How should one handle hurtful office rumors?

Rumors are always tough to deal with, but you should try to find the source. Have a one-on-one conversation with someone that knows about the rumors but whom you don't think is the source. Ask them where they think it is coming from and why. Once you know that, you can confront the source. Perhaps they are just a gossip that misunderstood something. In which case, maybe you can calmly let them know that what they said was untrue and it hurt. If they are truly malicious, then you need to talk to their work superior. If they won't handle it, go up the line till someone does. In the meantime, though, work to solidify friendships in the office and be more social. The more people know you and have a good opinion of you, the less chance there are for rumors to take root.

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Hmmm, I could swear this had been a different question when I answered it to begin with.
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Apparently, some questions do get combined by Answerbag with the previous answers being assigned to the one chosen question. I just wish they would mark that somehow.

To anyone who wants to rate me--if you don't understand the words, you're not qualified to rate.....on the other hand maybe if I write it all out....

Gossip always will happen in social settings. Unless you work in an office environment where nonone is allowed to talk or allowed to speak in anything other than work related issues.

Alot of people who would post responses here would say that to directly confront the person spreading the rumor about you. This is good advice generally, but in alot of instances, may only egg or spur the person on to make more hurtful statements about you. Again, most people would say you should go to your boss about the gossip, but that brings up the issue of looking like a weak person or a whiny person in front of you boss. So in many ways, the direct approach is a catch 22.

I'd like to know what the hurtful comments are. I mean if someone says that you wore white shoes after labor day, or your purse and dress were mismatched, while you might get a bit upset at your fashion thingy, its not that big of a deal, but if someone talks about your: Illness, race, religion, sexual orientation, sex, gender, weight, age, appearance, family, work, then you have some issues that can be dealt with


Gossip is always to be expected, and some people will always feel the need to say hurtful things about you. However, there is a concept in law called TORT--A TORT is a wrong--a civil wrong, that involves something other than breaking a contract which has a remedy in the courts. No all gossip is a violation of the law, but hurtful or untrue gossip can skirt the edge of the law, and could move into at least two different realms

1) Libel/Slander: Essentially this is a defamation of a person's character that ocurs through false statements that hurt someone's standing, or reputation among their peers. Even if what is being said is true, truth is not a defense when the reason for spreading the rumour,or truth is intended to cause you harm. In law, this is called "malice". The US Supreme Court issued a ruling stating this in 1964 in the NY Times V. Sullivan case. 10 years later, they made another ruling that essentially says that if a person says "In my opinion" they cannot be held strictly liable for defamation/libel/slander.

The bottom line is that most states consider statements with the intention to cause you pain/suffering, defamatory.

I'm not saying that you should take someone to court, but #1 sets the stage for #2 below.

2) Hostile work environment: We like to through this statement around, but even if you couldn't win by taking someone to court over a hurtful statement they made about you, laws that have been passed in recent year---that is ammendments to Title VII ( The Civil Rights Act) and other legislation restrict and hold liable companies who do nothing when employees are subjected to a "hostile" work environment. Why? Because all employers are required to meet the provisions of the civil rights act, as well as other employment laws. If someone is making very hurtful comments to you, then in fact, its hard for you to do your job,and under the civil rights act, you are being discriminated against by this individual. Therefore your employer is under the obligation to protect all employees from harms in the workplace. A hostile work environment is a harmful place, therefore if the employer allows the situation to continue, then the employer is theoritically liable under the law---

So your best bet is, if the rumours are that hurtful, go to your supervisor and say "hostile work environment", and harrassment is preventing you from doing your job and makes it hard to work. Tell them the rumor, and ask for their immediate help. If that doesn't work, then think about it....if going to the person who's saying these things won't work and your boss won't help you, do you really think its right to give up your job--a job you worked for and got and have to go to each day, so someone else can walk all over you? Maybe the person spreading the rumour should be the person to leave.


We often think the 1st Ammendment gives us free reign to speak out minds, but, the 1st Ammendment deals with interactions between citizens and the government. When you're working for someone/organization, you are involved in a private contract with that individual/organization and the 1st Ammendment right does not apply when that employment contract is enforce.

Once again I don't know what people will rate me, nor do I care because essentially these are the only options available a person under our system in the USA:

1) go to the person and talk to them
2) go to your boss and talk to them
3) stay and fight it through HRM procedures and/or litigation
4) Leave

I have dealt with situations where an elderly white woman who was quiet and religious was harrassed for 2 years by her co-workers. As much as we fight on AB, I highly doubt either of those sides that fought in the rating wars shortly before I joined AB would even consider doing some of the things that were done to this woman. In my situation, leaving wasn't an option for this woman. We fought it and after 1.5 years won. Won big...


I hope your situation isn't as drastic.....