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by Anonymous on December 3rd, 2009
By all means, stay for the children if you want to change who they are. They will grow up angry, resentful, guiltridden and untrusting.
I wish my parents had divorced because it changed my life for the worse having them in a 24 hour battle day after day.
They will learn that people who stay together for their children only want to have witness to their fighting. They will learn that one parent, out of love, will pit one parent against the other. They will feel compelled to take sides and feel guilt about it forever.
It you do love your children, give them a peaceful and happy environment where 2 ADULTS can parent them seperately but happily.
by Wide Awake @ has closing date woo hoo on December 3rd, 2009
Staying in a marriage "for the children" does no one any good, especially the children. They will see the tension and have ill effects from it.
by MeatMan on December 3rd, 2009
fix the marrage, tell your partner you still love them and try and remember y u got married in the first place. the grass is not greener on the other side so stop fighting and get along and be happy you have eachother. look into your childrens eyes and see your's and your partners and deal with the stress. in the long run you will be happier and it will cost you less in lawyer fees lol.
by Anonymous on December 3rd, 2009
you bounce on that BS
Kids know an unhappy marriage when they see one.
1)you're teaching them to settle
2)marriage is not enjoyable
both bad lessons
by SinnerSaint on December 3rd, 2009
that is a very tricky question. I know quite a lot of people who wouldn't divorce just for the sake of their children. just think about it, what did the poor kids do to deserve this? maybe the adults can act as adults and sort out their differences.
by AnonymousGirl on December 3rd, 2009
Staying in a marriage for the children is wrong. You should stay in a marriage because you want to be in that marriage, not blame your children for staying together.
by sweetielowe on December 3rd, 2009
I don't know any child that has grown up glad their parents got divorced. And if going their seperate ways and splitting the family up truely is better for the childrens long term development then why do so many children suffer long term emotional truma and resentment linked to their parents divorce? Divorce affects children a lot more than people like to admit so their emotional wellbeing should be taken into account as well as what the parents want a lot more than it seems to.
Firstly let me say that in most cases parents divorce for themselves not the children. Then use an array of excuses `that its better for the kids to grow up in a broken home rather than growing seeing us not happy together etc` and i'm not convinced thats true or if its just an excuse to make the parents feel better. As long as the relationship wasn't volitile or violent and the kids love both parents then i doubt any child would be happy for their father or mother to leave. I can understand toxic and violent relationships needing to end for the kids because to bring them up in that environment would be far more damaging. But for those that have split just because they have itchy feet or have become bored but are both still good parents then i don't believe that ending can ever be better for the children.
by vera city on December 3rd, 2009
unless you or your children are suffering abuse, stay and fix the marriage, get counseling, make the home stable for yourself as well as the kids.
divorce is a terrible choice most of the time because you take your problems from this marriage with you and they will influence all your future relationships.
good luck
by jerryperris on December 3rd, 2009
-----------> my mom and dad stay marriage for us kids till i was 13yo and had 2 sister 11yo & 15yo at the time they got divorce but my dad was never home he was out playing with the girls it still hurt me alot till i got older then i seen what it all about
but what is funny is my dad was a better dad after the divorce than before it
but they found the love of there life mom & dad
so i say dont stay just for the kids
before my mom die i was telling her i knew that my dad was playing with the girls she never knew that i knew about him
by quack is whack on December 3rd, 2009
Depends on the situation - would it be more or less harmful to the children if you stayed together?
by Fenchurch on December 3rd, 2009
my parents waited till i was moved out but all i can remember is the unhappiness going far back. in some ways (selfish) im glad they did. but i know i couldnt have changed it because i told my mom many times to get a divorce. even though its none of my business i knew she was unhappy and felt guilty like i was making her life miserable by existing.
by spock's brain on December 3rd, 2009
You should definately find happiness, but are you ABSOLUTELLY sure you can't find it in your marriage? If not, maybe it is worth a try to fix it.
.
If you have given it all you could and have no hope and no more desire to try, I have to believe it is better for the parents AND the kids to split. AS several previous messages state, there is little reason to think that growing up in an unhappy home is of any benefit to the children.
.
Whatever you decide, I hope it works out for you. Good luck!
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Comments
Excellent answer.
by Wide Awake @ has closing date woo hoo on December 3rd, 2009
you have a really strange idea of the powers of divorce. broken homes are no more peaceful and happy than homes with two warring parents. the separated parents want to enter into another relationship and it is a VERY rare instance when the new partner fully accepts the children of a previous relationship. warring continues in broken homes, just now the warriors are a parent and a stranger. bottom line, children are better off when their parents get professional help and work their problems out
by vera city on December 3rd, 2009
@Vera, I don't find my answer 'strange' at all. Could it be that your comment was the strange one.
It's only a difference of opinion. Mine comes from experience.
I do find that when a couple, after many months and maybe years, finally gets to that place of divorce, it's usually way to late for either party to want to work it out. If they do, good for them. They have still changed who their children will be, whether they stay together or divorce. The damage to the children, trust and family unit has been done. Children don't forget and blame themselves for divorce. It's natural and sad, but true.
by Anonymous on December 4th, 2009
continued---- I didn't want to write about my own experience but it's my only reference.
My parents were totally mis-matched and were seperated when she found she was pregnant with a second child, me. In those days, she did what you suggested. She stayed for the sake of the children.
There was not a day that when by that she did not blame me and my father for her misserable life and for the situation she found herself in. It was neither of our faults, but that didn't matter. She made both of our lives a living hell, and I left when I legally could.
I'm and old woman of 63 and my heart still hurts. I wonder what I could have been if she had out of my life and I'd had someone to encourage and love me. She was a mentally sick human being and I've forgiven her, but nevertheless, she changed who I was. To condemn a child to an abusive environment is cruel and heartless. Abuse doesn't only come in slaps and blows. It's comes in verbal and psychological forms as well.
It was people who didn't believe in divorce who left me there to endure and I will never forget them either.
by Anonymous on December 4th, 2009
Back Sherri 100%!
by Wide Awake @ has closing date woo hoo on December 4th, 2009
@Wide Awake, thanks. Your support is very important and appreciated.
by Anonymous on December 4th, 2009