No. He has the right to talk to his child and the child has a right to have contact with his father. He fathered this child, so he has to be responsible to him/her. Obviously, he will have to have some contact with the mother of this child since they are both responsible for the child's upbringing. It's unavoidable. I wouldn't feel betrayed as much as I would relieved in this case. Would you rather be dating a guy who abandoned his child? That's not very mature or responsible. He is doing the right thing. How would you feel if he abandoned you or your children down the road? It would be no less fair than if he ceased being a part of this child's life. If his contact with the mother causes some anxiety, I wouldn't worry about it. If there was anything there, they would still be together. They're not. Simple. They do have to communicate because of their child though. If you're feeling insecure in this relationship, you and your boyfriend need to talk about it and work it out. Don't let it eat away at you. Jealousy in a relationship, that can develop from insecurity, is not a good thing. The fact that he has a relationship with his child and must on occasion speak with the mother is not likely to change. So, you two will have to work this out. Hope this helps.

HI there-I too am dating a man who was in a long term relationship and has 2 children aged 2 and 4. I too feel "strange" when he talks to me about them and the mother. I do love him and he loves me-in fact he does nothing to doubt his love for me. He sees his kids every 2 weeks and sees me everday and spends time with me and gives me attention etc..He is a very good person-I believe.I know its my own insecurity and I can't name it-but it causes me to have odd feelings to the point where I don't know how to react and I just become quiet when he tells me whats going on-ie.the mother calls and says she needs money.... I feel that I could accept him and his children in our lives long term.I just want to undertsand better why I feel this way.Any suggestions on perhaps some books or something I could read or some advice. Sometimes I feel like I need someone to say its ok-to be with someone who has kids-as I don't have any.I have also never dated a person with children so I wonder if I am just being silly because I don't know how or what the healthy was is to react?

I don't think it's right to feel that way necessarily, but I would say it's normal. In this situation there's so many feelings that you wish you didn't have but they're there whether you like it or not. I know how it is. Try not to feel too guilty about it. Dating a single parent is so very hard, so cut yourself some slack when it comes to stuff like this. And I've found that confessing these type of things to your partner (not expecting them to change anything, of course they have to talk to their children) but just opening up can make you feel a lot better. Having a strong foundation between you and your partner can make all this difference when dating a single parent.

Wow, I dont understand what is wrong with women. I never hear men ask questions like this it is always the current gf dating a guy with kids from another relationship, and that is where the baby mama drama comes you, new gf create it not the ex. She is proabably perfectly happy and doesnt want your man, she wants him to have a relationship with his kid. I have a baby daddy and he cares more about his gf kid then he does his own daughter, he doesnt even see her and i am sure it is because the gf is jealouse of me. Would you want to date a guy like that, didnt think so. Get over yourself and realize that his kids will always come first and a stable friendship between mom and dad is vital to there growing up

Not at all. You should've accepted that fact before you chose to become his girlfriend. Good luck.

has it really come to this? seriously? betrayed? his child? the childs mother? ...wow i dont mean this rudly, i honestly dont, but why dont you try thinking logicly for a moment. if this guy has a child. who is there now and will be after you are gone. why on earth would you feel betrayed? its a parent and there child. like youre mother or father and you. a spacific unconditional love thats shared betwene a parent and a child. dont get me wrong im going to belive that he loves you too, just in a difrent way. what has happend. why on earth are people so jellous of ther BF or GF's kids. there just kids. the person they loves' kids. it makes me so sick to here this. im going to leave you with a thought, "it takes a village to raise a child" please, this could leave the child and your bf's relationship shattered, i've sene it before. handle this with caution. i dont want someone elce as hurt by there parent as i have been

honestly, no...it's his child, and both he and the child have a right to talk to each other. the mother of the child also has a right to talk to him seeing as the two of them are the birth parents, and they have to show the child that although they may not love each other that way, that they can at least be civil with each other.

No, it's not.. He needs to have communication with his child, and through the child's mother.

Yes we need to help them. GET THEM HELP. Thank you!!!!! I am glad I am not the only one. Guess you have to live it to know the other side

No it's not right. In fact I'd say it's wrong. Imagine for a second how you would feel if your kids father ignored your child for his new girlfriend. Talking to the ex is also necessary. They have a kid together and they need to talk and hopefully they will for the rest of their lives. Get involved with kid. Become friends with the kid and his mother. They are part of your boyfriends life and you can make it easy and nice or hard and miserable.

