ANSWERS: 6
  • Generally, it "seems" that fathers are more strict with their sons. My husband believes our son needs to be out of the house by 20 years or so. The girls can stay as long as they want. As a Mother, That's a not. They all need to be out and in school by 18 LOL
    • dorat
      Well, compared to your husband, I'm a cream puff. Of course, I say that while my boys are not yet teenagers. Maybe THAT will change my perspective. Thanks.
  • An excellent AB question! In thinking how to answer once again I cite my age because in the 1950s and 60s parents were much more strict with sons as well as daughters. As were communities as a whole where certain standards were expected and encouraged and supported. Boys were supposed to be industrious and enterprising and learn how to deal with people - in order to become successful in life. While we were supposed to look good and be supportive and "inspiring" and not mess up our lives and dishonor our families by getting pregnant before we were married. Some fathers still our strict with daughters as far as what I have learned on AB. But perhaps many just feel they can in no way understand or relate to daughters so they leave them to their mothers for upbringing. My husband had two daughters, no sons in his first marriage and clearly most of the hands-on disciplining was left to his ex. He was more involved in creating the right kind of home environment for them. And even now grown and successful he is still uncomfortable with personal details of their lives. His parents were strict in terms of what was expected of him but not strict in terms of punishments and discipline. As was the general milieu in which he grew up. You were expected to make it in life and be successful in order to achieve respect. Which was pretty much what was expected of my brothers in the community in which we grew up although it was more noveau riches. Out parents were too preoccupied and eventually drug and alcohol- dependent to discipline us but we knew from the community exactly what they expected of us. My father was very lenient with me - it was like because I was his "little girl" I could do no wrong - and even when I messed up my life with drugs and leaving home he was concerned of course but more smiled wanly and half-approvingly. He had no idea how to act with me except showing me things and lavishing experiences and presents on me. When I needed more structure and specific incremental things I could grasp to feel good about myself. Now it seems to me people don't expect as much from their kids and they are more supportive of whatever they do whether or not it conforms to their moral or community standards.
    • dorat
      Lots there. In terms of my gf and I, we are pretty old fashioned overall. (Some of the behavior I have seen allowed by parents sets me straight off.) However, on the specific point, my gf says that our daughter has me wrapped around her finger. Probably - though I don't see it. She is my little princess - I won't lie - and my gf says I am begging for trouble down the road because she will learn that daddy is a pushover and when she is a teenager there will be problems. Frankly, I think any difference I may show in raising my daughter as against my sons has more to do with their age difference. The boys are 7 and 6, but my daughter is only 4. Overall, though, at least compared to what I see around me, I am fairly strict. Anyhow, thanks for your answer
  • My father was strict with both me and my sister. He only seemed harsher towards me because I was the more mischievous of the two. It was nothing to do with gender.
    • dorat
      It had nothing to do with your case, or do you think in general that dads - and I am one myself - maybe go a bit easier on their daughters? I am speaking here not so much of every case, as general tendencies here and am just looking for people's impressions.
  • I am the youngest of four sisters and our father was very strict with us. We don't have any brothers to compare with us, but I would hardly say fathers tend to be less strict with their daughters.
  • My father was very strict with me, but I'm an only child so I have no brothers to compare with.
    • dorat
      Thanks to both commentators above. In the case of the young lady and her sisters, its really hard to see what to make of that. Had you had a brother, perhaps your dad would have been tougher still on him. What my gf was NOT saying was that I was not strict. What she WAS saying was that I was not AS strict. As to the lady who was an only child - I can only imagine. My gf says that I am overprotective. (Probably true, if I am to be honest about it.) That, however, is spread out, so to speak over two little boys and one little girl. If I only had one child, heaven only knows what I would be like.
  • I know my dad was definitely a push over for me and my sister. My brother was expected to be a man early on lol. I think it's because it's easy to fall into the stereotype that woman need to be protected and men most be tough to protect them. Now I think things are a bit more even. My daughters are definitely daddy's girls but my hubby holds them more accountable then I ever was.
    • dorat
      Thanks. That's sort of my view, too. It's not that I go easier on my daughter. It is partly her age - she's only 4. I do hold her accountable, at least I think I do - but it is different with a 4 year old as against a 6 and a 7 year old. Frankly. I think I am a pushover in some ways with all my kids. My gf tells me that she is embarrassed every time we go out to dinner as a family because I sit at the table and make "funny faces" to the kids which sends them into fits of laughter. (She says to me just once she would like to have a family dinner out where she looks like she has three kids instead of four.) By the same token, if they act up, I am not above taking them out of the restaurant, and I don't even rule out spankings, though I use those pretty infrequently. Thanks for your input. It is nice to be able to look at a comparable situation. By the by, how old were you compared to your brother?

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