hubby would rather look at porn than have sex (im not fat, not prude, dont say no to sex) Is it b/c hes a porn addict or b/c no love for me?

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• this quyestion is a bit old. He has been incounseling for a few months now and is doing much better. You are right on the money.

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  by ladyshakespeare on March 26th, 2010

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• we are in counseling now. He is porn addict. I initiate sex almost every single day. I wont promise to let him do anything he wants to me! I have had enough of being sexuallly abused and degraded for his gratifiction. You are right though, he has lost his ability to enjoy sex. now he only enjoys the act of hurting another person. Even the counselor (a man) is saying it is not healthy to use sex as a way to abuse the wife. Good news is, i dont have to suffer through anal anymore. so thats a bonus!

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  by ladyshakespeare on January 15th, 2010

• just to ake sure we are clearly communicating the situation...my husbands father started him on porn at 8 (he is now 35) He has some very serious mental problems, we are not talking about a regular guy who uses porn once in a while.

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  by ladyshakespeare on January 15th, 2010

• He clearly was in trouble, I hope he gets better. It's tough on you I'm sure, when you have felt degraded. I hope you get back to enjoying sex. I hope several sex acts haven't been ruined for you. It sounds like you don't enjoy anal. When done right, my wife finds it wildly erotic. I have to be very careful though, she only will take it occasionaly. Acts that he used to degrade you with, aren't necessarily 'degrading' if done properly. Try to keep an open (and forgiving)mind, it will help alot in the future

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  by 10point on January 15th, 2010

• he enjoys inflicting pain, he also prefers it to be degrading. His big thing is ass to mouth (which i will not do, it is abuse, nothing more) Im hoping he can make progress in counseling, but im not really expecting to. he has been taught that women are just here to be used, use them how you want and get rid of them. He also feels that a wife has no place in a husbands life, she is there to clean and take care of the kids, nothing more.

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  by ladyshakespeare on January 15th, 2010

• as for anal, I will never allow myself to be harmed in that way again. Our counslor pulled out the medical references and anal causes permenant damage to the rectum. It isnt supposed to be done.

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  by ladyshakespeare on January 15th, 2010

• That is too bad, it sounds like this guy has a lot of problems. My wife and I own and operate medical clinics. We work together on many projects, some I am in charge, others she is. It is a fine line for men to operate in today's world of powerful women, and still feel like a man. I don't need to degrade my wife in bed to feel like a man, but it does help for her to 'submit' at times. Submit isn't a dirty word, I am responsible for not asking for anything that I know she won't willingly give. Still a two way street. Trust is critical, she doesn't do anything she doesn't want, and has learned to enjoy what many women won't do. Every couple has a sexual line they won't cross, I'd say ass to mouth is beyond that line for us, but for some? Who knows?

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  by 10point on January 15th, 2010

• Oh, and I am not lecturing you. It sounds as if you have a tough struggle ahead of you. Get you and kids (?) safe and happy. Worry about marriage second. Don't be afraid to use ultimatums to make him change. Some say people can't change, not true, it's just really hard.

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  by 10point on January 15th, 2010

• I dont think you are lecturing, i appreciate another perspective on the matter. My probelm is that I was TOO submissive and allowed his destructive side become "real." I believe he married me because of how submissive I was. Its gonna be a long haul.....

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  by ladyshakespeare on January 15th, 2010

• Are you considering divorce? It's sad when men look for a woman to marry so they can sexually abuse. You deserve a nice man who hates porn and sex and who respects you as a person, not piece of meat or object.

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  by Robogirl_roboguy_robodog_robocat_in_2030 on January 15th, 2010

• sex is a beautiful act of union between a man and woman who love each other. I wouldnt want a man who hates sex, but rather, I would love to have a man who loves the connection involved with sex. there is a misconception surrounding humanity since the introduction of porn. People believe that sex is to be enjoyed by a man and endured by the woman. This is false!!! (this is exactly why we see so many men pushing for anal, but they wont dream of allowing themselves to suffer through it. They believe that women are made to suffer through sex)If this misconception could be eliminated, it would benefit humanity and restore the love relationship between a husband and wife. Sex is not to blame, human error is to blame.

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  by ladyshakespeare on January 15th, 2010

• I don't see the connection between sex and love. Besides almost all the men I know will lie about love so they can get sex. Women think he loves her but he just wants to satisfy himself as you pointed out.(sex is to be enjoyed by a man and endured by the woman)
  
  I do agree that porn is bad, it corrupts people(men in particular) I hate porn and even look away if a porn popup shows or someone tries to show me it. Are you considering divorce? You seem so unhappy with his porn addiction.

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  by Robogirl_roboguy_robodog_robocat_in_2030 on January 15th, 2010

• think of it this way.....he has an addiction, he has unaddressed issues from an abusive childhood, he has developed a behavioral disorder as a result of the abuse (he has narcissistic personality disorder)he has no friends and his family is 2000 miles away. If I run out on him....who will help him to help himself? At 35 years old, he is finally in counseling. The last thing he needs is to be abandoned by one more person. he is MY husband, and i am in this for the long haul. Thats what i vowed to do! In sickness and in health!

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  by ladyshakespeare on January 15th, 2010

• Awww that's so sweet you are staying and refusing to be part of the 70% divorce rate! Did you know any of this before you married? My parents want me to marry someday but the odds are against me of finding a loving wife who will accept me for me(even I am not perfect). I have no luck even finding a girlfriend! So many people are too quick to leave a marriage at the first sign of trouble.
  
  Can you install software that will block all porn on his computer? If you want love, is he willing to cuddle and kiss you? This turns on the women I know way more than sex does.

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  by Robogirl_roboguy_robodog_robocat_in_2030 on January 15th, 2010

• I did not know any of ths before marriage. we have only been married for 8 months, we did not live together prior to marriage. I CAN use the parental controls to block the porn, but I dont want to. I want him to make a decision to be a better man. If I babysit him into it, then he isnt learning t fight the addiction and correct the destructive bahavior. HE has to recognize andcorrect his own behavior, all I can do is be here for him along the way. He has already admitted to being a porn addict, thats huge. He doesnt give any affection at all. he really isnt capable of that right now. But he will be eventually.

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  by ladyshakespeare on January 15th, 2010

• Lady, I would encourage him to install the software and give you the password. Don't stock the liquor for an alcoholic. help him fight it, but you're right, don't fight it for him.

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  by 10point on January 15th, 2010