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by Ricky Fontaine on October 18th, 2005

Ricky Fontaine

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I'm a 16 year old male, when I'm in bed with my girlfriend I get aroused but when she is about to perform oral or I'm about to have intercourse I get soft again, what could be the problem?

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Answers. 4 helpful answers below.

  • by MP1116 on November 8th, 2005

    MP1116

    What you're having is a very common problem that most men don't want to admit to. We've all gone through it at one point, whether we want to admit that or not. But what you are experiencing seems like a pretty textbook case of stage fright.

    Since you say you're 16, i'm only going to assume that its your first time, or maybe she's your first partner. Lord knows i'm probably wrong, since most kids these days are having sex at 12 and 13. But I digress. You may be going soft for any number of reasons, and here are just a few:

    Prolonged erection - You may be getting very excited, and thus are keeping an erection for a long period of time. An erection is caused by blood rushing to the spongy tissue in the penis, allowing it to become hard. Overtime it diffuses. No matter how aroused you are, you can eventually lose the erection when that part of your body physically starts calming down. This may seem completely unrelated, but this is why there are 'fluffers' in the porn industry...if you don't know what a fluffer is, its basically the person off camera who keeps the person aroused between shots. Supposedly, its hard work.

    Confidence issues - even though you may or may not have any reason to feel inadequate, sometimes you may become embarassed to allow her to see your penis, or you may be thinking to yourself 'I hope I stay hard enough' or 'what if it doesn't feel good for her' or 'what if I do it wrong' or 'what if I go soft'. Its amazing how much power your mind has...you can be your own worst enemy, especially in situations like that.

    Psychological/physiological factors - maybe you're stressed...maybe you aren't getting enough sleep...maybe you have a bad diet...maybe you're just too anxious. ANYTHING can mentally reverse your arousal.

    Privacy - Can you two actually get away together? The constant fear of someone coming home in the middle of it or walking in on you or not having privacy has a TREMENDOUS impact on performance.

    The most important thing is for HER to understand that it isn't her fault that you are getting like this. I'll admit that i've gone through the same thing in my lifetime once. In my case, it was anxiety issues. For you it can be anything. Just relax and don't think so much about it. And to be honest, if you get soft while she's about to perform oral sex on you, then just let her do it anyway. You'll be up again in no time.

    Good luck, and don't stress over it too much. You'll find that you can be your own worst enemy in this case.

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  • by Gen.ButtNaked on February 24th, 2010

    Gen.ButtNaked

    Performance anxiety, you will get over it, with time!!! If you were 21 and had this problem, you should be concerned!!! What turns you on? if you need to squeeze the base of your penis to keep it hard, then do so, it will be hard enough for entry and once you get to stroking it should rise too the occasion!!!!!!!!! Keep a porno in the DVD or magazine close by for a little added stimulation!!!!

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  • by diane24 on January 2nd, 2010

    diane24

    Well I asked my husband.he says that you are just really nervous. And you should just relax and take deep breaths.good luck

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  • by midhart90 on December 16th, 2009

    midhart90

    I had that problem before with my now-ex... the trick is to get just hard enough to enter her. Once you feel the warmth of her vagina, you'll be rock hard in no time.

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