad, disgusting custody battles take a toll on everyone but mostly the children. And if by such you wish comes true, I hope you stay the better parent by never bashing the mom to them and remembering that they were made of love. They only deserve love sir that is all children ask for...

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  • by Anonymous on January 12th, 2006

    Anonymous

    First of all, it literally depends on what State you live in.
    For example, In Michigan... my brother hired an attorney and paid him over $10,000. to fight for custody when there was proof that the childrens mother was an alchoholic, smoking dope and doing cocaine. The court knew this to be true and ordered her to enter into rehab... over and over again, while my brothers attorney could not win the case no matter what. He finally gave up the fight and the girls mother finally did end up having a stroke from the drug abuse. But by that time the girls were grown and had just moved out of their mothers home.
    To answer your question:
    In order to "prove" that you are the "better" parent... get ready for this one...
    You need to take take your children to church regularly and have them enrolled in "churchy" things. I'm not kidding!
    Separation of church and state?
    Yeah... right.
    You will need to attend as many school functions as possible and get character witnesses to sign for you that you are a decent person and loving, supportive parent.
    Church... be it right or wrong ...is one of the Top deciding factors that judges look at when determining who is the best parent. You must do things FOR the children with their best interest in mind.
    Do you take them to the doctor or does she?
    Do you make them breakfast and do their laundry, or does she?
    Who goes to church?
    WHO SMOKES and who does not?
    In some cases, especially with the fairly new no smoking laws in public buildings, a judge can decide that a parent who smokes around or near the children is a hazard for them and that the smoking parent does not have the childs best interest in mind.
    You will have to prove that the other parent smokes around the children and HOW CONCERNED YOU are about it, for the childrens sake.
    Be clever, but always use "proof" from the perspective that YOU are the better parent BECAUSE of the benefit of the children and not from the detriment of the ex-wife. The children ALWAYS come first. You must prove that in every way that you can think of. Taking them to DisneyLand isn't going to win you any points.
    Can they sing in a church quire?
    If too young, do you attend "after church" activities so that EVERYONE can "see what a good father you are?"
    I'm not joking.
    Good Luck!

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  • by George R. McCasland on June 7th, 2009

    George R. McCasland

    ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
    I’ve been a Father’s Rights Advocate for 20 years.

    Many think the courts are rigged against dads, but in reality, it is more about attorneys unwilling or lacking the knowledge to truly fight for the father's rights. This is why it is important to learn how to interview and hire the right attorney. It is also important to do as much as possible on your own and not pay the attorney to do it.

    Part of the problem with getting your rights knowing what to do to prove your case, and how to remind the judge of their responsibilities. Let me start with the judge.

    Always take people with you to court who are not there to testify. Make sure they are sitting where the judge can see them, each equipped with a tablet and pen to take notes. It’s best to use a Court Watch Form designed for this purpose. I have one in the manual at Dads House.

    If the judge is not doing his job, using the info from this form, you can, appeal, and/or get the judge sanctioned and removed from the case. You file a complaint with the State Supreme Court at your state capital.

    Start keeping a daily journal of all your activities. The most common way to prevent a father from getting his rights through the courts is a false allegation, usually sexual. Over 60% of divorcing father are accused of child sexual abuse, of which only 4% are found to have any relevance, but there are no penalties for doing so. A daily journal is your number one piece of evidence in court and you can even refer to it while on the stand.

    Gather evidence. Check the site below to see if it is illegal to record conversations without the other person knowing. If your state does not have a law either way, than it defaults to the federal ruling which says one person in a conversation must know they are being recorded. You’re that one person. In Missouri it is specifically legal, in Kansas there is no mention either way. If you live in two different states, and one has a law against it, than it applies when the call originates from within that state,
    http://www.rcfp.org/taping/

    Now, you can't just record, you also have to transcribe it into the daily journal.

    If you want to learn how to do all this go to Dads House in Yahoo Groups. Upon joining, you will receive a link for downloading a free 200 page educational manual that can teach you what you need to know. Take the time to learn what you can and should do.

    http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/DadsHouse/
    http://tinyurl.com/GiveKidsAChoice
    http://www.fathersandfamilies.org/
    http://www.parentalalienation.org/

    http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=27395259

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  • by Honda_mx-er on May 15th, 2006

