ANSWERS: 2
  • Help him make it feel good for you and then tell him you faked it. 😄
    • officegirl
      Thank you for your comment but that would be dishonest. I do think things could be OK between us but I just don't like him much. And when we are all together he talks about my "Os" and just doesn't seem to get it that I have never had them with him. Which seems so incredibly thick of him as well as presumptuous like he is bragging about them.
  • There are two answers here, and I don't know which one is better. The first is, who cares if he is satisfied or not? Hate to be mercenary but if the whole point is raw animal sex with no emotional connection, then use him for whatever sexual pleasure you can get - and when he does not deliver, drop him. Which leads to my second answer - he and his wife are not a matched set. There is no reason why your husband cannot enjoy her while you go looking for another guy. (In fact, I thought you WERE seeing someone else.) The only reason I hesitate to suggest that second part is that if you stop seeing him, she might stop seeing your husband. That would be punishing your husband and I can see why you might not want to risk it. Still, I would talk with your husband and see what he says. If he is open to letting you pursue other guys - risk to his own relationship and all - then I say go for it. Frankly, I trust your judgment and if you think the guy is boring - he probably is and then some. So get what sexual satisfaction you can from him and then move on. Life is too short and there is no sense in wasting your time on a guy who can't even make you orgasm. Sorry, maybe not my best answer, but I hope it helps.
    • officegirl
      Thank you Dorat. This really happened a few years ago and I think indicates a fallacy within couples activity. Ideally should be good for all but when my husband likes and wants to be with someone I feel I should try to make it work with her husband which sometimes does take a little doing. You understand the situation exactly. I want my husband to be able to enjoy others the way he allows me to but not always completely possible. They are still neighbors and I liked her but never really warmed up to him. In part because he seemed actually so self-satisfied. Oh he enjoyed me which I thought was good but it was like his enjoyment was the whole thing and I didn't really exist except as for him to enjoy. I got no "satisfaction" with him during our swaps and really was glad when she decided to stop seeing my husband. A couple of years later I had a three with both of them which went pretty well as I was always a little attracted to her but she never seemed interested in girl/girl activity though she would sometimes fake it for clients (she was a mature escort and the one who initially got me interested in that). We are not close now but when we first moved there we did hang out together and I would sometimes take care of their kids. (new paragraph) Thinking over all our swaps all except for one or two were initially and primarily for my husband's benefit. Some worked out all right for me but as I wrote took some adjustments and work. The current one - I started for my husband's benefit as I felt guilty he did not at the time have anyone and I knew he would like her which he did. I did not care for her husband though I did not have contempt for him - we just did not suit one another and we stopped seeing each other after a short time though took up again later when I was needy and worked to make it OK.
    • dorat
      You wrote, "This really happened a few years ago and I think indicates a fallacy within couples activity. Ideally should be good for all but when my husband likes and wants to be with someone I feel I should try to make it work with her husband..." I think you handled the situation as well as anyone could. You started with the guy out of a feeling of "ought" for your husband's sake. It didn't work, but you went back with the guy for your own needs. Sort of my point. You went for whatever pleasure the sex could get you. Ultimately, you treated the other guy as being there for your needs. Your starting point was not for your benefit - but for your husband's needs. That is about the most that I think anyone could ask of you. Right now I am getting into a sexual relationship with a friend of my gfd's because, strange as it may sound - and I admit it sounds strange - my gf is worried about her friend who is going through a brutal divorce. (I'll spare you the details of all of this.) My situation is not like your in the sense that this gal is actually a real sweetheart. However, I am at a point in my life where I generally only need my gf and I am more interested in being with her and being a good partner and father. Right now, monogamy would be just fine. For what it is worth, I am enjoying the sex - and by the way, I am not talking threesome here, but simply sex with another woman. She even makes me feel good and knows how to satisfy me, though that is pretty clearly not why I am having sex with her, but it is not something I need or necessarily want. Certainly, between two women, I cannot complain about not getting enough sex. My point, though, is that sometimes you get what you can from a sexual relationship for better motives. In this case it sounds like you did. No reason to feel bad about that and make the best of it. As I say, I think you have done as much as can be reasonably asked - and honestly, I think your husband is lucky that you are willing to go so far to make sure that he is happy.
