by A on August 30th, 2007

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When is it okay to break a promise?

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Answers. 131 helpful answers below.

by Cyndi Ninja on December 6th, 2007

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When keeping that promise could cause someone harm.
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- I agree. Thank you. :]
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on January 27th, 2008
- Yw :)
  
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  by Cyndi Ninja on January 27th, 2008
- :)
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on February 3rd, 2008
- i agree.. a promise is a promise its made to keep but if it comes to harm that person..then its in the best intrest to break it
  
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  by teddybear on April 3rd, 2008
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by AntigoneRising on December 7th, 2007

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When it becomes clear to you that keeping the promise causes more harm than breaking it. Generally, this means that it would harm yourself or others.
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- Good respond, i agree with you.
  
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  by superd97 on January 11th, 2008
- I agree.
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on December 30th, 2008
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by Gingerminx on December 6th, 2007

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If breaking the promise would save a life.
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by Taylor on January 27th, 2008

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I honestly think the answer is much more complex than any simple answer can give.

Throughout life, there are times when promises are broken, for varying reasons. Marriage is a promise, but most people don't expect unhappy people to stay married.

You might promise your mom and dad you'll never smoke or drink, then time goes by and you find you've done one or both.

While we can and should all strive to do the best we can to keep any and all promises we make, it just sometimes doesn't happen.

I do not take promises lightly, and I always mean to keep every one I make, but circumstances surrounding the original promise can drastically change. I don't think that a promise can necessarily be taken as a sacred oath that must never be broken. Sometimes, breaking a promise is necessary and even the correct thing to do.

Say you promise your mother-in-law you won't move away with her daughter and you get a great job opportunity in another state that will be in the best interest of your family.

You promise a friend you won't tell his parents that he's doing drugs and then he becomes so horribly addicted that measures have to be taken to save his life.

The list just goes on and on.

While the best course of action would certainly be to never promise anyone anything, most of us do it, and we do it with the best of intentions, fully intending to follow-through with that promise till the day we die.

The plain fact is that life sometimes just changes things.
Comments
- Thank you, Taylor. :]
  
  Here is the situation I was in when I asked this question.. :
  
  I introduced two of my close friends to each other on March Break, 2007. She lives in a different city and he lives in the same city as I do. She was visiting. We hung out. I added him to her MSN. I'm not sure if that was before or after they met, but still. My friend and my sister convinced me that I liked this guy and I ended up admitting to him that I did. Knowing I liked him, the next week... he cuddled with me at lunch and stuff like that. He'd walk home with me and hold my hand, hug me and put his arm around my shoulder and all that. He even tried to kiss me at a certain point. This went on for 2-3 days. One of those days was my birthday. Well, he ended up telling me that he had a girlfriend after all that. I don't know if he was with her or if he started dating her again after. I hope it was the second, because I really did believe he was single. I allowed myself to be manipulated by him and I
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on January 27th, 2008
- even tried to tell him that it wouldn't be a good idea if we remained friends. He got pissed off at me for that because he'd left for his cottage and came back to me telling him that. The truth is that while he was away, I was able to think for myself. Instead I got blamed and I was always the one apologizing. He never did. Eventually, my friend that visited from another city fell for him. They knew that they liked each other. He ended up telling me that he has a girlfriend and somehow got me to promise not to tell her. It really hurt because he was acting like he was single to her and I wasn't sure what to do. I ended up finding away "around it". She went off to a different country and ended up finding a guy there that she liked and when she came back to Canada, she found out that guy had a girlfriend and told me. I said something along the lines of, "Oh really? Well, I don't see a difference between him and (insert guys name we both know here)." She was shocked and surprise and her
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on January 27th, 2008
- reaction was something along the lines of, "WHAT?" I ended up giving her a link to the girl's Facebook and said something along the lines of, "Ask her who her boyfriend is." She figured it out right then and there and was crushed and hurt. I knew it was better for her to know now instead of actually ending up in a relationship with someone who hides important things from her. Well, I ended up telling him that she knows about his girlfriend. I even told him how she found out. He got really mad and called me a bad friend, irrational b-tch, and so on. He told me that a good way to lose all my friends is to break all my promises. Well, that hurt. He said that I still broke the promise and I was only in this whole thing for myself and so on. He told me I was portraying him as a lying a--hole. Truth be told, he came up with the words "lying a--hole" himself. I didn't even call him that. He got mad at me and hasn't talked to me since. I still see him in the hallways at school, but whatever.
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on January 27th, 2008
- I told her that he knows that she knows, and she got mad at me, too, and called me a b-tch. She said she wanted to tell him on her own time that she knew all about it all along. She also said something like I was in it all for myself. I was only trying to do the right thing. I mean, if I was in that situation, I would want someone to tell me so I know that I can move on. She was pretty bad. How could they think I was in it for myself when I got two people who I happened to INTRODUCE to each other mad at me? Well, luckily she found it in her heart to forgive me and we are friends again. She now understands why I did what I did and she has a boyfriend now (not him) who actually treats her with respect. He doesn't talk to me anymore (our last conversation was on September 1st, 2007), but really... I am probably better off without him. My grades actually improved first term. That's my story. Was I right or wrong?
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on January 27th, 2008
- I said 'She was pretty bad' in this, and I think I meant.. 'mad' .. not bad. : /
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on January 27th, 2008
- Doll, I am so much older than you. I can look at this from my 50-year-old man perspective and see every error, every lie, and every bit of teenage angst. I do remember what it WAS like to be where you are now, though.
  
