Talk about it with supportive friends who won't blab to your parents. Or talk to a counselor, who is not allowed to blab. But do what you need to do to start feeling okay again. A miscarriage is not at all the same as an abortion - it's an accident, an act of god. There's nothing shameful about it; it's just very sad. I'm very sorry.

And one more thing. Your hormones are going through some readjustment right now too. If you don't "feel like yourself," talk to your doctor. You might need some hormone meds till you get balanced out again.

Dear one: How very unfortunate for you! The answers here on AnswerBag are indeed wise and warmly offered to assist you, hopefully, so you may take concrete steps to take better care of yourself. Personally, I wish to add: those of us with sensitive maturity understand and have empathy for you. You are experiencing not only a natural reaction to your miscarriage, but having to cope with the very real physical and emotional consequences of your loss, plus having the added stress ‘to comply’ with your parents wishes, may, indeed, prolong your recovery and healing. In this case, your situation is more than a ‘bug’ you have to deal with (as you stated), regardless of your parents viewpoint or stance, but one that needs timely steps and methods to aid your recovery! You did not state whether you are still living with your parents. Nor did you state what age you are. You did not share your real-time experience with health ‘as you know it.’ And more, you did not state whether the father of your child was in the picture supporting and protecting you. Regardless of these identifiers which might clarify (for us) what steps you may take to gain support and your return to health and well-being, I would like offer some suggestions. They follow here: The hormones that were ‘added’ because of your pregnancy are now in ‘remission,’ frankly meaning that your emotional and physical state is ‘recovering’ from this fact. Moreover, these influence your real-time physicality and perception of stress. Your very real female ‘situation’ needs very real care not only from you, yourself, but those that surround you. It is important now not only to have (or create) a safe and supportive physical atmosphere in which to heal, but it is imperative for your overall return to wellness. 1. It is essential you do have a physician that can guide you through this period of your life. This recommendation is not just for ‘getting hormonal help’ but equally addresses any previous or consequential problems that have occurred., i.e., why did you miscarry? This information is healthy to have as it may help advance your recovery intelligently, but may prevent this unfortunate tragedy from happening yet again! 2. • Is there a family member who does not view your miscarriage as an abortion? (I believe most here at AB, find this just plain outrageous -- though our logic and sense of it doesn’t necessarily aid you!) • Might you stay with this other family member for, say, three months, to not only emotionally and physically recover from your loss, but to create distance from your parents unproductive and added stressers to your ‘dilemma’? • If there is no family member who accepts and understands your real-time needs, is there an adult friend who may offer a place to stay and emotional aid to you? As mentioned, you really DO need a peace filled environment! 3. In terms of emotional assistance: • Indeed, the above family member, would be a much-need and lovely ‘shoulder’ to lean on: you will have many ups and downs, some of which ‘will appear’ as irrational (those hormones again!) • If you are able, I suggest you find a therapist who is experienced and familiar with miscarriages, one that can guide you through your loss and who may also help you learn how to deal with your disrespecting and illogical parents. (I am a strong believer in ‘Cognitive Behavioral Therapy’!) • Further, and equally important, so that you do not feel alone: If you are not able to afford a therapist, I suggest joining a support group either on-line, such as: http://www.bellaonline.com/subjects/6461.asp (The above came up when I did a search engine on ‘Miscarriage Support Groups) AND contact and go to a ‘Women's Free Clinic’ in your area. • While I believe some people may possibly receive guidance from one’s known religious figures, although an atheist myself, I think the ‘angle’ these would take may be similar to your parents. Of course, I may be incorrect in this view. This one is obviously very much up to you! • If I were in your shoes, I would ‘tell’ friends and family members about your circumstance, regardless of the consequence. In my view the only way to create movement in a dysfunctional family, is to concretely behave in a common sense manner, one that role models not only family ideals (as you determine these), but advances humane, empathic and cooperative treatment from all within ones life. I take the liberty of ‘answering’ for all of us at Answer Bag: we wish you only the best of health, well-being, a clear sense of individuality and the freedom from extraneous stress: each of us deserves this, and we support you in your personal quest!

There are a few questions this raises, and since there was limited space in the question, I'm assuming you are summing things up. Why are your parents viewing the miscarriage like an abortion? Are you a teen who had an unwanted pregnancy (unwanted either by your or by your parents) and your parents were silently glad that it is now terminated? Is this why they won't let you tell anyone... because people didn't know you were pregnant to begin with (maybe out of fear of ridicule for being a pregnant teen)? Too many things unknown to really begin to think critically about your parents. Either way, I agree with M Moon that miscarriages are very difficult to deal with emotionally and require treatment or regular visits to a doctor that is familiar with the miscarriage situation. Hopefully if your parents don't want you talking to people in general about it, you do need someone to talk about it with who can understand, thus the need for a counselor or a doctor. Ask them if you can talk to a councelor about it, and they can begin to find one that participates with their insurance and begin the process of getting you an appointment.

I am very sorry for your situation.No one understands the way you feel because they are not you and no one can say how you feel,but there are a lot of women this happends to and they dont talk about it or like to think about it and sometimes some women dont even know.My mom told me before I was born it happend when she used the bathroom and she didnt even know.I herd a lot of women say that that happend to them.And men tell me there moms that happend to or Aunt or someone.I think maybe sometimes when this happens they may be something wrong with the baby in development and if you have had this happend to you it is important to see a obgyn specialist before the next time when and if you want to try again.The are the best of the best and the dont compair to any regular doctors or obgyn.Your parents dont know better, they just dont want to see you sad and try to have friends that will be there for you.

My parents did the same thing when I was 16. They didn't want anyone to know that their daughter had been pregnant at such a young age. They are worrying about their social status more than your feelings and needs. I suggest talking to someone close to you that you can trust not to tell your parents they know, or talking to your parents themselves about it. What about the baby's father?

I'm very sorry for your lose. It's a very heartbreaking time for you. My eldest daughter had 3 miscarriages before she had my grandson. To put it in the honest form, who did this happen to? You! If they have a miscarriage and they don't want to talk about it, fine. This is you, if you need to talk, talk. Holding things in for them, will only cause other problems later. Just be you. Now I don't suggest you bring it up at a dinner party, I'm sure you have a few close friends you can talk to. If you're not trying to start a family and/or living on your own I highly suggest useing protection. I didn't say the pill i said protection, or both, but for sure protection!!!