ANSWERS: 43
  • yes i have witnessed this many times.
  • Yes it is certainly possible. For example, I am jealouse of my daughter because to me, my wife seems to love her more than me. My wife spends all day with her (stay at home mom with a business ran from home, and even sleeps with her. If I try to correct some behaviour in our daughter, my wife is often very quick to jump to her defense.
  • Yes. A mother often sees her daughter as an extension of herself. This can be a positive thing, in that a mother can want good things for her daughter and hope that the daughter does things the mother never had the opportunity to do. However, the flip side of this is that the daughter can exceed expectations and make the mother see her own life as inadequate, spurring feelings of jealousy or resentment.
  • Very much so. My step daughter's biolodgical mother, calls her fat and ugly when in fact she's beautiful and no where near overweight. Whenever she has a glimmer of self confidence her mother is always there to tear it down. I don't know why she does that to her own daughter. Maybe it's because she lives with me and her father. But it's my job to build her back up.
  • Probably, maybe she sees that her daughter is doing better than she was when she was her age or maybe she is jealous over her relationship
  • MY MOTHER HAS BEEN JEEALOUS OF MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY DAD SINCE I CAN REMEMBER. IT SEEMS AS THOUGH IT'S ALWAYS A COMPETITION FOR HER. I'VE ALWAYS BEEN SUBMISSIVE TO HER AND NEVER DISRESPECTED HER. I AM NOW 42 AND SHE HAS TOTAL CONTROL OVER THE RELATIONSHIP. SHE LIES TO HIM ABOUT THINGS I SUPPOSEDLY SAID ABOUT HIM. IT DOESN'T DO ANY GOOD TO TALK TO HIM BECAUSE I THINK HE BELIEVES HER. ANWAY, HE HAS TO LIVE WITH HER ALSO, SO I DON'T WANT TO MAKE IT HARDER FOR HIM. SO I JUST DON'T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM ANYMORE. IT BREAKS MY HEART.
  • Absolutely. Mine was. It's unfortunate, but some people are just mean. My mother is just a mean person. We are not on speaking terms. It started when I was a child. My single mother got pregnant with me at 24 and wanted to put me up for adoption. My grandparents volunteered to take care of me and she agreed. But she got jealous of how much they loved me and the bond that existed between us.
  • it's tragic i guess but yes. sometimes the daughter has so many opportunities the mother never had, that the mother dearly wanted. stil that doesn't make the daughter wrong for anything nor does it make her better. likewise though the mother is wrong it doesn't necessarily make her a bad person.
  • yes it is possible but is so stupid. Because a daughter is part of you a mother should be proud of her daughter not jealous of her I have a daughter and I know when she gets oldder she will look better then me but I have had my young time it will be her time to shine.
  • It happens alot more than we would like to admit. I thought you might find this interesting. More on dealing with a jealous mother Readers weigh in on Dr. Gail Saltz's advice about a resentful parent After my column on a mother’s jealousy of her daughter, many readers wrote to say that people shouldn’t have to hide their success from their mother. I agree. Unfortunately, however, some people do have to deal with mothers who act with anger and malice, so my suggestions were addressed to them. Many readers wrote with another good suggestion — to point out to your mother her role in your success. Story continues below ↓advertisement If a parent’s behavior remains truly toxic, however, it is not unreasonable to have less to do with each other. Here’s a note from the original letter writer: I appreciate your addressing this topic. This is well-founded advice. I have done exactly what you recommend, to the point of being able to talk only about the weather, but this only elicits a stepping up of my mother’s onslaught of verbal attacks. This has been going on for years. I have decided to cut off all contact with her as a form of damage control. I have simply had enough. As a mother, I have to protect my own children. Hard as this decision has been, it comes with a sense of relief. Here are some other letters I received: I am in the same situation. I feel guilty for succeeding in life because my mother is never happy for me. She stressed education for so long, and now that it has paid off (good job, nice home, etc.), she is envious. When she would say “great job” to me, it seemed forced, like she didn't really mean it. I have learned to stick to neutral topics when talking to my mother. I now know I'm not alone! -------- It may help to give her mother some credit. Maybe if the question asker expressed gratitude toward her mother for raising her to be successful, the mother would get some satisfaction from that. -------- Instead of hiding and downplaying her successes around her mother, perhaps it would be better for her to say things like, “Mom, thanks for telling me to go after what I want because I spoke with my boss about a raise today and got one!” That way, her mother can share the success and feel how much of a positive influence she is, instead of feeling like her daughter is rubbing those achievements in her face. Perhaps her mother will begin to see that part of why her daughter is so successful is because of how well she was raised. -------- Thanks for your advice. I feel my mother is jealous of my accomplishments. I am a gainfully-employed single parent of two. My mother tries to put me down by praising my siblings in front of me. When I was in school, she commented that I was not going to amount to more than a housewife. My mother always helped my sister and even put her through college. She turned out to be the housewife. There is nothing wrong with being a housewife but I think it ticks my mother off that her “prophecy” about me did not come true. I have learned to keep my conversations with her short so they will not turn negative. I am surrounded