The chances are she's trying to maintain her independence. Undoubtedly there are probably things she needs a little help with, and so she wants to do the things she *can* do by herself, even if it takes a longer time than it would if she has assistance or it's a lot more difficult. It's also uncomfortable accepting help from strangers sometimes, and if I was her I think I wouldn't want to be helped out of pity.

Maybe cause she has to do it herself all the time and she is use to doing it.

I work with people who have all types of disabilities. I've learned that for many people with disabilities, the big fear is loss of independence. I've met some people who are particularly fierce about maintaining their independence, and perhaps the lady you describe is one of those people. She may not realize that you would likely offer similar assistance to a person who was carrying a heavy load alone or trying to navigate a difficult angle while carrying a small child and a bag of groceries. What she sees is that if she starts giving in and accepting kindly offered help, she may grow dependent upon it.

I think you are over thinking it. She didn't need your help, obviously because she still go into her car without your help.

most people donot want to admitt they need help...its a pride issue...

Maybe a bit of pride, but lets face it, who wants total stranges pushing them and pulling them about trying to get them into a car ?

my boyfriend is disabled and he is the same way. he would rather fall out of his chair(literally) than have me help him. thats just how he is. he needs to feel self worth for doing things around the house and other things to make him feel more independant. And i completely understand him so i just let him be when it comes to those kind of things. And he doesnt want people to pity him either. And its nothing against people who want to help he would just rather do it on his own. So im sure the lady that didnt want help was feeling the same way. But at least you offered to help and thats all you could do.

I think that if I were disabled, but were previously very independent it might be hard to transition. Also, they're already in a wheelchair, they don't want to feel completely useless. At least, this is how I (might) feel if I were in her position. It's very nice of you to offer to help her Rosie. :) Another reason you're so great!

She wanted to prove to herself that she doesn't need help and that she can live a normal life.

Because some day she will not even be able to do that. Even if it took her 30 minutes she would have struggled and probably even counted her blessings that she was able to do it.

Because she worked her but off to get strong enough to do it herself. She may have stuggled, but she did it. I see patients in PT all the time that their main goal is to not have to depend on other people to get around.

When people feel they are helping others, it encourages two things: 1) Feelings of happiness, a sense of ego stroked, for doing a kind deed. 2) The will to do it again, to help someone in need. Regardless, if I could do it or not, if someone offered I would allow them to help, if not for the reasons listed above....

because she wants to show she can do it on her own. even if she can't. it makes her feel like an outsider being asked do you need help? just cause she is in a wheelchair...even though u were trying to help

I know this is an old topic but seeing how all the answers are speculation from able-bodied people. I am a 23 year-old who's been a quadriplegic for 8 years, previous to my injury I was an athlete and very independent. I drive, transfer into and out of, and load and unload my chair from my truck independently. I refuse when someone offers me help with it, with a "Thank you anyway". I refuse because if someone helps with this then I must walk them through each step in the process and in the end it would have been easier and quicker to do it myself. The reason is simply that if my chair is loaded incorrectly then it causes difficulty when unloading the chair later. As for those of you who think it's pride, well yes and no. First no, I don't feel I need to prove myself to people walking through the parking lot, but I have self-pride and every success is a success whether it's making a 4.0 this semester or getting in and out of my truck. One other reason is as one person said I simply don't "need" the help. If I do in fact feel I would do better to accept the help, because I'm dehydrated or in pain, I will accept. Her struggling could be that the car was a new setup for her. When I moved from my car to my truck transfer I struggled until I figured out a good technique for me and then gained the strength to do it well. in this case if I accepted help from all who offered then this process would have taken much longer. If a friend or family member is riding with me I will let them assist me, I'm not totally stubborn, but this is when they know how it's done and we're in a hurry. Also don't think of offering assistance as giving a gift, because it's not the same. You are simply giving someone a choice, so don't take it so personally when they choose to decline. I noticed one answer in particular that didn't sit well with me. Penny The Wise, your comment "Also, they're already in a wheelchair, they don't want to feel completely useless." this implies that someone in a wheelchair is pretty useless. Obviously this is quite deprecating and one of the major things wrong with society's view of people who are different. I won't go into this more as I don't believe that Penny meant this to offend, but please do think about what you type before you hit submit.

pride

She wanted to feel self-sufficent. Just because she's in a wheelchair doesn't mean she felt she DESERVES or even needs special treatment. She wants to feel normal, not have every stranger tripping over themselves to help her. I have a good friend in a wheel chair and he is VERY stubborn and refuses help unless he knows he absolutly needs it. He wants to do it himself.

I am very independent, and would probably do that just to make sure that I can do it alone

most likley because she thinks she is handicapable not hanicaped

Because she didn't want your help. Not everything is always complex.

she knows it would be easier for you to help her - physically speaking. but there's a loss in independence that she's not willing to give up for as long as she is at least capable of doing the task. it was i'm sure appreciated, but since she could, she'd prefer to do it

pride. duh.

