Our project team has an external team member working on the project, who does not report to me directly. In any discussion, he wouldnt listen to me, but rather speak as if he is preaching me. This boils my blood sometimes. Is he adamant or is it my ego?
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raytex
ANSWERS: 3
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I suppose you have a choice; either confront him or accept him as he is. You might talk with him and ask what his goal is, what he considers to be the goal of the project team and how does he feel everyone can best achieve that goal. Then ask him to help you map out a strategy that will accomplish what (presumably) you both want. As the meetings continue, if he continues to "preach", ask him how he feels he is helping move the team forward toward the goal. If you have problems with his attitude/approach, tell him and ask him if you are misunderstanding. He may feel uncomfortable being the odd-man out and is merely trying to establish a position for himself. But ask him for help rather than confront him. Works better.
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I think it's probably a "power struggle"... i.e. he probably is condescending, and you resent that, so then you do whatever you do as a reaction, which feeds his need to be condescending some more... a vicious circle. It's hard to say exactly what you should do -- so much depends on your personality, your boundaries, etc. But it is reasonable to expect that people who work with you should be professional and respectful, and if he's not doing that it's reasonable to "push back". I recommend starting gently and then increasing the volume gradually until the message penetrates.
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It sounds like he is, or at least considers himself to be, a "consultant" rather than a "team member". After all, if you're the team leader (as your Q implies), then he should be reporting to you, shouldn't he? If the clash is severe enough, and if his input to the team is less than what he takes away from you and your ability to lead the team, then I'd ask management to have him removed. No sturm und drang, no fireworks, just "no longer required; thank you for your service".
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