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by Daydreamer on May 23rd, 2005

Daydreamer

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Why do some heterosexual men seem to be homophobic towards gay men but not to gay women? In fact some men find lesbians a turn on, why is this?

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Answers. 21 helpful answers below.

  • by Anonymous on December 2nd, 2005

    Anonymous

    I think mainly because there is a pressure in masculine circles to be "macho" - and obviously being gay is seen as the opposite of that (they haven't met some of my friends!) For a lot of heterosexual men, being thought to have homosexual tendencies would damage their standing in the macho community. The best way to prove that they aren't in the slightest bit gay at all is to act in a homophobic manner- his friends then think "Well, he hates gays, so he can't be one." (ever heard of denial guys...). Obviously this problem doesn't really exist in the case of lesbians.
    A word about the whole lesbian turn-on thing: Men do not find real lesbians a turn-on. Trust me, those "lesbian" porn dvds are ridiculous and totally unrelated to anything real girls do when they get together. Essentially its just because its porn and its a sexual visual stimuli involving supposedly attractive women. In fact, as an ex-boyfriend of mine put it when I asked him about the phenomenon:
    "Its two women, orgasming, together!!!"

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  • by notmrjohn on May 24th, 2005

    notmrjohn

    Because straight men are interested in the same thing lesbians are. But not the same thing gay males are. Sex with women is so great, that even women enjoy sex with women. "Dayummmm she turns me on, in fact she's so sexy she turns women on." Sex with men is of no interest whatsoever. "Sex with men must not be so great, cause my wife don't enjoy havin it with me."
    Straight men are turned on by lesbian activity between women who individually also turn him on. Interest lessens when the two women are ,...um...'average.' Even less when they are below average. That is to say neither alone would interest him. Many years ago I knew a guy whose wife was somewhere between average and excellent, they had a sudden surprising break up. Eventually it came out that he had that fantasy of his wife being with another woman and it finally happened. The split was not due to his wife suddenly turning lesbian, as she didn't, or to her enjoyment of it, which she did. In fact he said he would have enjoyed her enjoyment, if it had not been with a woman who he said "was built like a linebacker."

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  • by R Spandit on February 21st, 2006

    R Spandit

    1. Women sometimes perpetrate homophobia in men by using suggestions of homosexuality as a way of criticising their male partners, e.g. "You'd rather hang out with your buddy friends than go out with me, you must be gay..." or "He's so worried about his looks, he must be gay." This can give rise to irrational fears in heterosexual men of being perceived as 'homosexual' or even being associated with homosexual men.

    2. Insecure heterosexual men are more afraid of homosexual men than those who are sexually confident. This is because they define themselves by who they are not, and who they dislike, rather than who they are.

    3. Heterosexual men find lesbianism a turn-on because of the 'harem mentality' - ie - the fantasy that women have sex with each other because they lack a man.

    4. Homophobia is generally more aimed at men rather than women, because historically religions mainly persecuted homosexual men. They ignored women.

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  • by Cerulean308 on December 13th, 2009

    Cerulean308

    I have also heard that men may find lesbians more attractive than straight women.

    If I were to guess why some men are homophobic towards gay men but not to lesbian women, I would assume that their sexuality highly influences how they percieve gays and lesbians. The thought of a women may naturally be a greater "turn on" to a straight male than the thought of a man.

    Also I am confident that many assumptions are made as to the thoughts of gay men. A straight male might assume that when a gay man approaches him it is purely because of a sexual attraction. However they may not consider that gay men may be as selective as straight men in their relationships. It is a misperception that gay men are attracted to every man they encounter.

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  • by Anonymous on July 8th, 2008

    Anonymous

    The real fact of men's attraction to lesbians again comes from porn. Men very ofter prefer to see two women making love rather than a man making love to a woman. Homophobia again. Seeing the naked make confronts the macho. And the man places himself as having sex with two women. Yeah, dream on.

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  • by veroniqueka on June 15th, 2008

    veroniqueka

    I once asked a guy in the subject whom by the way didn't have a problem with gay men but he said that the image of 2 girls is a turn on.Than I figured their problem is that the only reason MOST guys hate gays because they have the same bodies,they know what 2 gyus would do to each other and they feel "naked" and shocked being touched by another man.But it's their problem.:-))

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  • by amanda_0517 on December 6th, 2006

    amanda_0517

    I just think guys are perv.'s a lot of the times and two naked chicks getting it on turns them on where as two naked dudes getting it on grosses them out because they couldn't picture ever being with another guy it's not masculine to them and guys are all tuff or try to be. I think that its kinda hypocritical to be all for lesbians/bisexual females, but not agree with gay men.

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  • by Tedkzn on November 21st, 2006

    Tedkzn

    Men like lesbians for 3 reasons:

    1. It is like watching sex have sex.
    2. They like to imagine all the different ways they could fit into the situation.
    3. They like to think that women enjoy sex so much that, lacking a man, they will turn on each other.