  First of all, this 'guy' has learned very early on how to manipulate women. Maybe one day he'll grow out of it and become a real great, stand-up kind of guy. Thankfully, most men DO eventually grow up, though they often leave a lot of pissed off, broken-hearted, and even emotionally damaged women in their wake.
  
  He is the bad guy in this scenario and he played you. He took advantage of your heart and your emotions and he manipulated you like a puppet. You made the mistake of making a promise that you know in your heart that you never should have made. You payed for that bad decision and, hopefully, you've learned from it.
  
  (cont.)
  
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  by Taylor on January 27th, 2008
- Once you got involved with him, once you succumbed to his charms, you became guilty of betrayal. That is the way you see it. You think you betrayed your friend. Once that happened, the whole thing spun out of control for you.
  
  You couldn't do the 'right' thing, which was telling her about the girlfriend, because you felt you had also betrayed her. He also could have outed you on that, and that also
  made you afraid.
  
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  by Taylor on January 27th, 2008
- In the end, the series of little 'hints' and 'clues' just made things worse. You will find, as you get older, that it always will. You are much better off just either spilling your guts and taking your lumps or just keeping your mouth completely shut.
  
  So, did you do the wrong thing? Well, not really. Your friend had the right to know, but you actually did it rather badly. Don't beat yourself up about it, though. You're young and nothing teaches like experience. That may sound lame to you, but it is a natural thing. While you seem very mature for your age, you are still inexperienced and ill-prepared to deal with a lot of the manipulation and deception that you will encounter throughout your life.
  
  The important thing is that you hopefully learned something from this incident. Learn from your mistakes and do your very best not to repeat them, though most of us have to mess up a couple of times before we really 'get it'. Maybe that won't be the case with you, but you wouldn't be the first or last to stumble.
  
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  by Taylor on January 27th, 2008
- The guy is a tool and you'll realize that, if you haven't already. He was never your friend. He was out only for himself all along. While that may hurt to hear, this will not be the last time that a man fools you in such a way. Not all guys are pigs, but separating the sincere ones from the ones who lie so they can get what they want is a very tough task for people of all ages, but most especially for the young.
  
  The story you told has been told a million times. In the end, as long as you did what you really felt was the RIGHT thing to do, for the right reasons, then learn from it and move on. :)
  
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  by Taylor on January 27th, 2008
- Thanks for listening and explaining. :]
  Yeah.. I try not to make promises anymore.
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on January 27th, 2008
- I'm not saying you shouldn't make promises. Just try your best not to make promises that you know in your heart, at the time you are making them, are not good promises. Those will always come back to bite you in the ass and cause you pain.
  