by people who are happy for me when I accomplish things. -------- In certain circumstances, where the resentment is so overbearing and has continued for an extended time without resolve, this advice is useless. The child has been so negatively impacted by the relationship that they feel it is not worth the pain of trying to continue. What then? This scenario is the relationship my girlfriend has with her mother. It has caused her a lot of emotional distress, and after many failed attempts, she has taken the position of no relationship, waiting for her mother to come around. I know this makes her very sad, but since she has essentially given up on any meaningful relationship with her mother, she has quit biting her fingernails, she is less depressed, and our relationship is better. -------- Your answer is biased. You're presuming she is contributing to her mother's pain in some way. Her mother made her own choices and the daughter shouldn't feel responsible for them. She can't change her mother or make her happy, so I say enjoy your success and surround yourself with people who are happy for you, not those who make you feel bad about yourself. -------- Thank you for this article. I recently felt this way about my own mother, and I worried that the natural reactions and stress I felt to what I perceived as envy made me feel like an egomaniac. I feel like my mother is always comparing mundane chores of hers to my accomplishments. For example, she will compare going through documents to give to an accountant to my own work toward receiving a master’s degree, saying that going through the documents is more difficult than getting the degree and that I can't possibly understand what she is going through. This is stressful to me because I have worked long hours at an internship and studied hard during exams. Also, I feel that whenever I practice music, my mother will interrupt me and then deny she is doing so. If I practice piano, which I am proficient at, she will go in another room and blast a stereo at full volume. -------- I have been living with this for over 15 years. I miss sharing successes with my mom, but this has been impossible for many years. I have often wondered if I took the right approach to deal with the situation. I am happy to hear it is not my fault.
  • I really feel for you. I have never got along with my mother, I'm 29 now and don't know if it's jealousy or what, my friends seem to think it is but I don't know...it really has made life awful and stressful and has pretty much destroyed my relationship with my father who I was very close to on numerous occasions for periods of time, which we have tried to rebuild, but every day she will do something on the sly to try and sabotage it...I feel like I am going mad sometimes. I cry about it everyday, not her just the damage it has done to what could have been a happy life and how she goes out of her way to try and make me unhappy...calling me names, ridiculing me, bullying etc. I don't know why she has always hated me so much from ever since I can remember...she adores my brothers. I would like to cut her out completely but unfortunately due to health issues I am stuck. The stress is unbelievable and so I feel stuck in a vicious circle. What I would like to ask other ppl, I'm not sure it is always jealousy - my mother is very intelligent, healthy, good job, well travelled, financially secure etc. I, on the other hand, did not finish my degree, have bad epilepsy, other health problems, am not working at present & am stuck back living at home at 29, sometimes have nowhere to live due to fights at home, and in debt......i.e there is absolutely nothing to be jealous of!!!!! I can assure you I have done nothing with my life that I wanted to. If anyone could shed some light on this mystery I would greatly appreciate it
  • I couldnt imagine ever beign jealous of my two children, I just want the very best for them in every way in life, I strive to try and help them achieve that, and when they achieve success, no matter what, I just feel immense pride and pleasure, to me, it would be the saddest and most soul destroying thing to feel jealous of your own child.
  • Happens all the time on the soaps! ;-) Yes... I don't see why not.
  • sure, look at pageant moms .. living vicariously through their daughters and such
  • Of course.
  • I can't imagine it personally. But my first husbands ex was very jealous of her daughter's . I thought I had to be insane to even be seeing it, until he told me a few bazaar things. So i say yes, and gladly I will never know what this feels like. I think that is too sick
  • Sure. Youth and beauty are often envied.
  • The answer is yes. I just proposed to my girlfriend, now my fiance. Part of my plan involved setting up a portion of the mother's apt where my girlfriend lives. So I planned everything and had some help from some of my girlfriend's family members including her grandparents. The plan required the family members to be sleep or at least fake like they were sleeping when we came to the apt so that i could ask her near the set up area. When i walked in, her mom, who knew about my plan and where I was going to propose, deliberately slept next to setup of flowers and candles, snoring instead of sleeping in her bed. She forced me to propose outside during December. What a selfish, childish lady.
  • wow i was going to ask this same question! but yes i have been torturing myself cuz these ideas have been plaguing me! But I feel deep in my heart, yes. Its sad and depressing but bottom line is, in my own experience with my mother, yes.
  • No, I do not think it is possible for a mother to be jealous of her own daughter. It could only be remotely possible if the mother is of "unsound" mind. I am sorry if I sounded too harsh.
  • some might
  • Yes, there are many who are and it's very heartbreaking and horrible for any child to have to deal with.
  • All types of jealousy are possible even though they are surprising.
