"Random acts of anonymous kindness". Is that your philosophy too?

I've never thought of it as a philosophy but I think it's a nice idea. On the whole though I think I'm probably more inclined not to make them anonymous, because I enjoy helping the people who are closest to me and I find the two-way nature of the exchange an affirming experience for both parties. I think that being on both the giving and receiving ends of kindness helps to grow friendships and love. Having said all that, there is something very delightful about the idea of doing someone a good turn anonymously.

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Thanks Winkie, +5. I suppose that the anonymous aspect appeals to me because I have no one very close to me. If I were to identify myself with the act, the recipient might question my motives. Was I just "showing off" or something? Doing it anonymously removes the possibility of that question.
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 25th, 2009
I think you're an undiscovered treasure, Warrior Klingon, and I wish you had the chance to experience the pleasure of having your kindness accepted not as 'showing off' but as a genuinely lovely act. I think you have a lot to give to people who would really appreciate it, if you could reach that stage of trust with them.
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by winkie on November 25th, 2009
I wish that I could and I'm determined to work on it. You've got it exactly right. I've become so suspicious of peoples motives that I'm now effectively cut off from the rest of humanity. I want to do good for others, but avoid F2F encounters. I've got a lot of issues to work on. I have to learn where the boundary is between justified suspicion and irrational social phobia. It's especially difficult when I can't "read" subtle facial expressions and body language very well as compared to people who don't have Aspergers Syndrome.Thanks again for your encouragement. :^)
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 25th, 2009
Thank you for taking it so well, I really don't mean to criticise you because I appreciate that you have real difficulties with this sort of thing, but you're already taking the first step by wanting to work on it. Unfortunately, there are always people who will take advantage of your kindness and perhaps you'll have some of your suspicions justified, but I think there are far more of the other kind, who wouldn't want to take advantage, and would genuinely be touched by your generosity. For you I can see that there are added difficulties in distinguishing between justified suspicion and irrational social phobia, but rest assured that even people without your condition find it difficult to read signs sometimes. I've often misjudged people based on the physical impressions I've received, but sometimes it pays off to take a risk and allow yourself to be a little vulnerable.
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by winkie on November 25th, 2009
I tend to misread situations so badly that I don't trust myself at all with nonverbal cues. It's just not apparent online, since this is entirely written communication. F2F I'm tongue-tied and indecisive, don't know what to say, afraid of saying the wrong thing, so usually saying nothing and making a quick exit.
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 25th, 2009
That sounds very like my brother. Like you, he writes well but in person it's a very different matter. I find him difficult to speak to, yet when we communicate by email or letter he's very expressive. I wonder if there's any way this skill can be improved, I mean some sort of exercise you can do to make speaking to people come more easily. With Asperger's syndrome I guess there's something missing, if I can put it like that, from your natural ability to communicate verbally, but do you think it's at all possible that this could be overcome by learned behaviour, or is that a preposterous suggestion?
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by winkie on November 25th, 2009
With children and teens today there is a method called Applied Behavioral Analysis. I don't know exactly what it involves, but I've read that its effectiveness in helping drops off rapidly beyond the early twenties age group. It may be that,if left untreated long enough a person with AS may have imprinted their own coping mechanism ,like social aversion, too strongly to be changed. The doctor that diagnosed me is of that opinion at least. I don't have a problem with verbal communication, except in social situations. I can lecture for hours on my topics of interest. But it's not a conversation, it's a lecture. In writing I can see what you've written to me, think about it carefully, then carefully craft a thoughtful response. In F2F social situations, I can't instantly come back with a response, very frustrating. I'll either end the conversation with awkward silence or steer it into one of my infamous "lectures" on a topic I'm comfortably expert in. Does this sound familiar?
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 25th, 2009
No pun intended.
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 25th, 2009
It does, yes. I can imagine how it must be for you, from seeing my brother react in the same way. People find it difficult to talk to him because he either doesn't say anything or he completely takes over the 'conversation'. Understandably, that puts people off, because they're not expecting either reaction, they're anticipating an exchange within certain predictable parameters. Some people handle this better than others, and I don't know what enables those who do cope well with it to do so. I would like to learn how to respond to him and to hold a conversation, because in all the years I've known him we've had very few verbal conversations. His letters, as I say, are very erudite and I enjoy reading them, but it's a world apart from my experience of face to face interactions with him. Since meeting you, I feel as if I'm getting to know my own brother better, which is very strange but I'd be so pleased if knowing you helped me to understand him. I'm very grateful to you for that.
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by winkie on November 25th, 2009
Maybe we can help each other. I'm no professional in the field, but over the last 14 months since the diagnosis I've done a lot of studying on this topic. It hasn't helped me improve my social skills or ability to interpret nonverbal expression. The study has given me a better sense of who and what I am. From all I can gather, the only things that can be done for someone diagnosed with AS later in life are based on the individual deciding what skills or behaviors she/he wants to change. I have provisionally decided that my areas needing the greatest attention are social conversation and understanding nonverbal signals. Perhaps in the area of social conversation, we can help each other. You need insight on your brothers condition (which I'm very sure now is AS); what makes him "tick". As you have noticed, my written skills are adequate. What I need is insight into what a friend, particularly a lady, expects from a social encounter or conversation.
