ANSWERS: 29
  • Oh no - you're not wrong to be angry. I'd be just as upset!
  • are you more upset that she used your toys? or masturbates? the easiest solution is to buy her her own, but that may or may not conflict with your moral convictions..
  • first off, i think its time to buy a locked trunk for your toys. maybe she just doesn't realize that they aren't for her and aren't to share. i would be angry at the hubby for sure tho. sounds like its time for a good family sit down and talk. if your hubby isn't going to participate in a useful way it might just need to be you and the girl.
  • I'd be upset and embarrassed. I'm surprised she wasn't embarrassed. Parents aren't supposed to be having sex as far as many kids choose to believe. LOL
  • you should not be angry that she masturbates. but definitely sit down and ask her to respect your privacy.
  • no you sld tell her politly that it is wrong and buy her new and good one and if she repeats warn her and again if she dis you have right to angry
  • I'd feel a little violated myself. Although teenagers are very curious about a lot of things especially sex, so I would suggest you lock up or hide your personals someplace better. I remember going through my mom's things when I was a kid. I was just very interested to learn what it was like to be an adult. Kids are trying to form their own sense of self at that age, and they start to do that by trying to find out what is normal. So you may want to give that some thought as to what you want them to believe is "normal".
  • I think it's fairly common for young teenagers to be curious AND snoopy. Enraged might be a bit extreme. Had you made your room and your things off limits? Were consequences in place? As it's your step-daughter, your husband should definately be involved in the solution and the consequences.
  • First off that's really kind of gross and unsanitary. It's normal that she'd be curious and wanting to experiment sexually at that age, but, she really should have her own toys and yours should be locked away where she nor anyone else can access them. I'd suggest you sit down with her and have a heart to heart talk and set things straight.
  • I would be upset to an extent but, (there is always a but) she is at the age of exploring. With your personal items is a little disgusting and does invade your privacy. You need to explain to her the REAL reason you are upset, be it what it may so that she understands you...this will help with a stronger relationship in the future as well...;)
  • I think you need to talk to your husband about why whis has iritated you, I would be annoyed too, she HAS violated your privacy, and your husband should not mnake light of this. Does she see you less of an authority figure in comparison to your husband? Because if she does this needs to be re-adressed too, but firstly if this is the case your husband needs to talk to her. Not necessarily in detail about the use of he toy, but just say to her that rifling through someone elses things like that is wrong. Fair nough she is very young, but this is the age when parents are supposed to teach there kids between right and wrong. In short no your not wrong to be angry
  • I think it was a very bad thing she did. I'd never treat it lightly. It was a huge invasion of your privacy with your husband. It's wrong. And I think it's wrong for a young girl to be even thinking about stimulating herself to be even more aroused than she should be. It's hard enough coping with all these feelings and maintaining some kind of control of yourself and your emotions without trying to heighten them in some way. She should be occupied with othere things and retaught the idea of caring and nurturing herself in a healthier, more age approriate manner. Sex isn't for children. I don't think this is healthy curiousity. And you shoukld put those things under lock and key since she can't be trusted.
  • :( I added a big comment but it didnt post :S I get the feeling her rifling through your stuff is a minor problem in comparison to the bigger picture. A valid problem none-the-less. The problem here is your husband is taking orders from a 13yr old. She has no right to tell him what she will and wont tolerate him saying, he is supposed to be incharge here not her. She doesnt get to make boundaries, your husband and you make the boundaries. She doesnt respect him when he scolds her? So what she'll respect him when he doesnt, because then he's not doing his job as a dad. As a parent you need to be there for your kids to love and praise them as much as trell them off when they do wrong. YOu should not have to dread going home, thats your home! Where does her biological mother fit into all this? The key here is your husband, you need to get him onside, by sitting down with him and being totally honest and trying to make him see and understand where you are coming from. He needs to start being more authoritive around her, she will learn to respect this, hopefully further downthe line she will start taking you into consideration as well and start looking up to you. But its your husbands attitude that needs to change. And theres nothing wrong about feeling this way, atleast your not being a puch over and thinking 'oh well, lets just go with the flow'.
  • Well, give her the "used toy" (might as well, now), and ground her til she learns to keep her nose, and other parts of her anatomy, in her OWN room. Maybe she will now that she has her own toys to play with.
  • I don't think you are going overboard. I actually think your husband should have a talk with your step daughter and explain a few things. Making light of it signals it is OK for her to do this at a young age. She may be just 13 but she is still young enough to be taught when this is appropriate. Now is the time to catch this and not make light of it.
  • I wouldnt like it that she went down my stuff nor that she used it as well!!!!!She should not use things like that,that does not belong to her for obvious hygiene reasons! I have a 13 year old daughter and she never goes down my stuff!They dont even come into my room without knocking first or asking to go in my room to get somethink.
  • Maybe u should confront ur husband about how u feel,what he's doing about and what u feel u should do. I also think u should talk to ur step daughter because maybe she needs these "toys" but is embarassed to talk about it. She might also be curious or worried.
