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by anonymousjoeriver on March 24th, 2007

anonymousjoeriver

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I have a girlfriend, but I have recently met a girl that I really like. She has a great personality and I don't feel as much attraction towards my girlfriend since I met this new girl. I think my girlfriend's life would fall apart without me. What do I do

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Answers. 22 helpful answers below.

  • by MotherGoose on March 24th, 2007

    MotherGoose

    I asked my husband what he would do in this situation. He said to stay with the girlfriend because the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I would not make any decisions right away. Sometimes someone new can seem exciting and interesting only to become ordinary after spending more time with them. If you have a history with your girlfriend and you found her attractive before meeting his new girl I would suggest you set aside your feelings for the new girl and concentrate on your current relationship. Only set the relationship aside after you have given it every opportunity to work. This way if you do leave the relationship, you will not have any regrets.

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  • by Nom de guerre on March 24th, 2007

    Nom de guerre

    Her life will not "fall apart" without you. Nice ego you have, there!

    If you don't want to be with someone, you shouldn't be with them - not only for your sake, but also for hers. She deserves to be able to move on with her life.

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  • by Ender is back.. And slightly confused. on October 2nd, 2007

    Ender is back.. And slightly confused.

    Don't leave the one you love for the one you like, because the one you like will leave you for the one they love.

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  • by A on December 10th, 2008

    A

    I personally think that you do love your girlfriend. I don't think that you really like this new girl as much as you think you do. It's probably one of those situations where the grass seems greener on the other side of the fence. She's new on the scene. You haven't had time to become familiar with her. She appears exciting and different. Remember that everyone has problems, including her. The initial feeling of lust has probably worn off with your girlfriend and that's why you feel like there's not as much attraction to her as there used to be. That does not mean you don't love her anymore. Personally, I think your "I really like this new girl" or whatever crap means (or at least it seems like it means) that it's all based on lust. Remember, you just met her. Forget about her. You obviously want to be with your girlfriend. If I'm way off base, please tell me. If it makes you feel any better, you're not the only one who has been in that situation. I've talked to other people who have been in that kind of situation, too, including girls about their boyfriends.

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  • by Yeahwell... on October 2nd, 2007

    Yeahwell...

    First of all you are not responsible for keeping your girlfriends life together. Secondly, you are not doing her any favors by misleading her. You should give her the chance to find someone else that really cares about her. Don't waste your time and hers, tell her nicely how you feel and be happy.

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  • by The Wade on September 24th, 2007

    The Wade

    welcome to the confusing and difficult world of commitment.

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  • by steveinthesun on April 9th, 2007

    steveinthesun

    There is a "oldie but goodie" song called: "It's sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along"...England Dan and John Ford Coley....a great song..listen to the lyrics and you might find your answer....once you find a mate....you'll ALWAYS come across others in your life that you THINK would be a better choice for you...but understand.....it isn't always better!

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  • by MTank411 on March 24th, 2007

    MTank411

    If you were “in love” with your girlfriend what you might be expressing towards the other girl is lust, but if there wasn't anything true there towards her then maybe its best for the both of you that you break up and see if you find anything with the other girl.

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  • by Jamie on December 10th, 2008

    Jamie

    I was in the exact same situation. With my boyfriend for 4 years and fell hard for this other guy. I wanted to test out my feelings by spending the day with this new guy, behind my boyfriend's back, I convinced myself as long as it stayed friendly whats the big deal. Well I ended up having to string together a bunch of lies to keep the friendly date from my boyfriend. He suspected something was going on, went into my cell, and called me out. He broke up with me and now all his friends and family think I'm a lier and a cheater.

    LESSON: Be honest about these feelings if you chose to act on them in any way!!!

    GOOD LUCK, don't let it get messy the way I did.

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  • by gerry on December 8th, 2008

    gerry

    Be honest thats the best policy youll be a better man for it

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  • by science_geek on December 8th, 2008

    science_geek

    In matters of the heart you have to follow your heart. Do it with integrity. Be honest and open with your girlfriend about how you feel. Once you have done that then you should go for it with the one you really want.

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  • by ladyshakespeare on December 8th, 2008

    ladyshakespeare

    whatever you chose to do, i hope that you will be man enough to end one relationship before moving on.

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  • by Theoneilove? on December 8th, 2008

    Theoneilove?

    well thank you everyone for posting their feelings about this very tender subject and unfortunately I am finding myself in the same scenario. I have begun to become a much more sentimental and lyrically inclined person trying to vent these feelings of lust from my heart before I make any decisions i will later regret. To add even further I have been watching my fair share or romantic comedies that deal with spur of the moment dump their girlfriend and go out with the newbie type of thing. I want to look at all of this as signs of what I should do and I am reaching out for other peoples wisdom to make a life altering decision.