I received a call from my babies dead beat dad last night complaining about child support and how they had finally found him and apparently its my fault and that i should have warned him, shit i didnt even know. he thinks i turned him in. Think of how you would feel if you had a bf and he didnt see his dad and you had to listen to baby momma because daddy doesnt play an active part in the childs life. I personally dont give a crap if he calls me i will let him take her for a couple hours, no sleepovers he is to inconsistant for anything more and his gf is crazy and he is a drunk and druggy. The term baby momma drama comes from a gf of a guy with a kid with someone else. they are the ones that create the crap in there heads about baby mommas. mind your own business and let the parents tend to the child, dont get in the middle, in the end the kids will win.

oops i keep posting answers and not comments. you can find my other one in here

Your feelings are your feelings, but is not ok if you are feeling betrayed by your boyfriend because he is talking to his child from a previous relationship or the mom of the child. You need to be aware and to accept the fact that this child is going to be in your boyfriend's life and yours too, this child needs the love of his/her dad. If you love your boyfriend you are going to love his child too. I'm pretty sure that if you have a child with this boyfriend and you guys broke up you would want him to see your son/daughter and you would want his new girl to be ok with.

No. Especially his own child. You can accept it or not but you can't make him choose between his own child and new girlfriend.

No, that's a good thing he's doing that. Then if anything ever happens between you two, you know he won't totally ditch you, ya know?

No, his kids come first.

No i dont think so...I am dating a single dad and very much in love with him and it does bother me when he talks to his ex wives (he has 2 kids with 2 different x's) It doesnt bother me when he is in the room or around me but when he tries to be sneaky and make up an excuse and goes outside or just walks out that bothers me and makes me so parranoid....I dont feel betrayed when he talks to his kids however I love when he talks to his kids it makes me know how great of a father he will be to our children (hopefully one day:))

No i dont think so...I am dating a single dad and very much in love with him and it does bother me when he talks to his ex wives (he has 2 kids with 2 different x's) It doesnt bother me when he is in the room or around me but when he tries to be sneaky and make up an excuse and goes outside or just walks out that bothers me and makes me so parranoid....I dont feel betrayed when he talks to his kids however I love when he talks to his kids it makes me know how great of a father he will be to our children (hopefully one day:))

I really hope you meant you are jealous of your bf's ex (which is understandable) However, if you are the least bit jealous of the kid then you need to go find a man without any kids or you will be miserable. Trust me, you will always be #2. If you can't deal, move on so you can be happy! Good luck.

It is not possible to betray one's girlfriend by talking to one's own children. Parents need to communicate with each other about their children - even when they are no longer together. If the communications with the mother are strictly about the children and their needs - then he is not betraying anyone.

Not the kid. The mother, maybe. But not the kid. It depends on how he's talking to the mother.

There is no betrayal here. It is a mans job to see to his family, whether or not they live together and if you aren't comfortable with that than you two shouldn't b together

No, its not right to feel betrayed. They are still (and will always be) a part of his life. You have to learn to deal with that.

Are you sick or mental? You have jealousy issues over your boyfriends CHILD?!?! Now if hes talking to his ex about when to meet for sex... then yeah, time to move on... but damn... Get over it. My wife talks to her children's father (her ex) every few days (about the kids), i could care less. Isn't it better for the children if the parents get along??? or would you rather the father abandon the kids for you?

Let me rephrase that. IT IS HIS KID and regardless of if you like it or not he has to have some sort of speaking relationship with the kids mom - his ex. I dont understand why women are like this. Would you rather he didnt have a relationship with his child at all. There are to many dead beat parents out there and even worse ones that dont get along for the sake of there kids. Mind your business and if you cant handle it then you need to date someone without kids. I am sorry but i would never date a guy who didnt have a decent relationship with his child and that childs mother, it speaks volumes about that persons charactor

I can relate to you its not right but at the same time who wants there man giving attention to any one else but at the same time im sure you knew he had kids before you got involved. i guess thats why they say dont have kids until you are married to avoid these emotions. you yourself know youre wrong already but that doesnt change your feelings about this situation. last but not least if you really love him you gotta get over it cause that child aint going nowhere trust me i know

absolutly NOT

No it's not right. He's being responsible and displaying attributes of responsibility and concern, good things you should be happy about. If anything should concern you it should be that he had a kid before being with you, but maybe I'm just picky.

NO, as the grown up version of one of the kids in those situations...he is betraying them for you. different prespectives all look at the others as traitors. it is NOT COOL. he is stepping up and being a man. accpeting his reponsibilityes as a father, and you should be very proud of him. do you honestly think he likes faceing that woman? the chick that happens to have costudy of his flesh and blood? his child? he is proabaly just putting up with her for the kids sake. personally i think these situations would be so much better if all involved were more mature. my parent faught and bickerd every time my father came to visit me and my 3 siblings. if he can get over it and be with you, his wife can be mature enough to let him visit(i dont know about any court involvment) then i hope you can be understaning and supportive. i understand you view, and i see your point...it is human nature...but please try to understand that the man has a child and he love that kid enough to be a good dad. remember this when you have kids with him, he is a good man, and a nobel father.

No it is not right to feel that way. It is selfish, small-minded, suspicious, and unrealistic.