MY sister (just 18) is going to get married to her bf of 2 years. She shares the bedroom with me and then shes moving to a army base when her year is done. Our parents have always been judgemental about her choices. How would you tell the parents?
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89bravo
ANSWERS: 4
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I'd just do it! If she is 18 there is no need to tell them and I wouldn't even feel bad if they are that judgemental!
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Tell them. You don't have to "ask" them, but you must tell them. Be nice but be firm. Try not to get into any arguments. Don't go into the past. Both of you should be there when you tell them. Ask them to come to the marriage. If they say that they won't then leave the invitation open. Second, look carefully at the reasons that your parents have for objecting. They may have some valid points.
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How should YOU tell them? You shouldn't. How should SHE tell them? Honestly, openly, calmly. Call a family meeting. Sit down at the table together. Ask that there be discussion rules - one person speaks at a time. She should explain her decision and be open to questions and suggestions. She will need to realize that they will likely criticize. Avoid becoming overly emotional or defensive. Perhaps she could research, in advance, the place where she will be living and the benefits of being a military spouses (education, medical coverage, networking and job opportunities, travel). Then, perhaps have the fiance' join the discussion. Ultimately, it will be her decision and her actions. Her family can choose to support her or ostracize her. If your parents can see that she is serious about it and they want to, at least, maintain some sort of relationship with her, they will work with her on it.
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Try to be really mature and firm, without getting nasty, no matter what they say. Practice telling them and practice remaining cool and sweet before you go to see them. By your attitude you may move one parent or even both of them to your side. Your BF should prep himself for the meeting too.He should be respectful, non-argumentative, and should listen to them with out thinking up answers to each thing that they say. A smile and a nod, can be amazingly convincing. LISTEN. SMILE. DON'T ANSWER EVERYTHING. When, or if, you are ready to talk, remind your parents that you and your BF have listened carefully, without interrupting, and that you hope they will do the same.
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