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 25th, 2009
I'm making a major effort to set aside fear and suspicion and intentionally making myself vulnerable. I don't want to sound dramatic or frighten you,but you are holding my heart in your hands. Although I'm considerably older than you, my emotional development is that of an adolescent boy. The more personal side of our exchanges can be conducted via e-mail if you prefer. My gratitude to you is infinite for the kindness you have shown me.
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 25th, 2009
I would be delighted to provide any insight you might require. You've helped me considerably already and if I can help at all, please just ask :-)
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by winkie on November 26th, 2009
Thank you so much.Your wisdom and compassion is only exceeded by your beauty. :^)
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 26th, 2009
I don't think you need any help! ;-)
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by winkie on November 26th, 2009
And what's more, you're far too kind, dear sir, I don't deserve such words.
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by winkie on November 26th, 2009
You deserve those and so many more, lovely lady. :^)
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 26th, 2009
If only that were true, but thank you for your generosity. I worry about the day when you find out all my many bad points...
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by winkie on November 26th, 2009
I worry about the same thing. I'm a deeply flawed person IRL. If we were ever to meet F2F you'd end up hating me just like everyone else.
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 26th, 2009
Got your e-mail. I'll answer in a little while. :^)
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 26th, 2009
Thanks for your reply, I hope to respond this evening, but I'm off to Edinburgh for the day. By the way, I resent that remark in your previous post, sir! With all due respect, I think I'll be the judge of who I hate (as it happens, I don't hate anyone, so I wouldn't hate you), and it's often the flaws that make someone more appealing. If I were to hate anyone, it would most probably be someone who was too perfect, as they would make me feel so inadequate.
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by winkie on November 27th, 2009
I humbly apologize for trying to put words in your mouth (or thoughts in your head). I still have this lingering disconcerting thought in my head of "why would this charming, lovely lady want to befriend me?", I feel so utterly unworthy. You're a charming, outgoing person who leads such an interesting life. I'm just an introverted lab rat with the R/L social skills of a ten year old and a life about as interesting as a chalkboard to others.
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 27th, 2009
Your posts do make me smile sometimes, I'm sure you're British, really with your self-deprecating manner! I like you, that's why I want to befriend you. And if you've seen some of my previous posts to other questions you'll know that chalk holds some fascination for me, so a chalkboard is a most enticing prospect! :-)
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by winkie on November 28th, 2009
ROFL. Slate and chalk would be of interest to a geologist. I'm only British by ancestry over 300 years ago, fathers side. Second generation German on mothers side. Self-deprecation comes naturally to me; if I do it to myself others can only agree with me, less painful that way.
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 28th, 2009
I finally returned your e-mail. Collapsed in exhaustion last night. Back may be too troublesome to do anything today.
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 28th, 2009
How are you feeling today? I do hope your back's easing somewhat.
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by winkie on November 28th, 2009
I took a couple of muscle-relaxant pills when I got up this morning (about 7 hours ago) they've done some good. After I grab my lunch,I'm going to tear down the fuel injectors on my 220D. I think my car is older than you are! A 1972 model, bought it when it was 3 years old, been driving it ever since. Almost 1 million km on it (612,000 miles). I've done a lot of work on it and many modifications, one of which I patented. Daimler bought the rights but has never made it an option on passenger cars, only trucks (lorries to you, I guess).
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 28th, 2009
Glad to hear the back's easing, but I hope you don't do any damage this afternoon. I can't believe a car can do 612,000 miles and still be running, are you serious? It's the same age as me if it's 1972. I wonder how many miles I've done. I've been to New Zealand and back from Scotland, which must have clocked up a fair few. I must ask you about patents some time, I don't think I've ever met anyone before who had patented anything. Are trucks the same thing as lorries? I think of a truck as smaller, bigger than a car but smaller than a lorry.
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by winkie on November 28th, 2009
Not only running,but flawlessly. The injectors are back in and the car is no longer a smoker. In my lifetime I've racked up a few miles, too. Europe, Asia, North America. Never been to NZ, I hear it's a beautiful country. Now I'm all confused about UK terminology. We call them all trucks here, regardless of size. I got your e-mail, I'll answer in a little while, but rest assured I don't judge.
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 28th, 2009
Well done! How's your back now? I think we might have started using the word 'truck' because of the influence from across the foam. That's the thing about language, it's always evolving. Thank you for not judging, I'm quite used to it though! I should be in my bed now, I'm just about falling asleep here, it's 22:30. Hope you enjoyed your pizza. :-)
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by winkie on November 28th, 2009
I'll have a nice answer to your e-mail when you awake. Have a good sleep, my dear. :^)
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 28th, 2009
The back's a bit better. I was worried about the sciatica coming back again, but no.
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 28th, 2009
Thank you, you too when the time comes. Night night.x
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by winkie on November 28th, 2009
Glad about the back, that's great. :-)
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by winkie on November 28th, 2009
I'm 5 hours behind you, 1740 here. Sweet dreams. :^)
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 28th, 2009

