I've had a look at some of the questions you've been asking, alien(inastrangeland). I think you are having big relationship problems. Whatever advice you might glean from here will not stop the fact that you need to get professional relationship counselling (or more likely your partner really needs this), and may even have to end your relationship. However, to answer your question most men do care 'who' they have sex/make love with. I am one who has strayed before. My first wife was putting herself about (flirting on my presence and, by all accounts, doing more when I wasn't about). I gave in to temptation and found myself with another woman. I didn't really enjoy the sex, but felt guilty and told my wife. She exploded, we had an arguement or 50, and the whole sordid thing came out. She still 'loved' me but no longer found me attractive. I find it comforting, though, that she admitted her sexually frustrations were not being fulfilled by her 'friends'. There was no emotion there. Needless to say, we divorced. After some time I met another lady who won my heart, and we are now together. Against this background I know that sexual satisfaction (as opposed to mere sexual release) requires emotional input from both partners. If your partner 'loves' you then they will not be truly satisfied elsewhere, be it with another woman or through masturbation, but may gain sexual release. If you want to fight to bring back some of that sexual spark then you should find a reputable sexual therapist, who can help give you ideas and techniques. Alternatively, if you've had enough, then be aware that he's as emotionally distraught as you are, but he is showing it in a different (and possibly inappropriate) way. I hope you find a way to move forward with your life.

No. For me I have to feel trusted & desirable to my sexual partner before I can commit myself to having sex with her. I may be one of few men who feels this way, but random (usually drunken) sex doesn't actually work for me. I need a very strong feeling of intimacy to successfully engage in making love.