Should I get a divorce? My wife and I fight all the time. We don't speak for days. We have 3 children, 3 houses and a bunch of stocks. I think I want to get separated, but am worried about losing my shirt in the divorce proceedings. I am in Pennsylvania.

Nobody can sort this out for you.

But what caught my attention was your concern about losing your shirt rather than losing your children. I would suggest spending some time reflecting on your values: what really matters most to you? Is money really the top priority?

I am sorry from the sound of your question that you seem to care as much or more about losing material possessions and money than what will become of your children. Children are far worse off in a family where there is constant fighting and abusive behavior than in one where there is love, respect and good values taught.

For your children's sake get a divorce and have the children where they will be best cared for, which from the sound of it would be with their mother. Then you can go back to re-accumulating your stocks, bonds, money and other things.

Be fair to the children. You can build up more money if that is important to you once they are safe and out of your influence and not around alot of fighting and disharmony.

Which is worse: losing STUFF, or your 3 kids growing up with parents who fight all the time and are unhappy in the marriage?

Have you tried counseling? Might be worth a shot.

is money important to you??? we had always had a big fight with my ex and he constantly hit me in front of my children,i feel sorry for my children cuz it's unhealthy for them like that kind of environment..i divorced him finally and i nevr asked him any single cent, he got 60% of the house no child support and alimony...just to get rid of him,but the court gave me the custody,with the child xsupport and less visitacion from him... cuz FOR HIM HIS MONEY IS HIS GOD..but it turned away around i got him lol

This is what people don't understand. It takes TWO people not to talk for days. In that time, there is actual energy being spent NOT to talk.

There's this big pink elephant standing in the middle of the living room that two supposedly mature adults are busy pretending isn't there.

You can't get a divorce until you can honestly say that you've tried your best and had professional guidance doing it. Not talking is the stupidest, most childish game in the world. It is WITHOLDING LOVE in order to really STICK IT to your partner. That is cruel as hell, and everybody knows it! Even if they won't say it to your face.

When you view it like that, reality illuminates the absurdity of it for you, and perhaps your own cruel streak, as well. In your house resides the person you swore to love and honor. Either you never knew the meaning of those words in the first place, or you're not holding up your half of the bargain. Which is it?

If your partner can't meet you half way, then leave eventually, but never drop your own standards. It eats you alive. +5

I just wanted to comment on the answers given. Everyone is putting you down as far as saying the money part is more important than your kids. Not everyone knows details of your situation. The reason why you may not worry about losing your kids is simply because you do not have to. You may already know that she will not keep them from you or that your kids may want to be with you instead of her. Anyways, I am a female fixing to go through a divorce, I do not think that all men are dogs, and I realize that females can be. If you and your wife fight all the time and dont speak for days, and you dont think it will change then try a separation first, and do not file right away for a divorce. Sometimes we get in a hurry to start divorce proceedings. Maybe if you go through a separation first, then yall might realize that you really love each other and want to be together after all. If that doesnt work, then go through with the divorce, but dont stay in the marriage because of what you think she will get. Some will tell you to stay for your childrens sake but I have done a little research and learned that sometimes staying in a marriage where you and you spouse fight all the time can be worse on the children. I know that it would be worse for me if my parents fought all the time and didnt speak to each other for days. Some parents dont realize that children sense this stuff and it can cause depression and other problems. Good luck in whatever you decide to do, but dont straight to the divorce.

Well, you could, and perhaps you should since that seems to be more important to you than losing your kids, or you kids losing their family. You life might be bad, but a divorce will be far worse of your children, and that's the priority here. Barring physical violence, no amount of arguing has a greater affect on them, than a divorce.

Fix your problems, or deal with them, but don't destroy your children's home. If this has to happen, than give one of the houses to them, where they will live. You two can live elsewhere and say with them three weeks on and three weeks off.
http://tinyurl.com/BirdNestCustody2

Do some reading:
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Proper-Care-and-Feeding-of-Marriage/Dr-Laura-Schlessinger/e/9780061142826/?itm=4

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Stop-Whining-Start-Living/Dr-Laura-Schlessinger/e/9780060838331/?itm=2

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Stupid-Things-Parents-Do-to-Mess-Up-Their-Kids/Laura-Schlessinger/e/9780060933791/?itm=12

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Ten-Stupid-Things-Couples-do-to-Mess-up-Their-Relationships/Laura-Schlessinger/e/9780060512606/?itm=7


All Children Deserve Two Parents
Georgia Supreme Court Chief Justice Leah Ward Sears has noted, children born to unmarried women and to those in cohabiting relationships “must often overcome increased risks of poverty, education failure, child abuse, delinquency, emotional distress and mental illness.”…….the lack of a father’s guidance in children’s lives is a major cause of their suffering. “Marriage is the best child welfare, crime prevention, anti-poverty program we have,”
http://www.barnesville.com/archives/266-gem-from-jim-octuplets.....html

Fatherless America : Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem
David Blankenhorn
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Fatherless-America/David-Blankenhorn/e/9780060926830/?itm=1

Fortune Magazine - Fatherless Families & Crime
“Ominously, the most reliable predictor of crime is neither poverty nor race but growing up fatherless.”
http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/fortune_archive/1992/08/10/76732/index.htm

Stanford University - Divorce, Nontraditional Families, and Its Consequences For Children
"We know that children of divorced parents have more emotional and behavioral problems and do less well in school than children who live with both their Parent."
http://www.stanford.edu/~rmahony/Divorce.html

Parents: Never Underestimate Your Importance
http://tinyurl.com/ParentsNeverUnderestimate

You are asking the wrong questions? Why do you and your wife fight and not speak for days? Do I want my children to grow up in a single family home? Do I love my wife? Are my wife and family worth fighting to keep? What made me fall in love with my wife? Who has changed more, my wife or I? Can my wife and I work to make our marriage work? Do I really want that? Am I willing to work that hard?

