Unless she's motivated, there's nothing you can do. I would tell her that no matter what I would always love her. Then I would tell her it would kill me to lose her (if there are children involved, point out that they need their mother), and that if she would lose weight, it would help her to live longer. Then I would let her know that I would support her and do the program (regardless of which program she chose) along with her.

Babycakes Deux has a very good answer. To this I would add that for many heavy people, their weight is a matter of control. As in several other eating disorders, this may be the only area of life that they feel they are able to have control. The harder you push, the harder they will exert the only control they have and maintain or add weight. If you want her to lose weight, stop involving yourself in it. As Babycakes said, assure her that she is safe in your love and that her weight is not an issue in anything involving you. If she feels safe to feel loved and accepted, she will be able to concentrate on other things, like her physical health. But one slip from you will not escape her. If you ever say, "if you weren't so heavy...." she will go right back into the protection of her weight. I know it doesn't make sense to you. It is like childbirth. It looks like a simple act with simple ways of dealing with it, but once a woman is involved in it she understands that it isn't what she expected, and each birth is different. Being overweight is kind of like that. You can't understand it unless you have experienced it. Don't judge it. It isn't as simple or simple-minded as you may think.

I do love her, the problem for me is I just don't like her very much. Everything I say she twists it around and tells me I'm just trying to get her to lose weight for my own benefit. I've "poisoned" the well such that anything I say she only sees an ulterior motive. We've been married almost 25 years, we have three nearly grown children and a (planned) 3 year old. There is no romance, no affection, and we mostly just tolerate one another. I can't give up, but it seems like she already has.

It might be time to give her benchmarks to change.People grow in different ways and sometimes one of the ways is apart.It is not mentally beneficial to stay in a relationship that is going nowhere.It sounds like she is acting like a victim and will continue to do so as long as you allow her to do.In order for things to change it looks like you are the one to proceed.

Is there perhaps an underlying problem which she hasnt told you about. Maybe she feels threatened because you are losing weight, maybe she feels you will leave her. All you can do is reassure her, try to make life fun, go swimming and take your 3 year old, but go at a quiet time when the pool isnt too busy, do excercise at home with your wife and child so everyone is included. I dont know if any of this will help but all i can say is reassure her of your love for her. Has she seen the doctor??

In these days of stick-thin women getting all the media attention and people dieting to the point of becoming anorexic we are all getting brainwashed. I have no scientific proof for this but I am 100% convinced that the prime cause of people being overweight is genetic. I know people that hardly eat enough to keep a sparrow alive who are overweight and I know people who could win a gold medal for eating if it was an Olympic sport, yet are slim. The most important part of a person is that part of them that makes them a person - their personality. It took me a long time to come to these conclusions but I am convinced I'm right. I've been in the situation you're in and I can assure you that if you keep going on about weight this will become the defining issue of your relationship. You married a person, not a body, and the person you married is still the same. I appreciate the health implications of obesity, but I think you need to appreciate the relationship implications of nagging.

Try to find someting that she might enjoy doing that you could do together. When you are 100 lbs overweight it can be embarassing to go work out in a public place like the Y, especially when you have security issues and feel like people are judging you. As for her undermining your efforts, it could be that it upsets her to see you succeed where she feels like she fails. Even if it is just going for a walk around the neighborhood or to the mall where you dont notice how far you actually walk, find something that she can do then give her praise for it. You might just find that she will shift from reacting from her low self esteem to being driven and encouraged by compliments and feeling good about herself.

For some people the only remedy is surgery like the stomach band.

have u talked 2 her n d same tone ur talking here? i'd say be straight 4ward but sensitive to it...usually w that much weight gain, there's something deep n negative going on...was she this way wen u married her? i can understand ur frustration if she wasn't and gained the weight during the time u've been married...my guess is some type of depression is going on with her and if one doesn't feel good on the inside, theres no motivation to look good on the outside, but the most important thing, as u said, is the health!! express to her u want her with you for a long time!...she may be aware of whats bothering her or she may be in denial..u 2 got a lotta talking to do...what a nice guy u are...hope this helps

You can't help people who doesn't want to be helped. Being 100 lbs overweight is unhealthy, but it's her health and ultimately her decision--you can't control it. The only thing you can do is accept her as the way she is, or leave her if it is not acceptable to you.

I've got to say, from the perspective of being one who used to be pretty over weight, I didn't lose weight, or even try, until I finally stepped on the scales & the numbers shocked me into action. You need to make your wife realize the state she's in, & the concequences of her actions. It doesn't need to be joining a gym to get in shape either. I went on a low carb diet(no set meal plan, just less than 20 or 30 carbs a day), & I do pushups, situp, & pullups every day. I've lost 70+ pounds, & still going strong, I have more energy than ever, & I feel awesome about myself. Hope this gives you some ideas, or at least some motivation.

Help is for those who want it AND are able to accept it. Take care of you and leave teh door open for her to follow, but realize that things may go down not up. Good luck.

It sounds like she's not ready. Giving her support is good, but trying to force her into it isn't going to work. I suggest if you want to get in shape, do so, and try not to let her undermine you. Find something healthy in everything, and if she doesn't like it, it's time to have a talk. Good luck!

She can only be motivated by her own desire to lose weight. Nothing you do, no amount of weight you lose, no exercise, etc will MAKE her want to do this. If she does it for you, she will likely be resentful of being pressured to do this. Let her make her own decisions about her body. If she has health issues, you may want to talk to her doctor, but with all the new HIPPA regulations, he/she may not be able to discuss anything with you pertaining to your wife without her permission. Good luck! I know the uphill battle you are facing!