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  • by texandw on December 7th, 2008

    texandw

    dear karaaaaaaa Wow ur only fifteen and u have this much wisdom? At such an early age wow. You're right about the likewise feelings with the girl and having friendly thoughts of another guy even though things are "apparently good" with the relationship. I think even though "everythings peachy" The wandering eye still persists! Stay on tap with ur gut instinct!!

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  • by karraaaaaaaaa on March 26th, 2008

    karraaaaaaaaa

    hey, i'm only fifteen, but i think that if you found someone who you really like, you should go for her! it doesn't necessarily mean that you don't like your girlfriend, just that you've found someone who you feel is more compatible with you. your girlfriend will get over you- i don't mean to sound harsh, sorry.. but she will. i don't think she would want to be with someone who isn't truly happy with her anyway, so i think it would be best for you to move on; sooner or later, she'll do the same. you may even be surprised to find that she feels the same about someone else as you do about the other girl you described, the 'new girl.' if you talk it over with your girlfriend, you might both be surprised to have the same feelings.. sorry for rambling, i talk a lot :) hope it works out for the best for all three of you!!

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  • by branciforte3241 on December 10th, 2008

    branciforte3241

    If your girlfriend met someone that she "really likes", and she was no longer attracted to you, what would you want her to do? Would you want her to stick around just because she was afraid that you would fall apart without her? That doesn't seem healthy to me.

    Here's what you do: Ask yourself what this new girl has that your girlfriend does not. Whatever it is is probably some quality that you wish you had. Is there a way for you to develop that quality in yourself without dumping the current girlfriend?

    or maybe the new girl is just a better match for you. There's almost always someone better. Love is messy.

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  • by Kristine197 on March 7th, 2011

    Kristine197

    It's probably too late for this, but you need to be a man in this situation. Everything in Love is all about Fate. She's just your Girlfriend, so technically, you are free to like someone else. If you stayed because of your worry, I don't think it would be fair for both of you. If you felt you'd be happy with someone else, you need to be honest with your self. Accepting this, it wouldn't be fair to stick around and fool each other around. This New Girl might be the One, and you might miss the chance by letting her pass because you are Afraid. In Love, Happiness always takes some Risk, and without having the heart for it, you'll just end up like anyone else, Unhappy in Love. Btw, Good Luck!

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  • by Anymouse10679011 on December 10th, 2008

    Anymouse10679011

    I think you are still attracted to your girlfriend, so there is still hope there. When you say you think her life would fall apart without you, it sounds maybe she has some issues which feel like they're draining your energy? How long have you been together, if you don't mind me asking?

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  • by Classics on November 30th, 2009

    Classics

    Im in the same situation right now. I looked for this question cause i know how you feel bud. I just dont want to leave my girlfriend to find out i still love her but i dont want to stay and find out i dont or the other girl to move on or something like that. I dont know man, love hurts.

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  • by sanna10 on December 19th, 2009

    sanna10

    I've made this mistake before. I've left my girlfriend for someone i liked,(and i am completely IN LOVE with her) then ended up getting dumped or they just decided "Hey, since i already got you, i don't need you anymore." And she also wanted to try dating again, but it didn't work out. You are just feeling lust towards this new girl. It's like a new toy, its NEW and EXCITING cause you DONT know how it works, so you want to find out how it does. But that is the problem, if you love your girlfriend and she loves you, i think its best you stay with her. You still, deep down in side love her just as much as you did before you met this girl. Just make a smart choice. Goodluck.

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  • by Anonymous on July 20th, 2009

    Anonymous

    Do you love your girlfriend? Cause you may just have a crush on this girl. You may just have a lot of lust toward her that is clouding your image of your girlfriend. This girl is a definite threat to your relationship so if you think the right thing to do is still be with your gf, then i would sort of distance yourself from this other girl. Think about it: you may leave your girlfriend for this other girl and it could be the biggest regret. You dont know how this girl really is if she were in a relationship with you. On the contrary, you cant only stay with your gf cause she would be upset if you left her. You have to know what you really deep down want. Again i stress though: Dont mistake lust for really liking someone.

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  • by stranger12 on July 20th, 2009

    stranger12

    What did you like about your girlfriend when you first met her? What made you want to date her? What has changed in your relationship since then?
    After a while most relationships seem to suffer a low, but it is up to you and your girlfriend to keep things interesting, and adventurous.
    Have you had doubts about your relationship before, or just since you met the new girl?

    Define "great personality".
    Define "don't feel as much attraction".

    Did your girlfriend say that "her life would fall apart without you" or is it your assumption? A statement like that should never been taken likely. Some people are able to deal with a break-up alone, others require help from family or friends to overcome a stressful and hurtful situation like that.
    What kind of person is your girlfriend? Does she have a stable personality, good self-esteem, and does she feel secure about herself? Is she even-tempered, or depressed? How is her relationship with her family?

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