  I think you're really a terrific girl. I think you are a very rare and unusual person. You are sensitive, thoughtful, brave, and very intelligent. You are going to be one hell of a woman.
  
  I mean that with the utmost sincerity. You stand out in the crowd, my dear. I hope you keep that strength of character and bright, fearless nature.
  
  Don't ever let some man take that away from you. So many of them will supposedly fall in love with you for those qualities and then try to beat them out of you. It happened to my wife more than once. She was strong enough to hold onto herself, though not without nearly succumbing, in one instance. Strong women ROCK. Any worthy man will revel in it and be a partner.
  
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  by Taylor on January 27th, 2008
- Well, I didn't really know what he was going to tell me. It was one of those things that went something like "If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell?" and a blind "Yeah. Sure." I realize it's all a mistake now, though. I understand what you are saying, though. Thank you. :]
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on January 27th, 2008
- Taylor, did you cut your hair or is it just in a ponytail in your avatar?
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on March 29th, 2008
- Ponytail. That's the way I wear it most of the time, when I'm at work, especially. When at home or on vacation, I rock it out. ;)
  
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  by Taylor on March 30th, 2008
- Oh cool. :)
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on March 30th, 2008
- Hey Taylor, thank you so much for this conversation. You know what the weird thing is? He's called me a tool. I guess I've finally realized that he is everything he accuses me of. I made the mistake of giving him another chance. I'm done with this, though. There's only so much a person can take. You are right. He never was my friend. He was out for himself all along. The sincere and honest guys are the most amazing ones, not the ones who manipulate their way into the heads of women and try to beat their good qualities out of them so that they can feel better about themselves. Anyway, again, thank you so much. I may have wanted to be right back then, but I can look at our conversation now and I can tell that you told me all of what you told me because you cared enough to be honest and tell me what I needed to hear, no matter what I thought. Your wife is a very lucky woman, but that does not mean that you aren't a lucky man. :]
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on December 30th, 2008
- :) I'm very happy that you have come to the end of a bad road. I hope very sincerely that you have 'come into your own' and that you find a man who appreciates that fearless nature and wonderful strength that you seem to possess.
  
  I am a VERY lucky man to have found my wife, btw. She is my rock and my 'home'. I hope you are fortunate enough to find your own amazing person. Just don't be in a huge hurry. My experience is that the best things come along when you least expect them. Life is funny like that.
  
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  by Taylor on January 1st, 2009
- I'm already there.
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on January 1st, 2009
- ""If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell?" and a blind "Yeah. Sure."
  
  When people ask me things like that I tell them, "It depends on what it is".
  
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  by Brian on January 4th, 2009
- Brian, that's good advice! As I've gotten older, I also find myself leery of those kinds of casual promises, but when you're YOUNG, you don't think like that. It's live and learn. You know that. :)
  
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  by Taylor on January 9th, 2009
- Well, I've learned my lesson. Don't make promises unless you know what they entail and you know you can follow up with them for an absolute fact. I'd rather have a reputation where people just trust me.
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on January 9th, 2009
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by sweetcheeks on January 8th, 2008

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When you know that the promise that you made is going to wind up hurting someone in the long run.
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- I agree. Thank you. :)
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on January 8th, 2008
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by Manbear on February 10th, 2008

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The best way (and this is how I live my life) Is to not make promises you MAY not be able to keep.

I have said many times "I can't make that promise".

But if push comes to shove and you have given your word, then choose the lesser of two evils.
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- Thank you for your answer.
  Your last sentence reminds me of the song "Stand" by Rascal Flatts.
  Do you by any chance like that song?
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on March 5th, 2008
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by Tigger on January 29th, 2008

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if you promise to so something that may harm others!
but before promising you should always think 1st 2 check you can promise and keep it
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- Thanks. :)
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on February 3rd, 2008
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by jamaine12 on December 10th, 2007

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If you can cause hurt and misery from that promise..:)
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by Anonymous on November 25th, 2009

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When keeping it is going to cause harm.
+5
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by Eli922 on November 25th, 2009

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when you know it is going to hurt you or someone else
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by Isle-dreams on November 16th, 2009

