• Edith, I'm always nice. Go let the jerk in.
  • Definition of a Meathead: Dead from the Neck Up.
  • Ah Jeeze!!
  • Edith get me a beer will ya....(I think thats what it was)
  • "Listen Edith, I know you're singing, you know you're singing, but the neighbors may think I'm torturing you."
  • why don't you take a short walk off a long pier?
  • I hate entertainment. Entertainment is a thing of the past, now we got television.
  • Upon hearing Mike was an atheist.... "Worse that Edith. I think it means he can't have any kids!"
  • Let me tell you one thing about Richard E. Nixon. He knows keep his wife, Pat, home. Roosevelt could never do that with Eleanor. She was always out on the loose. Runnin' around with the coloreds. Tell'in them they was getting the short end of the stick. She was the one that discovered the coloreds in this country, we never knew they was there. Great question! This was and still is my All-Time favorite sitcom! -Buddy
  • I just had to add one more...I have a million of 'em...LOL "Little boys who play with dolls grow up to be other boys' roommates" LOL LOL LOL
  • "J E A N ... thats Jean not John, thats a girl's name ya meathead." "No daddy, its French, his family is French." "Ah, jeese, don't get me started on the French."
  • Archie Bunker: There's no such thing as a colored fag. Mike Stivic: What? Archie Bunker: You don't believe me? Walk up to any colored guy and ask him, "Are you a fag?" Your tonsils will be wearing your mustache.
  • I just liked when he stuck out his tongue and gave the "raspberry" sound.
  • "A man isn't supposed to be in the labor room. Even the doctors are ashamed to be in there, that's why they wear them little masks."
  • When your President lies to you, it's for your own good!!
  • This is pretty funny....
  • Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side. Thanks for the trip down memory lane, I hadn't seen most of these in a while. :)
  • I like my dad's favorite: Gloria: "Did you know that <x number of> people were killed last year by handguns?" Archie: "Well, would it have made you feel any better, little goil, if they was pushed outta windows?" Gloria: "Boy, that is really convoluted logic." Archie: "Yes! And that's exactly the kind of straight thinking I'm trying to get across to youse people."
  • Meathead dead from the neck up
  • 1) Consoivitives is called "right wing" becuz deys is right, and librals is called left wing becuz deys is wrong! 2) [to the very butch feminist] "Pull up your fly!"
  • There are two actually, unfortunately I can't recall exactly how they went. Something about King David and the Jews beating the army of the Phillipenes. The other was when Edith was going through "the change" He told her how men just go and do what they need to do so if she was going to change hurry up and get it overwith. He stood there and waited for her to finish changing.
  • It's more what he did than said. Edith was going through "the change" and Archie was telling her that when men are told to straighten up they just do it and go on, so if she was going to change hurry up and get it overwith. Then he stood there, looking at her, waiting for her to finish changing.
  • Well, this one isn't nearly so funny I guess (from the "Draft Dodger" episode)...but I remember nearly falling out of my chair when I heard Arch say the following all-caps line about Vietnam (which oddly enough was allowed on the network broadcast--but subsequently bowdlerized to "rotten" by censors): Mike: [very loudly to Archie] When the hell are you going to admit that the war was wrong? Archie: [as lividly, vehemently and loudly as he can get] I ain't talking about that war - I don't wanna talk about that GODDAMN WAR NO MORE!! I'M TALKIN' ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE!!! And what he done was WRONG! CERTAINLY he will go! What do you think, the whole people of this country can say whether or not they wanna go to war?? You couldn't get a decent war off the ground that way! All the young people would say no, sure they would, 'cause they don't want to get killed! And that's why we leave it to the Congress, 'cause them old crocks ain't gonna get killed?? And they're gonna do the right thing and get behind the President, and vote Yes!
  • [ So many! ] Neighbor Irene Lorenzo wants to cut the party cake. Archie says, " Hold your horses, Irene. Like the Good Book says, 'Patience is a virgin.' "
  • (I am so bad at the computer. This was meant to be in my other answer as just another quote- I'm not trying to get extra points, I just hit the wrong buttons all the time on a computer!} Archie : " I never said a guy who wears glasses is a queer! A guy who wears glasses is a Four-Eyes, a guy who's a fag is a queer! "
  • How could we forget, "Stifle Edith, stifle!

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