Hi and welcome to "the bag" :-) Its hard being shy I know, Take a look at this site, it has some good tips. : http://www.self-confidence.co.uk/shyness/tips.html

Make a list of all the positive things about yourself. I know you said you had low self esteem (and I can relate!) but be honest and really try to look at the positives in your life. I know it is hard when you are depressed. Carry that list with you and look at it when you are feeling down. Have your friends write positive things also. Think of some good conversation starters and write them down. Carry them with you also so that whenever you want to talk to someone you don't have to try to suddenly think of something to say right off the top of your head. If nothing else, carry around trivial pursuit cards. That's what I do on long trips with my husband because he complains I never have anything to talk about.

Hi. here's a book that might help you understand and feel better about yourself. "The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World" by Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D. Good luck.

Yes. Work on self-awareness instead of self-esteem. There's a lot of "narrative" in your description of yourself -- vague generalizations about your mood, what type of person you are, etc. That's a sign of basically being out-of-touch with your actual internal state! Basically, you're relating to your own psychological processes in a very abstract way, instead of experiencing each moment exactly as it is. For example, suppose you have this thought when watching someone else play the guitar: "wow, that person is really talented, I wish I had talent like that". What is that thought? It's just a thought, that's all. But what you're likely to do with it in your current mode is to "play with it" some more... i.e. to follow it up with "I'm just no good at anything, I don't have any talent. If I had talent, maybe I'd be more popular, and more confident, and .... " etc. All that internal "chatter" is irrelevant to the current moment! What is actually going on is that somebody is playing the guitar. Your job is to listen to the music, not wander off into endless internal dialog. So what there is to do is learn to just notice all of those thoughts, and return to listening to the music. This is sometimes called "being present" -- to be able to engage with life as it is, in the moment, without getting lost in self-centered thinking. This can take practice, because like many of us, you've probably been doing the "self-centered dream" for most of your life... that behavior is ingrained and heavily conditioned. But it's still just a bad habit that can be broken with effort and awareness. If you keep practicing this way, there comes a point at which you realize something interesting about all that internal dialog: it all sounds the same. It's all about ME... i.e. "what does this mean about me?", "what do THEY think of me?", "what sort of person am I?", etc. If you are aware of these thoughts, they really start to become quite tedious, and it becomes obvious that they cut you off from just the simple satisfaction of being alive one moment at a time. Someone who can tune in to reality, someone who can just be present... has no issues with self-esteem. They just engage life as it comes, acting appropriately to the situation, and appreciating whatever is going on just as it is. Living that way makes all this talk about self-esteem and being shy just vanish like snow thrown into a fire.

Listen, you ok My friend, the best answer I can give you, is a piece of wisdom this old lady gave me long time ago: She said, TO KNOW SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVE YET TO EXPERIECE IS TOO SIMPLY EXPERIENCE IT. so, with your above anxiety to socialize, but you feel that you do- Just experience it! ...and besides, the fears that you are create about, WHAT IF THIS OR WHAT IF THAT OR ABOUT HE OR SHE, it does'nt exist, but only in your head. So my advise, get out of your head and get in the game and have fun! if this answer is good, will you offer me points? and if you need further assistance, go to my site, www.chrisleecompanies.com

This is a little poem I wrote and read daily. It helps me and I hope it helps you! Merry Christmas! Put your name in place of mine! Marc IS Perhaps not what you want him to be Perhaps seen as a wise man By others a fool just let Marc be Marc You cannot change this force Some see Marc as Religious How dare you try and restrict The ebb and flow of Life Sit back and enjoy the ride Don’t throw stones at energy They will burn up in the process Smile at the smiling Life abounds Just let Marc be Marc Don’t try and contain this joyful spirit He will share his love No need to constrict No need to try and figure it out Look, learn for yourself FLY!!! Marc Kostner Aug. 28, 08

I used to be a lot like you. At first it can be very difficult, but the best thing to do is make friends with people online before you talk to them in person, this way when you first chat all Non-verbal cues are removed from the conversation, and then when you meet in person you already know each other in a sense. Soon after your self confidence in public will become greater and you will find it easy to talk to people who you want to talk to. But most of all remember to smile at people, that always makes me feel a lot better. I hope this helped

first of all i feel sry for u. but i understand how ur feeling. r u hating life in general or is there something that has affected u to be like this? as for me, there is no joy. i get insulted for who i am (but who the fuck cares. i dont care anymore.) I am who i am (but i try to change.) i feel a sense of apathy in me. therefore i dont have a lot of friends either. so i have a lot of solitary moments that leads me into depression often. i cant be much help but ive tried making friends with somehow more chearful people because it does give me passion and afterall, i want to keep my self-esteem high wherever possible. i get jealous of the people who always have fun and laugh. i wish my life were different. chear up kay? xxx :)

Hello, it's been awhile since i've looked at this and there have been a few posts after i stopped reading, thank you all very much for your support. Your answers were slightly off in some places (that's my fault i gave the wrong impression when phrasing the question). My social anxiety was sort of like a phobia, i didn't really feel scared that they wouldn't like me. I just felt intense anxiety / fear when i tried to speak, i had no reasoning behind it. I have been working on it these past few years and i have gotten a lot better than i was. I have been slowly gaining friends over the years (now i have quite a few :) infact i managed to get a girlfriend and we have been together over 6 months). The way i did it was by taking small steps, avoiding crowded areas to begin with, having small conversations with people, then building it up. Now i'm fine with crowded places and talking to strangers, i do have the occasional problem, but it is rare now. My self esteem and depression also wasn't rooted in others opinion of me, it was entirely in my opinion of myself. Unfortunately i'm yet to find a solution to these, but it is not as bad as before. I may try telling my friends about this and possibly the problems i faced in the past, this will probably do me a lot of good, and may help my self esteem. A piece of advice i'd like to share with anyone going through this, don't go through it alone like i did in the beginning. Things only got better when i shared with people. I'm am very glad for everyones help and i hope my question and everyone answers to it have helped others with similar problems. As this is not a nice problem to face alone. Now that i can talk it seems its hard to get me to shut up :) Thank you all xxx - Charlie (anonymous)