  • Of course. If you've gone straight from child to dowdy housewife, straight from beleiving in fairy stories to being overlooked; had it hard, been broke, never had money or clothes for things you would have cried to do, and then through your hard work you provide all these things for your beautiful child, whom you love, then the contrast hits home and its not so much jealousy of your child as mourning your own lost childhood. You see what you've provided for your baby angel and its impossible not to remember the pain you went through, wishing all those things for yourself and never having them. The kid only picks up on that 'jealousy' if they take the good things for granted, because the parent will be frustrated (and perhaps heartbroken) that the child doesn't realise how lucky they are and how precious are the gifts they have. If the contrast is really severe and the parent is really tired from years of being a blob, then I guess they could get pretty depressed and self-involved and not notice how they were making the child feel guilty.
  • Yes sadly--usually over the freedom they've lost.
  • yes it is
  • well, yes, it is possible.
  • Yes, and I've seen it
  • yes though it was in a fiction novel.
  • Certainly. Many parents give lip service to their desire for their children to succeed, but then these same supportive parents suffer from jealousy when the children surpass their own achievements. They are not able to set their own emotions aside and realize that their job as a parent is to help their kids become socially well-adjusted, accomplished young adults. A mature mother will rejoice in her daughter's success. Of course, since parents are only human, not all of them control their emotions well.
  • It's true!! My mother hates me without reason for more than 38 years- she's 72 years and I 38 years and she always asking for money from me,helping for anything,cry on me if she has a problems with her 3 sons (my brothers).She said I'm ugly,pale,skinny and stupid than her,acctually I have a great job,happy family with 2 sons and tall and honesty not ugly as she's said.My mom never stop hurting my feeling but never stop asking me for money.For more than 38 years I'm looking for answer what is wrong with my mom,the answer is she sick,she's jealous of me,and from now on I've try to forget her and I keep do my best for my self,my sons and my husband.
  • It's true!! My mother hates me without reason for more than 38 years- she's 72 years and I 38 years and she always asking for money from me,helping for anything,cry on me if she has a problems with her 3 sons (my brothers).She said I'm ugly,pale,skinny and stupid than her,acctually I have a great job,happy family with 2 sons and tall and honesty not ugly as she's said.My mom never stop hurting my feeling but never stop asking me for money.For more than 38 years I'm looking for answer what is wrong with my mom,the answer is she sick,she's jealous of me,and from now on I've try to forget her and I keep do my best for my self,my sons and my husband.
  • I am sure it is possible. But it would have to be classified as some sort of neurosis or weird disorder. I grant it happens, but that is pretty weird.
  • My Mother has been jealous of me as far back as I can remember- 4 years old and earlier. I have never felt loved or accepted by her. I think she must be nuts. I am married and have a wonderful husband and son (7 yr old). Sometimes I see the void he feels in that he has no Grandparents. At Grandparents Day and some different holidays. I hurt for him and it makes me even more angry with her. Then I remind myself that he is so lucky ot have 2 parents that love him so much. Allot of kids don't have that. I didn't. Sometimes, like tonight I awake and sit around wishing I had a Mother. Eventually, I will go back to bed resigning myself to the fact that although I do not have one - my son does. And this is progress. I'm making thing different within the realm that I can control (my self). I'll be awake another night with this same sa dwish for a Mom. My son will not.
  • not my mum!! :)
  • Its just as possible as me doing a front flip. Its hard to happen, but oh yes it can happen.
  • Yes, YEs, YES!!! I am 51 and my mother has been dead for 13 years. My mother was a stay at home mother, but she never did much besides make quick meals, smoke cigarettes and watch TV all day. She never helped me (or my siblings) with homework and was not academically minded at all. She never went to even one school program. Not one! She never took any of us to the park or to a museum, EVER. She didn't take us shopping - that was my wonderful paternal Grandmother, whom mom hated (behind her back, of course). She would get me in a group of people and make fun of me. She would say nasty things, thinking she was being funny. When I would challenge her, she'd call me more names and then mock me. She did this to my Dad, too. He would never argue back. She made him feel terrible. It reached a point where he would leave for 3 or 4 days at a time to escape her. No wonder. When she died, my three sisters, who take after her by the way, told me all of the horrible things our mother said about me. Such as, "She only spends money on people and buys gifts for them so they'll like her." Funny thing was, my mother always accepted the gifts I gave her and ate the dinners I bought for her in restaurants! I asked my sisters if it ever occured to them that when she was running me down to them, she'd turn arround and run them down to me! (Calling one a fat a$$ and another a weirdo, so on....) I didn't have the heart to tell them all what she said about them. I was the nice sister and it's hard even today to change. Well, after 25 years in a miserable marriage (being married to a man who acted like my mother!) I am now happily married to a truly fabulous man, who loves me. For the first time, I know what love really is. I have no contact with my family and feel nothing will ever change with them. After a life time of heartache, they simply are not worth it.
  • In rare cases A mother jealous of her daughter when see feels her husband loves daughter more than her or when she has a step daughter. https://goo.gl/HEvNai
  • It's possible, but it's very rare where I live.
  • When she is not fulfilled in her own life.
  • The most important thing is for a daughter to have a positive influence in her life that she has needed so desperately. Someone who understands her and relates to her life and struggles. Someone willing to really care about her. With caution however, knowing when and how to draw the line.
  • 2 Tim 3:1-5 explains that "For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, haughty, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, disloyal, 3

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