Since the custody change, it’s VERY rare that he gets a babysitter to go out with me.Less than once a month. Most of our dates are late at night after the kids are in bed, or they involve the kids. The kids are older (almost 16, 12, and 11) and they are great kids. We do family stuff, and that’s all great. My relationship with the kids feels stronger than my relationship w/ him. I’ve brought this up, but I don’t get much of a response from him. This weekend was an example. He had to work on Halloween and asked if I’d take the kids trick or treating, so I did and we had a good time. Since he has been working hard lately, I did some house cleaning for him, carved a pumpkin and roasted the seeds, and started a pot of spiced cider to get the fall feeling in the house and help out. The job he was working ended at 10pm, so I expected w/travel time that he’d be home at about 11-11:30pm. Well, he didn’t get in until after 1am, and I was texting him trying to figure out when he planned on getting back (we don’t live together, so I had to get home to my own bed, and my dog and all that). I asked him the next day if he wanted to come over some night this week and make dinner with me – just the 2 of us. And I got a “maybe”. He has problems planning and making time commitments. I understand that he doesn’t know what’s going to come up w/ the kids, so he doesn’t want to make a commitment he might have to break, but I’m sort of at a loss here. I appreciate that he trusts me with the kids well enough to trust that nothing is going wrong while he’s out, but I want to be the love of his life, not just the coolest possible-step-parent ever. Afterall – someday the kids will grow up and leave. Any thoughts/suggestions? As background, we're both already divorced once.