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  • by yorkster on September 26th, 2006

    yorkster

    When a straight man is revolted by Gay men I think it has it roots in sexism. They feel that it is unmanly for a man to want another man,,so view Gay men as inferior,, ( much the same way they would women in general)

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  • by Dr.Feelgood on August 29th, 2009

    Dr.Feelgood

    A womans body is beautiful and to witness two gorgeous creatures carressing each other is a site that anyone can appreciate. On the other hand a mans body is quite nasty to gaze upon unless you are gay. Obviously if straight men like to have sex with women, then two woman naked is a glorious site[most of the time].

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  • by victoryisnotmine on September 30th, 2009

    victoryisnotmine

    Because lesbians are hot. Lesbians do things with other women, just like straight men. This is why they are a turn on. Straight men can identify with it. I'm straight and I don't talk to other men who are gay, not because I am afraid, but because I have no interest and don't think I could have any kind of conversation with them.

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  • by Moongrim on August 15th, 2009

    Moongrim

    I would say, because deep down inside, many guys secretly want to have another guy's dick inside them.

    Which is why so many dudes go for she-male porn. It's a nice way to rationalise.

    But many dudes pretend to not want it to reassure themselves.

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  • by Retroscape on November 17th, 2010

    Retroscape

    Because we dont care about a womans sexuall orientation, we just want to f**** them. : )
    Because we happen to be sexuall attracted to them.
    Having it the other way around is just offensive and threatning.
    Deal with it!!!!!
    I know whats going to happen: Your gonna call me a honophobe. I like men and all this other kind of bullsh*t that liberals do to shift the subject. So typical. Wake up and face commen sense and reality.
    NO one said it was going to be easy, so why try so hard to changing EVERYTHING! If an Alien were watching us they would think we are the stupidist civilization they have even encounterd
    FACT: Its all about how you were raised and what your subjected to!
    Take a psych book if you cant get this through your thick head.

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  • by KindheartedJoey on May 31st, 2010

    KindheartedJoey

    They are afraid of their own desires. There can't be another explanation. If a man is secure within himself, he knows that he is not harmed in any way by a gay man. If he is confused or insecure, he becomes a bigot. It isn't just gay men with these types of men. They often hate women out of a similar insecurity.

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  • by Randy D on December 13th, 2009

    Randy D

    Please define "homophobic". The suffix -phobic is from the Latin for fear, as in acrophobic, the fear of heights.

    Some people use the word "homophobic" to describe anyone who disagrees with homosexuals and/or homosexuality.

    I disagree with rampant crime, yet I'm not called "criminalphobic".
    I disagree with the govenrment using tax dollars to pay for programs and/or policies that I did not vote for, yet I'm not called "revenuephobic".
    I disgree with people playing their car stereos at ear-splitting levels, no one has ever called me an "audiophobic".
    I disagree with people exposing young, defenseless children to second-hand smoke, I haven't been labelled a "nicotinephobic".
    I disagree with the misuse of animals in tests for drugs and cosmetics, I don't hear anyone accusing me of being a "researchphobic".

    Please read my next sentence as carefully as I have written it:

    There are certain things about homosexuality with which I disagree, yet I do not fear homosexuals or homosexuality.

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  • by Runs with scissors on January 2nd, 2011

    Runs with scissors

    Because they feel insecure about their sexuality,but NOT by the oppisite sex.

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  • by mdamone on February 11th, 2006

    mdamone

    Some analysts believe that men are commonly aroused by seeing two or more women together sexually because psychologically and unconsciously (or consciously) this suggests to the man that he may have a chance/opportunity to be with those 2+ women.

    For many (not all) men, being with more than one woman at the same time sexually is self-suggesting that the man is more sexually adept, or macho, or attractive, etc.

    Basically, it is a male ego booster.

    What is interesting is the number of men who are generally homophobic toward sexuality and other men, BUT who find it a turn-on for them and other men to be with one woman at the same time.

    But that's another answer...

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  • by Athrael on February 9th, 2007

    Athrael

    Come on its so hot to watch two women getting down and dirty.

    But two dudes? Gross!

    I think homophobia is more due to being secure in your own sexuality. dudes are always having issues when it comes to "am I man enough". Gays add a lot to that in that they symbolize unmanly behavior.

    Not all dudes (straight) are uncomfortable around gays. I once heard a great line from a dude:

    "I'm only homophobic with gays I'm attracted too."

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  • by FineBalance . on December 4th, 2006

    FineBalance .

    This is what we call being Sexist (sex discrimination).

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  • by hotmoma on December 4th, 2006

    hotmoma

    is why is cause guys are insecure about there man hood and two women is a dream for alomost every man and im bi and my husband likes it and his uncle is gay and cant stand it at all so . there ya go

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  • by Yawning on August 15th, 2009

    Yawning

    It seems gay men have a thing for straight men.

    Its much rarer vice versa (obv)

    I dont think its homophobia necessarily. Gays should be allowed to do what they want- get married etc. Its just when they are interested in a straight man(especially when they know the person is straight) where -
    housten, we've got a problem.

    Having a fetish should not be a bad thing just some people want to do what they were "supposed" do so lets respect that...
    I am sorry i could not find a euphamism for that statement.

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