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by A on May 7th, 2012
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You're reading I'm young and engaged. I know my mother will not approve of my marriage because of my age. I want her to celebrate in the love I have found, but I also fear telling her will ruin our relationship. What do I do?
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Comments
I'm 19. But I've been living on my own, providing for myself while going to school (community college) since I was 16. I'm currently at a stage where I won't be in school again for another 1.5 years, and I'm using this "off" time to work on moving forward in my work. I work in the hospitality industry and I'm about to become a manager for guest services.
I make about three times as much as the majority of people my age, I'm a few semesters away from my degree, and I think I've had a lot more life experience than most people my age. My fiance is in relatively the same boat.
I know I am young, but I'm also very confident in the decisions I make for myself, because so far it's gotten me to a pretty good place.
by BooneLee on June 19th, 2007
Well, from what you've told me, you sound responsible and, 19 or not, more than capable of making your own decisions. In fact, it would seem that you provide for yourself, you have a job with promotion in the pipeline to a management position and are level headed enough to pursue your education until you attain your degree. You put food on your table and a roof over your head - you may be 19 but it seems to me that you are certainly no longer a child. At some point along the way, we all get to the stage when we want to do something that our parents will not like or approve of. If you were a child, this would be an issue - but you're not - you are a young woman who seems capable of making up her own mind with or without approval. In short, this means, this is your life and your decision and you must do what is RIGHT FOR YOU, not what is right for your Mother. If she disapproves, then quite honestly, she disapproves.
by Mushen on June 19th, 2007
I know this sounds harsh, but this is all part and parcel of being and adult. You must not live your life according to what others want even if those others are your parents. If she kicks up a fuss because she does not like your decision, then so be it. So you handle this like so: go to visit her on your own having pre-arranged it first (don't just drop in un-announced. Tell her quietly and calmly - no shouting, swearing or raised voices. Tell her 'this is what is going to happen and soften the blow by saying that you hope she can be pleased for you. Be prepared to answer her questions but do not feel you have to justify your decision. You are not asking for her blessing, you are simply telling her, politely, that you and your BF want to marry etc. It sounds really cold but the thing is, you do not need her approval - it would be nice to have it, but it's not a necessity. If she really goes bananas then that will be, what she does. No more, no less.
by Mushen on June 19th, 2007
Be kind when you tell her and this means showing respect for how she may feel. It does not mean that you must do as she wants to do. This is about you, not her. If she shouts and screams, you say something like: "I'm really sorry that you feel that way because it would mean a great deal to US if we could include you in any preparations - [wedding dress trying on etc]" Tell her you will contact her shortly and then, very calmly leave without slamming the door (as much as you want to). Hold your emotions in check until you are in the car and gone (then pull over and burst into tears - do not do it in front of her). Don't be emotionally blackmailed and if the relationship is damaged it is NOT your fault AT ALL. You have the right to expect her to respect YOUR decision with good grace. If she doesn't, then there's not much you can do about it. Live your life for you (and you sound like you're doing really really well to me. If you were my daughter, I think I would feel proud).
by Mushen on June 19th, 2007
this was seriously, very helpful. Thank you!
by BooneLee on June 26th, 2007