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by shadesofgray on March 11th, 2010

shadesofgray

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It has been 11 years since I have seen her. I still love her, but she's happy in her marriage. What should I do to finally get over her?

It has been 11 years since I have seen her. I am still convinced that I love her despite having been in several relationships since. I am 27, gone to college, been in serious relationships, served in Iraq, have my head on generally straight. She is married with kids and I don't want to spoil her happiness for the sake of mine. What should I do to finally get over her?

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Answers. 3 helpful answers below.

  • by Anonymous on March 11th, 2010

    Anonymous

    Oddly enough I was lying in bed last night mulling over this very same question. I realized that I was still holding a torch for a woman I fell in love with when I was just a kid. She's older, married now - I haven't seen here in a decade and yet some part of me still has this inescapable longing.

    To a certain extent, she has defined what I've looked for in every relationship I've been in and every woman I've loved. And while on one side of things this has been a good thing because I was so clear in my own understanding of the characteristics of the person I was looking for, the downside is that no one ever measured up. Because they weren't her.

    I had two thoughts, and I warn you neither was very comforting.

    First, I may always carry this longing for her because at some point, likely after a few years of physical absence in my life, she ceased to be her - the person - and became a myth. She became this almost untouchable godlike effigy of love. In this way, the girl I love is not real. A long time ago, the girl I still love and the woman that exists diverged.

    Second, what is the point in worrying about getting over her? It has not debilitated my ability to be in a relationship and it hasn't prevented me from leading the life I desire to. The only thing negative it has done is made me fantasize, on occasion, about what it might be like to see her again.

    Perhaps there are things in life we're not meant to "get over" in the psychologist's couch sense of the term. I know that no love of any kind has ever fully left me - it's never just been "gotten over" and transcended. Probably because love itself is transcendent.

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  • by gardengirl10 on March 14th, 2010

    gardengirl10

    I know exactly what you mean. I used to think I was going insane. Why could I not forget this man that I had never even had a relationship with? I have never been a "head over heals" type, so it did not make sense. In searching for answers, I found this book, "Twin Souls: A Guide to Finding Your True Spiritual Partner” by Patricia Joudry & Maurie Pressman, M.D. It explained a lot. The only thing I can tell you is, take it one day at a time. If it is meant to happen, it will. She may not be as happy in her marriage as you think, or things may change. Even if not, if you truly love her, you'll want what's best for her even if it's not with you. I wish you well.

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  • by canbfrisky on March 11th, 2010

    canbfrisky

    I had the same issue ...she was even in my dreams - 10 yrs later...So, I took my last picture of her, went outside and set fire to it and watched her face disappear...the dreams stopped & from that time on I think of her less and less.

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