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yes, very true. if someone will be harmed or that someone will harm themselves.
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by Vaporeongirl on November 16th, 2009

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When keeping it will hurt you or somebody else.
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 13th, 2009

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If the promise was made under duress (threat or physical force). +3
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by Kevisaurus is a Carnotaurus today on December 6th, 2007
When you know that there will be no real way to keep it intact.
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by SaraZita on December 7th, 2007
life or death situation that's it
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by Lonewolf_001 on December 6th, 2007
When you know you can't keep it. Though you really shouldn't have made that promise in the fist place then. But if you've made one and cant keep it, make sure you tell the other person and tell them why you cant.
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by Angel of Music on February 10th, 2008
NEVER! A promise is a promise! When you made it you where fully aware of that! It's only acceptable if something other than you makes it physically impossible to keep. Like for example you promised your grandmother you'd visit her, but a big rainstorm make it impossible for you to get to her. You should however try and make amends afterward. Other wise the people who you made promises to and did not keep will not trust your word.
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- Makes sense. Thank you for your answer. :)
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on February 10th, 2008
- You are welcome!
  
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  by Angel of Music on February 16th, 2008
- :)
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on February 16th, 2008
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by Slim746 on April 8th, 2008
Circumstances beyond your control.
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by Jizzel on January 16th, 2008
Its never okay to break a promise... Why the hell would you make it in the first place then! If you cant commit to what you say then keep quite and dont say anything at all if you know you cant go through with it!
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- Thanks for your answer although I do find it a bit judgmental. It's all good, though. Different opinions for everyone makes the world a more interesting place. : )
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on January 18th, 2008
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by buxtonite ..slowly losing my mind on December 7th, 2007
never!...if you can not keep a promise then don't make one ...that way you will never have to break one :)
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- Good advice. It would have been better if I considered it before I asked this question on here. Thank you. :]
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on January 27th, 2008
- thats no problem !!!
  
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  by buxtonite ..slowly losing my mind on January 27th, 2008
- :]
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on January 27th, 2008
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by Fairywebmother on May 16th, 2008
If you don't make them, you never have to break them. My commitments always come with disclaimers. Life is what it is and there are no guarantees. My word, however IS my bond...that's why I'm so careful not to nail any doors shut.
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by always-forever on May 5th, 2008
a promise not made is a promise not broken...
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- ??? for you ... if it was never made is it still a promise? I am pondering that now as well!
  
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  by pitt fans on May 7th, 2008
- no, though a word should be trusted i believe
  
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  by always-forever on May 7th, 2008
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by Beautiful on April 8th, 2008
when its between life or death
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by Valarie robbing the Deaf on March 1st, 2008
When you didn't make one.
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- Thank you for your answer.
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on March 5th, 2008
- yep.
  
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  by Valarie robbing the Deaf on March 6th, 2008
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by chibi_raindrops on March 1st, 2008
for the safety of the one you care
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by Oddjob on February 10th, 2008
Word of honor, should not make a promise unless you intend to keep it and also it wont hurt anyone. I personally dont say "I promise" unless I actually am going to keep it.
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by TravelBug on February 10th, 2008
when it goes against your moral and values
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by kanth18 on February 10th, 2008
before the promise breaks you
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by angel on February 10th, 2008
when it is impossible to fullfill it at the time and something unforseen comes up. People that keep promises normally, are usually forgiven I think
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- Thank you for your answer.
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on March 5th, 2008
- Your Welcome!
  
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  by angel on March 5th, 2008
- :)
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on March 5th, 2008
- You know, I try not to promise things. I usually tell my kids or anyone, that I will try, and to see how things go. Then I truly will try and I will never forget. The promise thing, can get you in trouble if people are sensitive etc, even if there is no way out .
  
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  by angel on March 5th, 2008
- Good point and good advice.
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on March 5th, 2008
- :) thanks!
  
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  by angel on March 5th, 2008
- You're welcome.
  
