ANSWERS: 4
  • In terms of human evolutionary development, in sexual terms men tend to be dominant and females submissive. (I'll spare everyone the scientific biological explanation.) Now, of course, we are more than mere instinctive animals and human sexuality has evolved into something much more complex - not to say complicated. Yet, the basic impulse remains there at the most base level. Yet, many women strongly object to this portrayal. So, ladies, does that sense of submitting sexually to a man make you feel good? If so, why and what do you feel? If not, why not and what do you feel?
    • officegirl
      If you stopped trying to think in terms of "human evolutionary development" and "scientific biological" explanations or trying to assign relative values to things I think you would have a better time. You have set up your question so that whatever answer we give we lose.. In other words we are not allowed to just be ourselves.
    • dorat
      If I stop thinking about it, the facts do not change. Actually, I have a great time. There is something incredibly liberating and sexy about getting to the level of our most basic instincts. (A view shared by my gf, and if I read her right, by Ladyemma as well, by the way.) Not always - and at an irreducible level, they are always present - but sometimes that elemental feeling is incredible. At any rate, the point of my question was not to "set things up," but rather to get a sense of what each side feels about it and why, The question seems to incense you at some level, but you missed the point. You say whatever answer you give, you lose. However, that is oddly defensive. Since I don't know you, and since I don't plan on having sex with you, I really don't care what your answer is one way or the other. What I am curious about is what you feel and why you feel whatever way you feel. That is a really interesting question - except when you go into a defensive crouch over it. No need to do so, I promise. It is possible, after all, to be intellectually curious on the one hand and remain emotionally attached to the experience on the other.
    • officegirl
      I don't agree with your "facts" because they don't accord with my experience. Which is the experience of many others which I have learned on AB and from friends. I do become defensive when you demean my sexuality by trying to impose male systems and understandings upon me that dehumanizes me and invalidates my experience. The reason I write about what I do and how I feel besides simply expressing myself is to help others understand how we really are and so they will know they are not alone in their feelings. Taking what I write and forcing it to conform to some pre-existing, biased, and judgmental system invalidates me as well as my experience. I am a human and not a statistic to be classified and dismissed. You don't only do this to me but with others as well. I guess because you can't bear to think of us as individuals with lives of our own. I am truly interested in your experience and thankful you are willing to discuss it and unafraid to do so. But why must you try to justify it and everything else you hear about by offensive and sexist theories that grimly classify and devalue us as individuals? Can't you just appreciate us as we are without trotting out systems that we are supposed to conform to? And attempting to analyze what we feel and how we express ourselves according to those systems? I do not "submit", nor do I "dominate" - so please get that kind of thinking out of your head. I respond - which is what I am created to do. And which implies no lesser or second class status. The same with giving myself. Both are just as active an engagement as being stimulated and being taken. Goodness does your gf go for all the analyzing you do of her behavior? Why can't you just accept us and enjoy us as we are without trying to impose other and foreign structures upon us. Are we somehow not enough as we are?
    • dorat
      Your experience is subjective, the data is collective and measured across time. It does not demean to explain and contextualize. Your experience is viewed through the prism of your subjective perceptions. (Besides, as you yourself said, AB is hardly a scientifically valid random sample.) You tend to assume that an explanation demeans. It does not. Your emotions are clouding your analysis. Indeed, even your tone here suggests more a gut reaction than any recurrence to statistical analysis. There is no such things as "male systems." That's like saying that there are eight planets in the solar system is a "male definition." Nope, it is a commonly accepted analysis across the scientific community. If your female experience tells you there are ten planets or two, the data does not change just because a woman is looking at it instead of a man. Finally, the point of this site is discussion. That is to say, it is not JUST about appreciation, but also analysis and explanation. I don't view this site as having any limitation on which I do - at least until the site monitor tells me otherwise. Besides, as I noted, neither Ladyemma - if I read her right - nor my gf - who I talk with about such things - finds that one contradicts the other. It is possible to analyze as well as appreciate. As to "sexist" theories. Oh good grief. Let's not trot out cliches and shibboleths, shall we? These studies, which are rooted in Darwin's theory of evolution and the branch study of evolutionary psychology, are the basis of almost all of our current understanding of human behavior and development. They are not sexist - although I am willing to hear an alternative explanatory theory if you have one. That said, I have been in politics for 20 years, and we are now at the point where terms like "sexist" have almost no meaning. In the 70s, it meant you were discriminated against in hiring. Now, if I read you right, it means that you don't feel sufficiently appreciated. Good grief. At the very least, I can't help what you feel. You are a lovely lady, but you have a bad habit of assuming that your subjectivity is more important than data. Which, although I like to avoid politics when I am on this site - I do it every day and I have other interests - is the problem with our politics at the moment. Too much "feeling," far too little actual "thought." To the main point, though, the bottom line is that one can analyze and appreciate. They are NOT mutually exclusive.
