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by unhappy on March 28th, 2007

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What should i do? Been married 7 years. last 4 years husband has been physically sick so he is unable to work. He plays games all day and does nothing around house but he is well enough to help out. i have to do everything. we have a 5 year old son.

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Answers. 9 helpful answers below.

  • by Mister Sister on March 28th, 2007

    Mister Sister

    Let him know you love him and understand that he may feel a bit depressed about not having work, but that you need his help and his son needs to see him taking an active part. DON'T badger or belittle or harp on him. Empathize. Tell him you don't want it to get to the point where you become resentful,(even if it's already gotten to that stage). Tell him you are afraid if things go on like they have much longer that that may happen and it makes you fearful for all 3 of your futures. You love him so much that you could not bear that.

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  • by ThisAnonymous1 on July 30th, 2009

    ThisAnonymous1

    When my children were in school the rule was: If you are sick enough to stay home, you are sick enough to lie in bed and rest. There were no books, no television, and no games if you were sick. Just rest. I would cause the games to go away. If he is too sick to hold a regular job, but well enough to help out around the house and play games, I would send him out to be a handy man. That way he could work when he felt like it - little odd jobs for seniors or something - and stay home when he didn't.

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  • by Anonymous on March 28th, 2007

    Anonymous

    Sounds as if your husband has just given up. this is your future, unless he decides to turn his life around and accept his disability and at least help, where he can with the housework.

    This is not going to be easy for you. playing games all day, is an escape for your husband, from the real world. he needs a reality check from a psychologist, in order to bring him back on track and back into your life.

    I know you never thought you would be raising a 5 year old child and a male adult, at the same time. you and your child are heading down a deadend street, if your husband does not seek help.

    I assume you still love him and feel for his disability. like i said, this is tough on you.

    Ask your husband to seek psychological help. if he denies this, at least you will know what direction to take next, for you and your child.

    Good Luck. john

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  • by puppylover on March 28th, 2007

    puppylover

    If this is bothering you to the point of leaving. You should talk to your husband and make him understand. Give him some options and if he doen not fulfill them and you can't take it, you will have to decide if your are going to put up with it or if you are going to get out of it. He will never get any better if he does not try. He need to at the very least keep the house and cook meals on most days.

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  • by passerby on March 28th, 2007

    passerby

    It sounds to me like your husband has got himself into a rut. Long term physical illness and a lack of productivity can affect your self esteem. I would encourage him to find a hobby that is away from the game station. See if you can reasonably agree an amount of time that is ok for him to spend on the games without your complaint. Also I'd have a heart to heart, not attacking him, avoid using phrases like 'you don't do...' and 'you are...' instead opting for 'i find that when I'm left to do all the housework i feel resentful and I'd like to feel different' and 'i feel we would be a stronger couple if we..' etc, allow him to speak without interrupting him to, ensure he feels his opinions are very important to you. compliment him as soon as he does something, anyting positive and really give him reward for that. I believe that positive attitudes breed positive attitudeds. I really do recognise how one sided you feel this is and I think the best way to change that is by constructive communication. I would be prepared for very small changes at first but keep plugging away at it.

    If it gets you no-where I'd suggest you consider relationship guidance. We used it to help my husband settle in to being a stepdad (it can be hard sometimes) and we found their support and resources invaluable. Good luck.

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  • by Jamaican on March 28th, 2007

    Jamaican

    i think you kinda already know the answer, but you just want justification for it, ur husband needs to be a "house wife", if he is able to, he needs to be the one cleaning up, doing dishes, laundry etc, give him an ultimatum put up, or get put out

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  • by Spicy Hot on July 30th, 2009

    Spicy Hot

    This is a tough one, he is depressed, no doubt, I hope he is getting help with that.

    I would talk to him, and say, Mike, we are a family, and we all have to do participate and do things to make this family work, and WE all have to help around the house that WE live in, it is completely unfair for you to leave the whole burden on me, I am not super woman, I can not take care of everything while you sit there and do nothing.

    Then tell him what you expect him to do, spell it out for him, Give him specific chores that are his. If that fails take the game system and throw it away.

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  • by Singingismystyle on March 28th, 2007

    Singingismystyle

    I think you need to have a talk with him, and let him know how you feel. You should not have to do everything on your own. Working outside the home, in the home, and having to clean up after everybody is definetly not easy. He is definetly not setting a good example for your child. I think this situation needs to stop or else. Follow your instincts and don't be afraid, and follow through.

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  • by james.freakin.curtis on July 30th, 2009

    james.freakin.curtis

    That's terrible. I'm fourteen right now, and the very same thing happened to me right now. My dad was with my mom, and my dad was/is sick (physically) and my mom just left him, and I only get to see my dad on occasions now. My mom is married now, and my dad can't get a job because no one is accepting him.

    Now, I feel guilty because this probably didn't help. But, I will be praying for you and your husband.

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