  • don't be upset, i used to steal my folks "back massager" all the time. this was used, over my panties
  • I can see you have quite a situation going on there misstarrie. That is way out of bounds for anyone especially a 13 year old daughter. I'll e-mail you on what else I think.
  • If she were our own daughter you would still be upset but there would be a diffrent light on it. the best thing for her would be if you ignore the incident and hide your toys in a better place next time. Try to pretend that she is your own daughter. From the tone of your question it seems that there may be some unsolved issues on your part. Teenagers explore, discover, experiment. It's okay.
  • From reading your comments and such I think there is more issues than her invading your privacy. Her father is right not to mention this, It's mortifying for her. Do you remember at all what it's like to be that age? You can do some serious damage right now by making her feel like her exploration in a sexual identity is abnormal (kids have a way of making things seem as they are not). The damage has already been done. LOCK UP ANYTHING you do not want her to find. She will continue to explore you and her father regardless of what you say or do, let her. Get her a very small vibrating ring or something, give it to her discreetly and never mention it again. You are not her mother, her mom may be out of the picture, but that does not mean you are to take over, if you try she will resent you for years and do much worse than explore your belongings. Be her friend, her older friend who teaches her about boundaries (that she WILL break in order to know them better, it's her job as a teen). Take a deep breath, lock up your toys, your pot your journal, anything you don't want her to see or use and get past the whole thing, seriously.
  • You're not wrong to be angry at all. She invaded your privacy, which is wrong. I think perhaps your husband is a bit embarrassed by the situation, which is why he is avoiding having to deal with it.
  • age 13 and using a sexual toy! i would be worried.she must be doing other sexual activity,if she had just started "exploration"she would not be jumping straight into that kind of thing.tell your husband to have a serious chat but i think it may be up to you to tell her to buy her own! and stay away from boys for a few more years.its best for you to be a friend to her not a mum and she may need someone to talk to about that sort of thing,you dont know when she might need you.
  • You need to sit her down and talk to her! The fact that she looked at your toys isn't so bad as much as the fact she USED one. You need to explain to her that she shouldn't be doing that at her age, and that it's plain inapropriate.
  • Sounds like you're shocked. Teens are much more grown up sexually than they were even ten years ago. I'm curious as to what made you think she had used your toy as opposed to just finding it. I can understand your first reaction to this, but as a parent, you are dealing with your child, not a stranger who violated your personal privacy. Think of how you may have acted had this been your own flesh and blood. Would you have been more understanding? You sound like a parrot when you say "I told her it's normal". No, you didn't. You said that to her, but you didn't act that way. Your actions will steer her more than your words in this case. Go to her and apologize for not being more understanding. For the life of me, I cannot think of how a child could violate anything of a parent's. That's what you are there for, is to guide. When you apologize to her, be honest and tell her you are displacing your anger on her and that you are really mad at her father for not being your partner outside the bedroom. Unless you two are a united front, your daughter will continue to use tactics like this to pit your husband against you. Your husband may need to go to counseling with you so he can learn to grow a pair and back up his wife. You sound like a great parent. Now go get your husband off his ass.
  • Well, she's curious. You can't blame her, even though it's wrong. No, she should not be going though your things. But what would you do, knowing it's there, you're curious...? It's normal. You should talk to her and see what's up. And kids these days.. Are VERY more... aware of sexual things as of this.. It is normal.
  • hahaha,not to make a joke of this,but the same thing has happend here resently....i caught my 14 year old step sister masturbateing with the bed post(yeah,the bed post) i quickly shut the door and went in to my room and laughed(btw,i'm 18) alittle bit later she came in and i asked what she was doing,her reply was "well i'm scared to have sex and this feels good) quickly i tought to myself...hell i do the same thing, just with my hand.....So basicly don't worry,in a strang kinda way if she's getting the pleasure out of your "toys" then maybe she won't have to have a guy to "help her out"....after all rubber can't get her prego......=P
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  • I would be angry if anyone osed my toys, but disturbed beyond belief if it had been my daughter. Kids that age are so much more sexual than we were at the same age now. They know things we didn't. I would sit down and talk with her. try and have an open, honest discussion with her. She may have questions and may be misinformed about lots of things and you may end up forging a very close relationship with her. her hormones are raging right now and she is going to explore with or without your permission. get yourself a lockbox and put your things away where no one can get to them. Don't count on hubby to step in because he's probably embarassed as hell that his daughter knows he uses such items. This could be an opportunity for you and your step daughter to become closer. Turn the anger around and try putting yourself in her shoes. Sure, she was way out of line. WAY out of line. But she's young and ignorant about such matters. hadn't you rather her learn from someone dependable and smart and knowledgable, like yourself? Or her friends at school, who are probably doing the same thing or are already having unsafe, unprotected sex with the first boy they kiss? Good luck with whatever you decide to do. it is really a tough situation to be in. Sorry yout hubby isn't helping, but I'm not surprised.

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