    • dorat
      One other thought - just to put an exclamation mark on things, so to speak. You asked why can't I just appreciate. You also said, you were created to respond. To take the second point first, response is neutral. If you respond negatively, that's one thing. Positively, another. So to say that you "respond because that is what you were crated to do" is leaving a huge hole in the intellectual/emotional doughtnut. Again, you may not like it, but in evolutionary terms, you were created to respond in a certain way. Not really the point, though. The REAL point is that the response is not antithetical to appreciation, but complementary to it. (Here I will get a bit graphic.) Even when I am having the most animalistic sex with my gf - and when she is responsive and submits - there is more than that simple dichotomy at work. We are MORE than our instincts, When I feel my penis inside her and she is on all fours and I am bending over her and thrusting in her, you know what goes through my head? Physical pleasure. Also a sense that she is mine and that no other man can have her. Also, a sense that she is giving her body to me - that she might even become impregnated by me which is an incredible act of - submission, yes - but also of sacrifice and love. (It is in no way demeaned that part of that is also an instinct on her part. In fact, it is deeper because of it. After all, as you say, she was created in part for it.) Then I feel a deep love because this is a woman who is giving up something to please me and for me and to share an almost elemental intimacy with me. It is an emotional bond of incredible depth that we feel toward each other. Then all I want to do is love her. My naked body is leaning over her and it is not just animal pleasure that I feel, I also feel this need to protect her and care for her and please her the way she is pleasing me. She is all I want and all I need in the world. Then when I cum and we are laying their naked and exhausted, and I am cuddling her and gently falling asleep, I am happy and contented and feeling satisfied - not just physically, but in the sense that I have, in a way, proved to her how much I love her. Now, I have laid the words out in sequence because there is no way with the written word to do otherwise. However, the truth is, all of those thoughts and feelings get jumbled together. The instinct is one part of it - no less real for that. You persist in measuring it through the prism of a competition, but it is, in truth, far more nuanced and complicated than that.
  • Both are fun. But I'm usually submissive.
    • dorat
      My gf is very much the same way, she has told me that she likes that sense of serving "my needs" and "doing as nature intended women to be." (Those are words she has used, not mine!) I confess that given how independent she is in the office and every other area of our domestic life - I wink at her and jokingly call her "she who must be obeyed..." She just rolls her eyes. I was surprised to find that she was so "traditional" about sex. She really does believe that when I want sex that that she should submit to me. Obviously that works for me. Of course, I love her and so I try to be aware of how she is feeling, but I am not sure I am always as sensitive as I should be. That said, it makes it quite a surprise when she is feeling more aggressive. As I told her one time - somewhat jokingly - "Hey, ya know, it's pretty cool when you're ripping off my underwear with your teeth."
    • ladyEmma
      "Ripping off underwear with your teeth." - Sounds hot. Especially if they're tighty whities. ;) I'm very traditional about sex as well and about my role as a wife. I was very independent as a single lady but my thoughts on sex are much different in a committed relationship, particularly with my husband. I think my husband was also surprised about how traditional I am about sex, given my more wild and care free past. But my attitude about sex is far different with him versus some stranger I got railed by when I was single.
    • dorat
      This is spooky. I am sure that you and my gf have been exchanging notes. Oh, and as to the underwear - absolutely tighty whities. Though, at this time of year, for warmth, I tend to the boxerbriefs - which she hates as much as I hate cold weather. Otherwise, she who must be obeyed has laid down the law - plus she does the shopping. Boxers are okay and briefs and sometimes bikini briefs for men are what she insists upon. However, if I want my underwear ripped off with her teeth - or just ripped off since dental bills for sex can be quite expensive - tighty whities are mandated. I may be the head of the house, but I know who makes the rules!! P.S. Just for fun, I think you and I should exchange notes on what your husband's underwear drawer looks like sometime. I have this creepy feeling that he and I have ended up with similar fashion choices. Cheers!
    • ladyEmma
      I do the shopping as well. I love buying my husband underwear when I'm out clothes shopping. I'll often come home and surprise him with a pack of thighty whities. As for his underwear drawer: He has several different brands of white briefs. My personal favorite are seeing him in Calvin Klein low rise white briefs. The classic style are a little more comfortable for him, but the low rise are so sexy. I like both though. He also has a variety of blue briefs, black briefs, red, and some striped ones. He has a separate drawer for athletic style under wear. He mostly wears Adidas box briefs. They're really short though which I like. They look really sexy on him. He also has some Reebok ones, but they're really long and I don't like the way they look. They don't even look like underwear, but more like athletic shorts. The Adidas ones are black, black with red trim, and red with black trim.