I try anways but many want their independence and feel insulted but don't let that stop you! I help whenever I see anyone who is struggling. So many appreciate you. It makes me feel good!

Independent . She could manage on her own and made her feel good about herself.

As several writers have suggested, unless she is newly disabled, she probably is accustomed to being independent and prefers to do things herself. In addition, my experience is that most people don't know how to efficiently and safely collapse and handle my chair. I have had smart, adept people badly hurt their fingers while collapsing or opening my chair. I have also had people break or bend parts, and one person got the tassels from her scarf caught in the velcro under my seat pad so that it has never suck securely since. I don't really like people mess with my street chair unless they have done it often.

old people are like that. They want to think they can do everything by themselves and they need no help. My grandparents are the same way.

Many people with disabilities are like that because they don't want special treatment. They think that you are only offering to help out of pity and they would rather struggle on their own than lose their sense of pride by asking for help.

i was selling items at a flea market i go to twice a year and have the same elderly neighbor all the time one day he fell and he didn't want me and my buddy to help him up because we are both very strong men and he was afraid we might accidentally hurt him in the process by rushing him thus doing more harm then good even though it took him a long time to get up he was fine and now i'm not offended when people say they can manage on their own

she is proud. She wanted to do it herself, not to reject your kindness, but only to reaffirm her own self worth. Do not be offended by this. She has struggles of her owm, try to understand.

Most people like to do for themselves what they can. I'm feeling the same way right now with all my friends giving up their time to sit with me. Nonetheless, it was still kind to offer.

She has too much pride and is very strong willed. I would feel bad myself but not take offense.

Pride and not wanting to loose her independence.

She probably wants to be as independant as possible, she did'nt say no to your kindness to be mean she just wants to prove she can do it herself

Pride. and Independence. Good gesture nonetheless : )

I understand how this can be sorta hurtful to you.I've tried this before,and got the same reation.I think that there is more pride in people with disabilities to assist themselves than able boddied people.It's not just being seen as different,but they want to feel like an adult human,who can take care of themselves,I guess.I would probably get annoyed too,if I was always assisted,but It's good to ask,and it's nice to want to help.If only we can see life through each other's eyes always...*+++++*

people dont want to feel like a burden. maybe thats not the right word, but people with disabilities are sometimes embarassed by them, and dont want others to think that they are incapable of taking care of themselves....

A mix of pride and stubborness Id say

Her pride and no one wants to be a burden on anyone else...

doesn't want to acknowledge that she needs help, she's stubborn.

Because she wants to feel independent. She also may worry about car jackers taking advantage of her situation. Its like if I asked a totally healthy person if they would like help into their car, they would most likely refuse. She considers herself a whole person and may feel like less of a person if she were to accept help. Not that she would be.

I use a scooter with a lift in the back of my van, then walk, holding onto the luggage rack, to the driver or passenger side, whichever. My wife is usually unloading groceries into the back seat while I load the scooter. It usually takes us about the same amount of time. Even so, I've only had someone ask if I needed help (I don't) once, and I smiled, and said, "No thanks, I have it." (I don't believe my wife was with me, and it wasn't getting groceries.) Now, when someone ASKS if I need help (opening doors, something fell to the floor, etc.), I usually say the same thing. But, if someone just DOES it, it's just the "Thanks". I don't believe they are taking "pity" on the guy who is "so big" he can't walk far. And, if I thought they were, I'd show them that my shoes are different lengths (obviously amputations), and my knee won't bend more than 90 degrees. But that just doesn't happen. If you asked if she needed help, it may have meant to her that you thought she couldn't. She may have gotten everything loaded in, and said to HERSELF, "Now, why didn't they help?", not realizing the type of help you were offering. If it's a new situation for her, she's trying to be independent. Maybe family may think she should go into a nursing home/rehab center, thinking she can't do things without help. Maybe she's seen the pity in the eyes of strangers too much. There's a LOT of pride in being able to do things yourself. But there's also a lot of stubbornness in there, too. It's kinda in the way you OFFER, for me. If you ask if I need help, it implies you think I do. If you simply say, "Here, let me help you" and do, for some reason, for me, that's more acceptable. I may tell you the reasons I can't walk that far, or at least a bit about it. I don't REFUSE help, except in handling my lift, because the scooter fits pretty tight in there. If I were unloading groceries, though, I can only reach so far into the van. THAT'S where I could us the help. The only other thing might be that she may have had someone "help" her before, and damaged her car/van, or caused her more "pain" (physical) than if she did it herself. Either way, she should have said, "Thank you" for your asking. Instead, it sounded rude, when she might have been grateful someone noticed. Then again, maybe she'd rather be invisible, and no one treat her any differently, except maybe at doors. Does that make sense?

maybe a past negative experience with people helping her

pride and independence nothing makes you feel like a worthless burden like someone having to help you into your car

Because some people have a lot of pride and want to feel independant in spite of their physical disability.

Becuase she didn't want the Charity and feel "less than".