    • officegirl
      As noble and supportive as you and your gf are trying to be I would be careful. No matter how bad her divorce was or is I think she is capable of attracting her own men and does not really require your assistance. And her enjoyment of you is or could likely become more than just accepting sympathy because our pleasure draws us closer and sets off a wealth of chemicals and pheromones within us that bind us even sometimes to the worst charlatans. And you will become an expected part of her life and she will expect to be an expected part of yours. So - I am all for affairs BUT - if we (she) don't know when and how to put the brakes on our (her) feelings potentially all hell can break loose. So I would be very careful. Because in spite of the fact you are 'taken" and "committed" to your gf she might start experiencing it a lot differently.
    • dorat
      Believe me, we have given that a lot of thought. Yes, you are right about the risk, but this gal is hurting deeply. (I don't believe that it is appropriate for me to discuss the particulars of someone else's divorce - at least not without asking first - but her soon to be ex was verbally, though we don't believe physically, abusive.) Yes, she could probably find men on her own, but at the moment, with the divorce ongoing, she is desperately vulnerable and scared and the thing about me - at least my gf thinks - is that I am safe. In any case, my gf is staying very much in touch with her friend and - I hope this does not sound too sinister - is sort of monitoring where her friend's head is at. (Also, we have sort of been there, done that. You may recall the gay relationship I got into. We pulled the plug - gently - when we began to think he was getting too attached. It's not quite the same thing - but it bears a certain similarity.) For my part, I won't lie. Holding this vulnerable girl in my arms and having sex with her is pushing all of my protective buttons. However, I then come home to my three little munchkins and the woman who gave them to me and I am forcefully reminded of how lucky I am. I've got too much to lose to let this get out of hand. That all said, your point is well taken and it will stay constantly in the back of my mind.
    • officegirl
      Please understand when I was younger I would always use sex to distract me from the hurt I was feeling. But that is just it - it just distracts or covers over and does not heal that hurt which must be dealt with by her more directly. So please don't use her vulnerability to justify your enjoyment of her. And please understand that your gf is likely getting more out of this then merely the high-minded helping of a friend in need. By which I mean the power of messing with and arranging people's lives. Sorry if that sounds harsh but thinking of feelings I think there is a lot of risk element there. If she becomes closer to the point where you two decide to "pull the plug" gently or not could mean a whole other level of hurt for her.
    • dorat
      A couple of things. First, not sure I would start by questioning people's motives. That assumes a very great deal that you cannot know. Your general warning is prudent and I agree with it. To take it as far as you have is presumption. (Not even sure. Do you know how this all came together?) Second, more specifically, you seem to be assuming that we don't care about this person other than what we can get out of her. That certainly does not say much for what you think of us. Oh well. We have to tread as best we see it. Certainly if you had seen and heard what we have, you might have come to a different conclusion.
    • officegirl
      No, just a warning because I was surprised you took the course of action you did. Which seemed sort of exploitation the way I interpreted it. No of course I don't know the personalities involved but I was trying to put myself in her place. Which perhaps I cannot do simply because I have never been in exactly that situation. I certainly would not have shared my husband or a boyfriend with someone because she was "needy". Haha I am more likely to look for someone for my husband because I don't want the guilt of extra-marital play to fall just on me! What he gets going on his own is their business for whatever reasons, and he is often slow in doing anything simply because there are more important things to him. Dorat you have admitted that you like sexually "dominate" and that is all too easy with someone who is hurting and looking for love. So - does she have the experience to be able to put the brakes on her emotions when it becomes appropriate to do so? Otherwise she could end up in love with you - which does happen you know. Well I was saying what it seemed like to me in my limited experience. That mat have become very common in these days where I don't understand a lot about what younger people seem to do. Sorry to offend.
    • dorat
      Very quickly. First, when I say sexually dominate, I do not mean it in the way you seem to be suggesting here. Indeed, in this case, I got into this in part because I felt a need to be protective. I mean dominant in the sense that I am the male, the protector, etc. As I said before, she presses my protective buttons. Honestly, I think my gf made an impulsive gesture and I did not feel comfortable saying "no" to someone who was hurting that much. I think, as I said, that you have raised a very valid concern and both my gf and I are trying to be sensitive to it. My gf is staying in close touch with her friend and is trying to make sure that she understands the nature of the relationship. For my part, I am trying to be understanding and compassionate while at the same time making it clear that she is a friend - and one who I feel deep sympathy for - but that it cannot go beyond that. In any event, do not be concerned, I was not offended. I simply wanted to point out that there were factors here that you could not be aware of. As I said, though, your general point is VERY well taken.

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