Listen girl, I've been through the same thing. I have an ex that I was so in love with and he cheated on me and controlled me and made my self-esteem completely disappear. He was cruel to me beyond what anyone can imagine and he made me feel like I was worthless. I can't even go into all of it, but I was abused physically, emotionally, and manipulated until the very end of the relationship. I decided that I needed to be rid of him but I wanted revenge more than anything. Anytime I tried to walk away in the past he would call me, text me, message me, and beg me to come back to him and forgive him, and he'd tell me that he was changed and that he was a different person and he learned from his mistakes. I would take him back but we were never in an official relationship again after our first official one. Every time I took him back he would just go back to being the same asshole and would hurt me just as badly as before. He would play with my mind just like you said, he would turn things around and make everything my fault and tell me that I was the worst thing that happened to him and blame me for everything even when I caught him cheating!!! And I know what you mean, I stayed with this guy for so long that I got used to being treated like shit and I got used to being manipulated and controlled by him. I could have put up with that forever because I loved him so much, but I couldn't emotionally deal with him cheating on me. So I decided I had to leave him. When I finally decided I couldn't take it anymore and needed to be rid of him for good, I just moved out. I didn't give him any warning, I didn't tell him something was wrong, I just left. I think we have been in similar situations with our ex-boyfriends, court33296, and I can tell you what I learned from my experience that may help you with yours: The best revenge is completely erasing him from your life. I had moved to Florida to be with him, moved 20 hours away from my entire family because I needed him and loved him that much, and the day I decided I was done with him I waited until he left for work, and packed my shit up. By the time he got home, I was already driving home for New York. I didn't say goodbye or leave a note or say anything to him. When he tries to call or text I've had his number blocked so he can't get in touch with me. Blocked him on facebook too. The best revenge is this: preventing him from being able to control me and get me back in a flash the way he used to be able to. Trust me, you need to take the efforts to completely block him from your life, and that will be the BEST revenge for you. Get help from your family, I did. My parents contacted him before I blocked his number and told him that if he ever contacted me again that they would call the police. Then I just deleted him from everything: facebook, phone, email, etc. Luckily my ex is back in Florida while I am in NY but if your ex lives near you, and you're serious about never seeing him again, stop going to places where you think you may run into him. Be smart about it and be dedicated to ending things with him, and I promise you'll succeed. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do; as much as I hated him, I still loved him. But I forced myself to do it. It didn't seem like anything great in the beginning, but now I feel like I've gotten the sweetest revenge against my ex, because he was the most proud of how he could persuade me into coming back to him and forgiving him, and when I left without warning or saying goodbye, I made sure he had NO control over me. Leaving has left him alone, sorry, and completely cut off from me. I'm proud to say it's been almost four months and I am still going strong by myself, healing from everything, and learning how to be on my own again. He has not been able to get in touch with me and I'm learning how to live a normal life again without him ruining mine. So don't bother trying to get revenge on this scumbag, because what I've learned from my own experience is guys like this will just have another reason to come after you and give you shit if you try to get revenge on them. Also, trying to get revenge on someone that has been so horrible to you will only make things more ugly, I promise. People that are so good at manipulating and controlling and hurting us will do their worst when we try to fight back. The best thing to do is just get the fuc# AWAY from them. I know EXACTLY how you feel, like you can't live without this guy, despite everything, because you're so used to being with him and you've learned how to put up with all his shit. But I promise you, you may be sad for a while, but you will start to realize that you were imprisoned by this guy, and you'll learn how to live again, without him, and happy. You'll heal from this, even though it feels like you need him. He's only familiar to you because you know him well and he knows you. You deserve freedom and you deserve a life with people that appreciate you for exactly who you are and respect you for exactly who you are. Remember, people who really "love" you would NEVER hurt or control or manipulate you. It may be hard initially to break things off with this guy, but I can tell you that it WILL get better, I don't know how it does, but I can promise you because it's happened to me. A few months ago I thought I couldn't live without this guy, but time and all the efforts I've made are healing things little by little. Now I feel like I can love again someday. I feel like I've gotten a second chance. I hope you get one, too. And I hope this helps. No one deserves to go through what we have. Best of luck to you.
Comments
Your comment could have almost been me writing it. I'm glad to have your advice and I really admire what you did, you're very strong.
I think the biggest thing that stops me from taking those last steps is the time I spent trying to mend this. I promised myself that I would try and help him become a better person, and every time I feel like I did it he does something else to turn it back around. I just really wish that I didn't waste so much of my life, and a part of me feels like maybe it doesn't have to be wasted and I can still fix it.
I hate that about myself. I'm also the type of person that always has to be right, which I hate too. So I try to find out as much as I can and just get more upset when I tell him what I've discovered and he still lies about it.
by courtneyxx8 on January 20th, 2011
Thank you,you helped me,going to bookmark and plan on re-reading when needed,thank you so much!
by Runs with scissors on July 23rd, 2011