When all of this is resolved, then worry about your houses and stocks.

Do not give up so easily. There are 1001 ways to perk up your marriage. Seek a good marriage counselor first.

And if you do not mind, give Jesus a chance. He is the answer to all our problems. Jesus has helped to save many marriages. All you have to do is to go to the nearest church and ask for assisstance. Free of Charge!

Do not resort to divorce. Everybody loses in a divorce except the divorce lawyers. Your children will be the ones to suffer most. Spare a thought for them.

You can make it, buddy, if you want to. Always remember, when there is a will, there is a way. Best wishes and Merry Christmas!

Forget worrying about losing your shirt, be more concerned about your marbles.

I can understand what you mean. Many people were financially ruined after a divorce. If counseling does not bring you back together, maybe you could just separate without a divorce proceeding. Maybe you could just live each of you in one of your houses. If you do not see each other every day, the situation could get better. You should decide this in agreement with your wife, maybe both of you find a solution that will be OK for all of you (including financially).

Calculate your net worth. Assume that she will get half.

Research online, how does child support work. Assume that you will not have custody of the children.

Look at your job security. Don't worry about what you have accumulated. Think about if you can maintain your standard of living. Or what changes in lifestyle you will need.

Divorce could make sense.

Solve the root of the fights, or avoid that woman. It is possible to live in the same house with someone you are avoiding/ignoring. You can pretend that she is a roommate that you don't like any longer.

I would rather live happy in a hut, than miserable in a mansion.

redrum

problems I have with my wife

1- She is very dependent. She hardly dose anything for herself. She is very pessimistic. She is very vulnerable and lacks self confidence. She always reacts hysterically to matters.
she needs a lot of attention and she has very difficult rules to sense attention. She almost cant' maintain any friendship for a long time because of all the above mentioned things. Any sort of sickness or disease worries her to death, she constantly say that she thinks she will die. If she has headaches she thinks she has tumor, if she has pain in her breast she thinks she has cancer and so on. In our fights she might hurt herself to death, we have ended up in hospital several times. She says she wants divorce but I feel she really doesn't want. She just wants to attract my attention with this extreme ways. I never said that I want to divorce her or threatened her because I knew she gets outrageous in a matter of second but she forgets it soon.

One day she feels so much love for me and the other she hates me. She can accuse me for any trivial matter to death or praise me to heaven. Now she has brought up divorce again while she is back in our country for a surgery. This time I did not say no, although again after she wrote me an email that she wants divorce, she called me back and said she loves me. Now its just a bad timing because she is having surgery, although her parents are with her, but I was so tired of this ups and downs. I didn't say no and now she is accusing me of being a cruel person to not reject her divorce proposal. I just don't know what to do, we have been with each other for 10 years but it never worked properly.

I always thought I love her because she is very simple and has a world as simple as children. But now I realize that this is simplicity and she constantly create problems. I am stocked between rocks and deep blue sea. I think this will never work out and we should divorce before having any children but at the same time I am very worried for her and fearful for myself. I think this fear comes from the feeling that I have for her as if she is very innocent and childish and she gave me love like the way children give love, but I think also this is not true, because this is a one way relationship, she never grew up. She remained dependent. I always though I can help her, but now she thinks I am the cause of all the problems she has experienced, all the diseases or anything. She is 29 and beautiful, but I know that she feels like being much more. Sometimes i think she really wants divorce but she is just scared of it. I am so much confused. I appreciate any help and advise.

I sure love her, but am not sure if in love with her. She always complains because I never initiate sex. I think the reason is I am emotionally tired because of all the ever existing arguments.

I feel sorry for both of us, because I think we love each other but we can't make each other happy. We have never been able to do so at lease for reasonable amount of time. This is when I come to think that its an addiction rather than love?! maybe we are just used to each other.

Are you and your wife, 3 children christians in a church? If so you and your wife should seek counseling from your Pastor. Husband if you do not know how to pray. Please get on your knees and ask God to teach you how to pray for your family and yourself. Ask God to change you and your wife, so that you can get along together to live a happy life together. If you have a bible please read I Corinthians 7:1-16. There you will find the following.

(1) Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” (2) But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. (3) The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. (4) The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. (5) Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (6) I say this as a concession, not as a command. (7) I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
(8) Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. (9) But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

(10) To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. (11) But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

(12) To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. (13) And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. (14) For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

(15) But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. (16) How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

I am in a similar situation except 2 kids instead of 3 and we only have one house. Actually as far as I am concerned she can have the house and I know she loves the kids but I also know that the kids prefer to be with me. She treats, them and everyone she is intimate with in the same controlling and abusive way.

I want her out of my house.

Problem is we live in Qatar and she and the kids are under a visa with me. A split would mean she would have to leave the country. So you can see this is a hard one for me as I need the job but also want to stay near my kids. But really I have to get out of living with this woman..

Pennsylvania divorce law sucks if you're male, but other than that, sure. But have you considered any other options? One is laying your cards on the table and requesting your wife see a shrink. She might (or might not) be willing to change rather than quit. Another is to just live in separate houses and not bother with the divorce. Know that if you get divorced, you will see the kids only if and when she wants you to, or not at all, you might well spend $50,000 or more in legal fees, you will pay a big support check monthly, and the property settlement will likely be in her favor.

If you can't get compromise you should!

My parents do the same thing, but they for some miracle,lasted together for 25 years,driving me CRAZY!

My natino would say - WHO is fighting,they are in love... OI! Good lack