    Honda_mx-er

    In Maryland, my experience and other men I have spoken with have left the custody hearing absolutely in shock over the courts one-sided decisions aimed at ruining the man financially. Additionally almost always giving much more visitation time towards the wife which will drive up the support payments.
    In my case, I had a 10 year history after my first wife and I split with regard to our son. Both of us worked together to be sure our son was the focus of our discussions while leaving out our personal issues. My ex got a job and contributed towards the support of our child to the BEST OF HER ABILITY. We made sure a fair EVEN visitation schedule was established from the very beginning and that a REASONABLE support payment from me was started. She didn't allow her attorney or the judge kick me to the gutter. We never deviated from the visitation schedule during the entire 10 year history. Our son was 4 when we split, he is now 15 and will be receiving another straight "A" report card which he has accomplished since 6th grade. He participates in 2 scholastic sporting event in his first year of Sr. High School while taking 3 Gifted and Talented subjects. He will be earning his Eagle Scout Award by the end of the year and truely loves both of us. WHY? Because both of us refused to let the Divorce Court "System" ruin another child by setting rediculous restrictions and giving the woman ALL of the decision power concerning the childs well being. We both were active in his education. I was a Cub Scout Leader for 5 years supporting him with all he acheived. Both his mother and I were present at all of his little league games cheering him on.
    Now comes my 2nd divorce with my ex up and leaving me with our two children. Her reason for leaving was she didn't always get her way because our 4th marriage counselor suggested that I stop being her doormat. She was a stay at home Mom that I provided for with a beautiful Rancher home on a very large corner lot in a great sought after neighborhood. The best rated schools in the County and a nice new 2000 Toyota Avalon.
    She made me miserable throughout the entire proceedings both financially and mentally. I'm now broke, pay rent for a 2 bedroom apartment (yep 2 bedroom with me and 3 kids) and am ordered to pay 2/3 of my income to child support. I paid allimony for 1 year as well. It's been 2 years now since the seperation and she still has no job, lives with her mother and has her attorney call mine for every little detail of discussion. This woman has a college degree and is very good at her educated field! I'm so tired of dealing with her that I have given up seeing my children. I can't even bear to think how screwed up those to darling children are going to be because of her self centered actions and her using the courts to make me feel that I'm a useless parent despite my past history with my first child. I got tired of calling the police to make her give me the children. Heck, my 1st wife even got on the stand for me to testify what a good father I am. I spent $17,000 on attorney fees. SICK
    So, I'll get off my soapbox now (I do feel better so thanks for letting me vent) and end with this....
    The divorce court system in this country is in a shambles and needs to be totally overhauled. The father IS and can be a nurtureing parent and should have an opinion concerning the children.

    I'm done

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  • by RedJohn on January 13th, 2006

    RedJohn

    This may be a difficult thing to do, unless there are obvious problems with the other parent.

    I strongly disagree with the other poster who said going to church makes a difference. I have yet to meet anyone who has been granted custody on such a basis. It is more likely to work against you if you suddenly discover religion the day after you separate. The courts don't look at what you are doing today - and might stop doing tomorrow - but at what you have done for the previous decade.

    Some parents miraculously become deeply caring over the care of their children immediately after separation. They become model citizens, paragons of virtue, working in the best interests of the child's health, education, and morality. The courts have seen it all and tend to ask: "So? There's no evidence you acted like this when you were living with them." I have seen cases like this tossed out of court. It's not a smart thing to do, since it damages your credibility.

    Since many parents try to "prove" the other parent unfit, the courts are wary of such arguments. They are used so frequently that neither parent is trusted to tell the truth. Calling someone unfit because they smoke and drink, for example, doesn't cut it, unless they have a history of drinking until they are comatose and forcing you to run home from work to care for the children on a regular basis.

    The husband is often at a disadvantage if the children are young and have enjoyed a stay-at-home mother. The court usually awards physical custody to the parent with whom they have the strongest relationship. It is difficult for someone to be out of the home all day at a job to compete with someone who is home and caring for the children. The courts tend to favour the parent who has been physically with them most of the time. The other parent may then be granted joint legal custody, if your jurisdiction separates physical and legal custody.

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  • by meme1300 on May 23rd, 2010

    meme1300

    I do not have an answer - but another question - what if your spouse is a sex offenender and although it was ok for the children to grow up in a home with both parents around at all times, you are just not sure about how thier life would turn out living with your ex given the harsh restrictions the offender has to deal with day to day - not going to school events, not able to have childs friends over to play, difficulty with travel and getting from one place to the next. All those things that made life hard when we were together - to me would be doubled if the child was not with me! I would be able to provide a happy home where thier childhood will be more normal. So sorry to hord in on your question but your answers helped me.

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  • by Cherub on December 5th, 2008

    Cherub

    Usually it is the woman who gets them unless you can prove her unfit. Plus the ages of the children matter so does the state that you live.

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