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by duuhhh on February 9th, 2008
When nobody cares.
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by miRi hates social norms and regulations on February 9th, 2008
ex. A and C are best friends in their freshman year of HS. C is starting to act a little slutty around a few boys, and A notices a big change in her. A finds out that C lost her virginity. Doesn't say anything. about a month later C's sleeping with another boy. A tells her parents. C ends up getting home schooled for a semester and doesn't talk to A the entire time even through summer. C got tested for STD's and pregnancy. she was lucky. it took A 8 months to get to talk to C again, but C's mom thanked A for keeping her baby safe.

[true story between two girls i know. had i known about C i wouldn't have been able to do what A did, and i stand behind A 100%]
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by MysteryGirl on February 9th, 2008
when its more important than the promise you made
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by -O-uknow on February 3rd, 2008
Not if it is in the form of a signed contract.
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by Alloysius on February 3rd, 2008
Sorry, but to me a promise is a promise.

I don't think it is ever okay to break a promise, if this promise hurts someone else, you shouldn't have accepted the responsibility to take it, and its burdens when you said "I promise" or something along those lines.
Comments
- Thanks for your answer.
  Well,let's just say you have a boyfriend or girlfriend and someone kills him or her.
  Now let's just say someone said to a person, "Can you keep a secret?" and the other person said, "Sure."
  Now let's just say the person says that this person cannot tell anyone he or she is the one that killed your boyfriend or girlfriend.
  This person that knows this is the only person that knows about the killing other than the murderer himself or herself and you are pretty upset.
  Would you still say it is never okay to break a promise?
  Would you rather someone else who isn't guilty be punished for murder?
  
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  by AnonymousGirl on February 3rd, 2008
- Hmmm, that is a hard one.
  
  I'am really not sure. I think given the emotions I would be feeling at that time, I would break a promise.
  
  Thanks, you changed my perspective on life. :)
  
  After all we think to learn, and learning is about changing your mind.
  
  So given those circumstances, yes it is ok to break a promise.
  
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  by Alloysius on February 3rd, 2008
- You're welcome. :)
  
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by Anonymous on January 29th, 2008
I quote from Hondo in S.W.A.T ~ "Sometimes, doing the right thing ain't doing the right thing."

Cheers.
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by Me2 on January 29th, 2008
No, but sometimes it can't be helped. I try not making promises I know I can't or wont keep.
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by SABOTEUR on January 27th, 2008
Never.

However, one should never MAKE promises.

Your intentions may be sincere, but you have no control over circumstances which may convince you to change your mind.
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by SABOTEUR on January 27th, 2008
Never.

However, one should never MAKE promises.

Your intentions may be sincere, but you have no control over circumstances which may convince you to change your mind.
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by simple_me on January 27th, 2008
If breaking that promise will results to something good to that person.
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by Vannie prays for babycakes . on January 27th, 2008
When you feel it is not worth keeping one and could harm someone.
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  by AnonymousGirl on January 27th, 2008
- You're Welcome !
  
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  by Vannie prays for babycakes . on January 27th, 2008
- :]
  
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by superd97 on January 11th, 2008
When you know in your heart that you can't keep it when you know it damages someoone feelings or crtitical decision.
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by xxbamf on December 28th, 2007
I agree with sara in life or death situations
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by qwerty123 on December 10th, 2007
its never okay to break a promise
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by Anonymous on December 10th, 2007
When it is for the good of the person or another person.
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by Esteban-- Smart ass Pumpkin on December 6th, 2007
when it is convient.
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by SoulFire on November 16th, 2009
When the other person breaks it first.
Like marriage, If you promise to love, honor and cherish but your partner abuses you then the promise is void.
Or if it can hurt someone by keeping it. And we are talking really hurt.
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by pouncey on November 16th, 2009
When that person you promise with turns to be an ass.
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by Lucky67 on November 13th, 2009
When they dishonest, untrust worthy or cheat on you.
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by Vaporeongirl on October 30th, 2009
When it is putting you in danger or when the person the promise was made to begins to use it to control you.
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by just_slightly on October 29th, 2009
once youv changed the door locks to your house, stocked up on food and reloaded your gun. then and only then will you be safe from the wrath f an angry girlfriend/wife and a broken promise
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