How do you make a hankie dance? ... Put a little booogie in it

Why didnt the skeleton go to the party? Because he had no-body to go with.. hah get it? .. oh no youve got me started now!

Why not to take tablets into the jungle ? cos the parrots -eat- 'em -all !!

How do blondes turn the light on after sex? ...Open the car door. Being a blonde myself i think its ok to tell this one but if anyone takes offence i appologise, none intended

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? -Cause he didn't have the guts!

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? -Cause he didn't have the guts!

A mushroom walks in a bar. Bartender says "we don"t serve your kind. Mushroom says "why not? I'm a fun-guy.

What do call a cow with 2 legs? Beef tips.

What did the electrons & neutrons take because they had a stomach ache?- A-Tums

Why didn't they make two Yogi Bears? ~Because they made a Boo Boo! What did the girl volcano say to the boy one? ~I lava you. (Thank you Liam age 6)

What kind of donkey do you find underground? -Burrows

What do you call a sleepwalking horse? -A NightMare

Where do shepherds invest their money? -In Flocks & bonds

Where do shepherds invest their money? -In Flocks & bonds

Hi, Do you know the joke that Doctors talk about already ? I'll say it just in case you dont already know it. When someone talks about someone else being fat: You say Oh hes got Dunlops Disease. They ask Dunlaps Disease Whats that. His Belly done lopped over his thighs Hope that helps VisitororGuest@yahoo.com

A piece of rope walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, "Get out. We don't serve ropes in here." Rope goes outside and sits on the curb, sad. Somebody comes by and asks what the matter is and the rope tells him. Guy said, "Do this: tie yourself on one end and then fan out the fibers. It'll look like you have hair." Rope does this and goes back into the bar and orders a beer. Bartender: "Aren't you the same rope I threw out of here a little while ago?" Rope: No!! I'm afrayyyyyed knot."

Oh gosh- i know so many! I think I've forgotten most of them by now though ok here it goes: 1st person: What is 5q + 5q? 2nd person: 10q 1st person: your welcome Why do ducks have big feet? To stomp out forest fires. Why do elephants have big feet? To stomp out burning ducks. What is a magician's favorite candy bar? Twix. AHHHHHHH stop the insanity....

Here are a couple that may fulfill your requirements for a bad joke or two. Be careful what you wish for. A child was misbehaving by protesting loudly and rudely, waving boards with crazy slogans on, while guests were visiting. He was punished for having mad banners. There is evidence that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers, but unfortunately all the league records were destroyed in a fire. Thus we'll sadly never know for whom the Tells bowled. A couple went to a pet shop and ended up buying a lion (as you do). The shop owner had told them that unfortunately the lion had an odd allergy to wet weather and that raindrops would actually hurt it. One day the lion was outside when the couple heard cries form the garden. "What's that noise?" asked the man. "It's the lion", his wife replied, "it's roaring with pain." Two American Football teams are on a tour of Europe and have a quiz to see which team can name most places in Holland. The game was won by a single Dutch Town. He said he grown strong from all his dancing, but no-one believed him. It was obvious to all that he was bearing waltz fitness. http://www.badpuns.com/jokes.php?section=spooner&pos=1&numitems=5

Two gay guys walked into a gay bar, and had a good time.

Susie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him. "You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. "And you know what?" "What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself. "I think you're bad luck."

A woman is shopping in the local supermarket. She selects some milk, some eggs, a carton of juice, and a package of bacon. As she unloads her items at the cash register to pay, a man standing behind her in line watches her place the four items on the belt and states with assurance, "You must be single." The woman looks at the four items on the belt, and seeing nothing unusual about her selection says, "That's right. How on Earth did you know?" He replies, "Because you're ugly."

A box of matches walked into a bar. The barman, "You can stay as long as you don't try and start anything" A sandwich walked into a bar. The barman said "Sorry but we don't serve food here" A vulture is boarding a plane. The flight attendant, said "I'm sorry Sir, but you can't bring that carrion (carry on)"

I have a friend who's addicted to brake fluid. I told him to stop but he says it's OK, he can stop at any time.

what are a 2 banannas called? a pair of slippers. why did the orange go to the dr? he wasnt peeling well. why cant a nose be 12" long. cause then it would be a foot.

Two nude statues, one boy and one girl, form an archway over a path in the park. Their hands almost joining at the peak of the arch, always wanting to be together but never quite getting there. An angel comes down from heaven and brings them to life. The angel says "Ok you two. I've brought you to life for one hour. Go and do whatever you like." So the boy and girl go off into the woods together. Five minutes later, they come back laughing and giggling. The angel says "Hey guys! That was only five minutes. Go! Have fun! You have an entire hour!" So the boy turns to the girl and says "Ok, this time YOU hold the pigeon and I'LL poop on it's head."

A baby seal walks into a club.

Buy some xmas crackers!

What happened to the white horse that fell in the mud hole? It got dirty.

2 fish in a tank 1 says to the other "how long you been driving one of these?"

A teacher asked a young girl to use "handsome" in a sentence. The young girl replied "I like using my mouth but when my jaws get tired I use my hand some" :)

a brunette was watching the news and saw a story about how a man jumped off of a bridge. Later that night she went over to her friend's house. Her friend, a blonde, was watching the news. Before the commercials it showed a preview of a man standing on a bridge. "I'll bet you 20 bucks that he jumps off of the bridge," the brunette said. "There's no way he will. Sure I'll bet you," the blonde replied. After the commercials the story aired again about how the man jumped off the bridge. "Dang, well here's 20 bucks," the blonde handed the brunette a 20 dollar bill. "No its fine, i saw this earlier today and i knew he was gonna jump." said the brunette "Well i saw it earlier too!" theblonde said. "I just didn't think he'd jump off again!"

Like jokes can`t remember well but 3 religious guys nothing against anyone, just a joke....a preacher,a rabi and a priest go fishing.Their paddles float away. What now,they ask.One says we`ll have to wake across the water to shore.So the preacher gets out and walks across to shore.The rabi walks to shore.They look back at the priest and say come on.He gets out,sinks and drowns.They look at each other perplexed.Finaly one says I guess we should have told him where the rocks were.

A wife says to her husband while she is looking at herself in the mirror, "I'm fat, I'm ugly. Give me a compliment." Husband says, "You have great eye sight".

A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar, the bartender looks at them and says "I'll serve you, but you better not start anything." :D

What's blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.