    • dorat
      You really do sound like my gf more and more. I'm beginning to think you were twins separated at birth. She will also surprise me with underwear gifts, leading me to claim to have the world's largest men's underwear collection. I also have the Calvin Klein tighty-whities. I also have other brands - Jockey (with a "y" front), and Hanes. I have different colors - red, blue, black, stripped. I have bikini briefs - also various colors, plus a pair that is white with little red hearts. (I save that for our extended out of town Valentine's day weekend.) I have - you'll love this - super hero underwear. (Superman, Batman, Spiderman, the Hulk, Green Lantern and the Flash. No. I am not making this up. She found them online - both boxers and briefs. They are adult underoos.) I have traditional boxers - various colors, plus another white pair with red hearts. (She likes white or light blue boxers best. Although all of this is, of course, is for her, second best to the tighty-whities.) The boxerbriefs I got only after complaining bitterly about being cold. She bought me white, red, black, and a few stripes, but told me she only bought them because she loves me and she told me not to get used to them. Duly warned, I keep them hidden in the back of the drawer underneath the white t-shirts. Two kinds, crew neck (fall, winter) and tank top (spring, summer and only as required if I am wearing a suit or something.) As you can tell, I could set up an underwear museum. I don't have really any sports underwear, though. Please don't give my gf any ideas - I am already running out of room in our dresser. Cheers! P.S. By the way, I don't know, maybe it is because you seem so much like my gf, but I have to say, ladyEmma, you sound like a lot of fun. A real pleasure chatting.
    • ladyEmma
      Why thank you! You and your girlfriend sound like fun too. My hubby has a lot of undershirts too. He has a few white pairs of Jockey also. And he has some Tommy Hilfiger and Ralph Lauren tighty whities. I have a lot of underwear as well. Actually, for both of us, our dressers are made up of just about nothing but undergarments. We have a couple of walk-in closets for our clothes and racks and shelves for everything. My dresser has all my bras and panties and I have two drawers just for all of my pantyhose, tights, and stockings.
    • dorat
      Thanks, very kind. By the way, this is getting spookier by the minute. We are pretty much organized the same way, though one of the drawers has room for my aftershave and some bottles of cologne that I have. We each have a walk-in closet, though her stuff has spilled over a little bit into mine. I suppose that there are only so many ways one can organize their clothes - but with all the other parallels between us, I'm beginning to think that telepathy is at work here. As far as my gfd's underwear, she has bras and panties plus a few "items" I found at Victoria Secret back in the day and got her as gifts - usually around Valentine's Day. (It just so happens that she moved in with me ten years ago around Valentine's Day. So we treat that as our anniversary. Depending on when it falls, we leave the kids with grandma and grandpa or with one of their aunts, and book a long weekend either at the Hotel Washington - we live in the burbs - or at a bed and breakfast on the Chesapeake. Then we do things like dressing up for dinner, dancing, maybe seeing a play at the Kennedy Center if we stay in the city - this year we are - and of course, lots of (ahem) grown-up stuff. If we go to the Bay at this time of year, it is a little lower key - but still lots of (ahem) grown-up stuff. We love being parents, but we still need to be bf/gf too. Still, when we talk at dinner, we invariably end up talking about the kids. We are the classic definition of doting parents) Anyhow, my gf has some very sexy underwear. She generally sleeps in pajamas, but if it gets really hot in the summer she will just sleep in her bra and panties - and then I see her and I don't get much sleep. Not kidding. Anyhow, thanks again. Oh, and I meant it. You and your hubby sound like great people. You would make great neighbors.
  • All depends on my mood and who I am with. I love being both, having the choice leads to some amazing situations. I love being taken by my hubby after he comes home from work, just like my one friend loves for me to maker her get on her knees and eat my pussy.
    • dorat
      Variety is the spice of life. Thanks for your answer. At the risk of overanalyzing, it is interesting that you enjoy being submissive to your husband, as a general rule, but dominant with your friend. At one point, because my gf enjoyed watching gay sex - it's a long story - I began having homosexual sex with a guy friend of my gfd's. (He met me at a party and told my gf he thought I was hot.) I tend to be dominant with my gf, but with him I tended to be submissive - which is sort of the mirror image of your situation. Anyhow, we called off the relationship years ago, but I found it a much more enjoyable experience than I ever expected and I became close friends with the guy until he moved out of the area.
    • Beach_Niki
      Well I can be dominate to my hubby or other guys as well. After putting our kids to bed I have been known to change into a lace thong, silk stockings and fuck me heels and demand my hubby takes off his pants, sits in a chair and not move while I ride his hard cock to a nice wet cum. We have a couple friend, the husband loves for his wife and I to tie he up, spank and then do a girl on girl show while he watches. After I make his wife cum, my hubby gets a chance and then we untie him and let him take out his frustration out on my pussy.
    • dorat
      Sorry that I didn't see this sooner. By the way, based on what you wrote here - but before I saw this - I posted a question on the topic. You inspired me, I guess. Anyhow, that is one of the things my gf likes to do - pushing me right to the edge and then backing off. She is really good and gets me to the point where I am almost whimpering and begging her to let me cum. As to your husband, lucky guy, my gf does not do that so much. She one time told me that it is fun to think that she is controlling me by sexually frustrating me - like you do with your friend's husband. Well, it works. Can't argue with that. Thanks, as always, for your honest answer.
  • Neither. Just me.

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