ANSWERS: 82
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"Thanks goodness you didnt breathalyse me, Im as drunk as a lord.... now do you fancy a drag race"
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here piggy oink oink snort snort 'nudge nudge'
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I have this domination fantasy. Could you handcuff me and rub your baton over my sensitive body parts?
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I bet your gun is a fake and if ever it's real, your just a pussycat and you are too afraid to fire it. If in case you gather enough guts to pull the trigger, your aim is as good as blind man!
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You must have woke up on the wrong side of the pig pen. Didn't you have your daily donut yet? Don't worry you'll get to go through the red light so you can go park on the side of the road and pretend you are working... Wait your not a pig I mean a cop are you?? lol :)
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"Heeeelllllooooo Occifer Friendly" Yeah that got me into trouble once or twice.
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Damn, I'm horny...
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Are you an a-hole to everyone or is it just my lucky day?
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1. Hey! HEY! You know what speed you're driving at? A ticket for you mister... 2. Your sister called me yesterday and told me the jackass of the house would leave and she would be alone at home. But she didnt tell me the time. So.....when do you leave? 3. LOOK! OVER THERE! ISNT HE CARRYING A GUN? No, wait, is it a BOMB!? AAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! HE SHOT ME!!! *gasp* *gaaasp* gaaaaaaasp* Nah, I was just kidding. 4. Havent I seen you somewhere? Hmmmm, where was it? Oh yeah! I remember! But...why are you here? Have they discovered you are a man and kicked you out of the 'Country Stripping Club'?
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(To an old fashioned British bobby) "Does your head go all the way to the top of your helmet?"
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Swearing. I learned that the hard way.
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Where's the nearest safe-house?
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Could you hold my beer while I grab my registration and insurance?
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Hey, pig.
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"Oink, Porky!" Evidently, downraters believe you SHOULD say "Oink" to a policeman, LOL.
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"I didnt do it!" I tried that once- didnt work. I was quite stoned at the time though.. Another great one is "She errr... just FELL onto the err dagger"..
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Is that bacon I smell!
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"Don't you have anything better to do, @sshole"?
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Do you know why I pulled you over? Because you think I have donuts in here?
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You couldn't be as stupid as you look .
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Why chase me down ,when you should be chasing the real criminals .
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hey look, its richard simmons!!!
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I just blew/screwed your Momma, and she was F-I-N-E!
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1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas ) 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People? 4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! 5. Are You Andy or Barney? 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. 7.Cop: Sir can you step out the car Driver: Can you sit in my car, I'm to drunk to step out!
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Have any extra donuts?
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Here are some more...lol 1. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? 2. I pay your salary! 3. Gee, Office r! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too! 4. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. 5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are. 6. When the Officer says "Gee Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?" 7.Can I hold your gun for a sec. 8.I bet you can't get out of your cuffs with no key...lets see then
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Here's more ideas.
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from the man with two brains. " no officer that is not my dead wife in the passenger seat."
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"Piggy-wiggy wanna donut?"
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Freeze! Hands in the air! Nice and easy and no one gets hurt! That's it copper down on the ground! Hey you think I'd make it through the academy. What's your badge made out of? Wanna go pull over random cars and give them screwed up sobriety test? We can bet on how many we can make quack like ducks.
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"License? Sure, Barney... <rolling eyes>"
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I give you a handjob if you let me go or chill out officer your too serious, take a hit of this joint!
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IF i was speeding and you caught me...shouldn't we cancel each other out..or you get a ticket also!!!
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Officer, clearly we're experiencing a lack of communication, so I want to talk to you in a language I know you'll understand. Oink oink! Snort! Squeeeeeeeee! Squeeeeeeeee! Squeeeeeeeee! Squeeeeeeeee! (This works best if you put fingers on either side of your head to simulate "ears"). I hope this has been helpful.
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cop: whats your last name the wrong answers:gotti, bin laden, simpson, king, downey jr., spears, hilton(if your first name is paris), vick, tyson, donut, shakur, osbourne, bonds, murphy, van winkle, fonda and Kelly(if there are young girls in the car.
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Pig.
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You recite the Bard like a Philistine.
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Shouldn't you be catching some REAL criminals???
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You were great at my sister's bachelorette party! By the way, we found your baton wedged between her couch cushions and here's the bill for the body oil stain from when we spilled it all over your body... I'll leave it to your imagination whether that was true or not. ;)
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Do you wanna bum??
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My girlfriend snorts when she laughs. In Australia we call police PIGS. Two policemen walked past us and my friend started to snort. Well lets just say we had a very unpleasant conversation trying to convince them the snorting wasn't directed at them.
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Fuck off shit face.
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here piggy, piggy. here piggy, piggy. (((oink))).
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"Write me a ticket, and you're a dead man!" +5
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would you like a sip of my Jack and seven?
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OMG whats that over there?!?!?! *runs in other direction*
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So, pig, what are you going to do about it, arrest me?
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Hey, that's MY bong!
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So the cop pulls the guy over and says, "Your eyes look red; have you been drinking tonite?" And the guy replies, "Officer, your eyes look glazed; have you been eating donuts?"
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You wanna come back to my place sexy?
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Sure we can't make that an "oral" warning? Wink, wink;)
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Sir could you hold my beer while I look for my registration?
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My gun is bigger than yours.
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to go in from the front or behind?
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Doesn't the department have a height/weight requirement?
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A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
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WTF!!
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You look just like that guy in the photo on my girlfriends night stand.
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Is that a billy club in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
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Do you have to fill a quota or somthing?
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officer i promise i have not been drinking. i only smoked weed; it is just against my belief to drink and drive.
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Too bad the FBI is so selective.
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Aren't police officers fat these days or you wanna keep off those doughnuts..lol
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I don't see the resemblance... You don't look anything like a pig.. I'm just saying. No I'm not drunk I'm stoned. I know I have the right to remain silent. I watch Law and Order.
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"Aha, I thought I smelled bacon."
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got any donuts left?
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"sure i was speeding , i was trying to beat you to crispy creams before all you pigs ate all the doughnuts "
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<<<<TASERED>>>>..oops sorry yo..I didn't know it was on:):)
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Some great ones here:
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My girlfreind is married to a sargeant just like you!
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'ere
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Yeah, NUNYA, "Go f*ck yourself" or it's innummerable possible derivatives should be resolutely avoided. [just imho] - ;-)
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I know that uniformed jailers, especially Sheriff's deputies (who aspire to greater duties), hate the label "turnkeys"! A quick, easy way of immediately 'getting their goat'! ;-)
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but i've only drank half a bottle of vodka?
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The bigger question for me is what haven't i said to a police officer.
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Never admit that you have anything illegal if you are sure it wont be found.
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Your Wrong!!!!!!
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i pay your salary drive to the next train stop.. (i actually did do this,the guy nearly arrested me)
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I see the pigs are out in force today!?
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I will quote Andrew Dice Clay. The cop stops you and says. "I clocked you doing seventy." You say: " I know. I would have hit ninety but you stopped me." +5
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Is that a truncheon in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?
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i like pot.
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