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by abcdefgh on March 15th, 2005

abcdefgh

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My deepest fantasy is to see my girlfriend with another man, but I can't seem to go through with it. Why might I be hesitant to go through with this?

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Answers. 12 helpful answers below.

  • by mikado on October 1st, 2009

    mikado

    understandable insecurity. a guy saying he likes his girl to be 'taken' by other men is not quite conventional dinner party conversation! i USED to be quite open about my tastes in this regard, but i never came accross a single other male who was like-minded... indeed the majority of men cannot begin to get their heads around such an idea, and some are quite disturbed by the idea, and many find it quite offensive!! now i just keep it to myself, when talking to men, but i do still tell women - from whom the reaction is almost polar! of, say, 20-odd women in whom i have confided, only one found it offensive, and the rest, at worst, were intrigued... and more than a couple really got-in to the idea, BIG TIME!

    i think that the ground-rule of total freedom for the girl, but total fidelity from the guy DOES make the starting-position a very comfortable one for the girl - in that its pretty much have-your-cake-and-eat-it stuff for her, without having any worries about the man 'straying'. more than once i have heard the words "no brainer" and "dream deal"!

    i've probably had 8 'proper' relationships, and of these 5 have involved the girl taking me at my word, and taking advantage of this freedom, sometimes only occasionally, and in two instances it became as regular as weekly! i'm friends with all of them still.

    i, personally, find it a heady combination of fun, dangerous, exciting, naughty, and very fulfilling (for her particularly - pardon the pun!). there ARE risks, but thats qute a big part of what makes it what it is. i have no horror stories to tell, indeed neither i nor the girls regret any of it.

    it DOES need to be consensual - you can bring someone round to the idea (who was nervous at the start), but my advice would be that FORCING someone is pointless. persuasion is fine, and often necessary due to social and moral conditioning, but if someone is really just not up for it... and they end up going along with you just for YOU... well its not a good position to start from.

    good luck!

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  • by HungryGuy on June 30th, 2005

    HungryGuy

    You have what's called a Cuckold fetish. Does your girlfriend know of your fetish? Is she agreeable to it? If yes to both, you could both join a fetish or BDSM club where you could find a third partner to try out your fetish, under safe conditions.

    Fetish clubs often have mixer parties (called Munches) for people to mix and get to know each other...

    By the way, I'm not affiliated with either of these clubs and don't endorse any particular clubs over any others. I just thought I'd mention two of my favorite clubs.

    Paddles in New York City (www.paddlesnyc.com) is a BDSM club with lots of dungeon space that's open to the general public on Friday nights.

    Eros Connection in Cleveland (www.erosconnection.com) is a swingers club that is open to new members on Thursday nights. Pre-registration and pre-payment is required.

    Admission to either of these clubs isn't cheap, but I guarantee you'll have a fun time!

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  • by seanjane on January 27th, 2010

    seanjane

    Hi Jane here. Sean regularly watches me with other guys. It is relly good fun and Sean really gets off on it. He loves to have me after and evens cleans me up, this obviously gets me off as well. So happy holidays, its good for both of us.

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  • by Anonymous on September 1st, 2009

    Anonymous

    Insecurity. I have been with a married couple and there was no jealousy or insecurity. They were doing it for the fun and excitement of it. No hangups and lots of fun.
    Why do you want to do it, to satisfy her or is this your fantasy that she would do for you. Does she even know of this fantasy? If she knows, would she want to do it?

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  • by watcher on November 15th, 2007

    watcher

    There's nothing wrong with sharing your girlfriend with another man if you're both ok with it.
    If you're prepared to use a plastic penis on her then what's wrong with the real thing? As long as you both realise that you love one another and no third person can get emotionally involved with her.
    I say have as much fun as you can, or you'll have regrets when you're old.

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  • by alieninastrangeland on April 18th, 2007

    alieninastrangeland

    Perhaps you subconsciously realize that you have no way to predict the outcome or the long term effects on your relationship. I agree that some things one can never take back --you can't unring a bell so to speak.

    Yes, cultures do change. Unfortunately they do not always change for the better.
    Rome was a pretty OPEN MINDED society and down the toilet of history it went.

    I think in this time of instant gratification we THINK we have to act on every "DEEP (or not so deep) FANTACY' but we really don't. I am sure you could have a very satisfying sex life if you never acted this one out.

    Choice and self control are options.

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  • by CONNIE on February 24th, 2007

    CONNIE

    quite simple , there are somethings you can never take back.

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  • by Anonymous on September 12th, 2009

    Anonymous

    Just remember, sex is only a physical thing. I shared my last wife with a few other men because we were very secure and both liked it. My girlfriend now and I tried 2 threesomes with men. She didn't like it, so we tried it with a woman. I really prefer a theesom with another woman, but I also like it with a man. As long as both partners agree, it's cool. We only did it with a woman once, but she wants to find more women. She doesn't care if I have sex with other women, as long as she is there. She wouldn't want me to have sex with women on the side and I wouldn't think of it anyway. As long as you do it together, it's not cheating. We are both against that.

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  • by Pointeman1 on March 25th, 2005

    Pointeman1

    It's usually 3 reasons:

    1) Possessiveness: Perhaps you've not yet overcome your possessiveness for your girlfriend. One of the most difficult things for anyone to do is to let go of considering the one they love as a possession of theirs.We live in a society in which your other half is really considered property. However once you look at it from her point of view. Once you see how much it could possibly please both of you, you might just decide to take the plunge.

    2) Fear: Fear of the unknown is only natural. You and your girlfriend are contemplating going where neither of you has hever been before. But you've both overcome your fears before or else you'd never have become boyfriend and girlfriend!

    3) Cultural Upbringing: Despite all the proclamations of how free we are, we live in a very sexually immature and uptight society. All of us have been affected to some degree by way of society's determination to make us all the same. One family; One husband; One Wife forever and always.. Anything outiside of that is sinful, evil, wrong, etc.

    Cultures and Societies do change and grow as ours is. What might help both you and your girlfriend would be to contact an experienced polyamory couple and let them guide you both along the way. You might want to try contacted NASCA (North American Swing Clubs Association). There you'll find many couples of all ages who are active and glad they've included others into their personal lives. NASCA's URL is: <http://nasca.com/>

    Whatever you and your girlfriend decide, Best Wishes!

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  • by Anonymous on August 13th, 2005

    Anonymous

    (1) Dress up like another man
    (2) Video tape yourself and your girlfriend together
    (3) Dump her for seeing another guy. After all, you have the tape to prove it.
    (4) Find your another girlfriend who already has a boyfriend.
    (5) Dress up like another girl.
    (6) Watch your new girlfriend have sex with her boyfriend.

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  • by alieninastrangeland on April 18th, 2007

    alieninastrangeland

    Perhaps you subconsciously realize that you have no way to predict the outcome or the long term effects on your relationship. I agree that some things one can never take back --you can't unring a bell so to speak.

    Yes, cultures do change. Unfortunately they do not always change for the better.
    Rome was a pretty OPEN MINDED society and down the toilet of history it went.

    I think in this time of instant gratification we THINK we have to act on every "DEEP (or not so deep) FANTACY' but we really don't. I am sure you could have a very satisfying sex life if you never acted this one out.

    Choice and self control are options.

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by jaffacake2000 on October 6th, 2009

    jaffacake2000

    the reason the rest, at worst, were intrigued was because they were all whores and prositutes.

    just leave your g/f with a body builder (sexy hunk) then let her take him to bed while you stand hiding in a closet / cubbard

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