Thank you. +5 The anonymous part is important to me, as I don't want expressions of gratitude or any other social interaction. Such makes me uncomfortable.
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 21st, 2009

Yes, most of mine are premeditated too. Anonymous is the important thing for me because I have no social skills and don't want to be faced with the complications of gratitude. I don't want anyone to think that I have any ulterior motives. Thanks for the kind answer CP. +5
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 21st, 2009
My one friend Is my husband and my Parrot. My last close friend was in high school in the dawning of mankind. I choose solitude once for the social skills I thought I lacked, and now, retrospectivly, because conditions that usually always come with socializing, just isn't worth it to me, lifes too damn short for sweating the stupid stuff.... no mean? ;)
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by CaRbOnPrOdUcK is Baccuss on November 21st, 2009
I know all too well. I have had exactly zero friends in a lifetime, didn't find out that I have a form of autism until it was "way" too late for any treatment to be effective. So I just sit on the sidelines; if I see someone in a bad situation and there is anything I can do to help, I do it. But it must be anonymous.
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 22nd, 2009
I find it almost makes up for it all, for me anyway, and it's never too late for anything IF you want it enough. I just happen to enjoy being a house mouse, alwa7s have. My birht defect has rendered me emotionally nine or so for the rest of my days. THank goodness for small favors no? hbahahahhahahahahaahhahahaahhaha ;)
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by CaRbOnPrOdUcK is Baccuss on November 22nd, 2009
My little defect is called Aspergers Syndrome. It's just a label though, since nothing can be done about it.
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 22nd, 2009

I like the kind where the recipient never knows who did it. Like anonymously paying a neighbors electric bill so it doesn't get cut off. +5
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on November 21st, 2009

nice +6
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on December 9th, 2009
I wish I could find the inspirational quote I got this from. Years ago my past-life regression therapist sent me a Christmas Card that floored me. The words were so profound, but that is the gist, for now.
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by Sharona Life is a Tale Told by an Idiot on December 9th, 2009
How do they do past-life regression? Hypnosis? BTW, I've been off the booze for a week now.
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by Stranger in a Strange Land on December 9th, 2009
You have! Wow. You are starting to open a new door and that can be really exhilirating and tough if you don't know what to do next. I found myself at times when I thought I had it licked, going straight to the fridge and getting the bottle and saying at the same time "I don't want this shit" and drinking it anyway. I hope you have some tools to help you like AA or at least some self-help books. I'm here too.
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by Sharona Life is a Tale Told by an Idiot on December 9th, 2009
Past Life Regression, incidentally, came to me as I was getting sober. I knew I was on a mission at that time to change. I wanted to get to the root of what death was. It was everything to me. That was why I started to drink in the first place, I had no belief in anything and it was eating me alive. I couldn't just pretend, I had to find out. So I started there. I am able to tap into psychic energy when it comes my way. I knew I was supposed to explore this avenue so I went and answered questions about reincarnation for myself.
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by Sharona Life is a Tale Told by an Idiot on December 9th, 2009

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