What's it like to have a Father or a Dad? I never had one, but always wanted one. (I had plenty of uncles, but unfortunately, I never had a Father or a Dad & I've always been too shy to ask anyone what it's like to have one, but I'm anonymous, here.)

Well . . .

you start out loving dad and looking up to him, thinking he is the greatest guy in the world and able to do anything

then you start getting older and discover he isn't perfect and all knowing, you start to take him with a grain of salt

for awhile he becomes this person who is around, but kinda at the edge of things, he works all the time or does stuff around the house - he can be counted on to kill bugs, check out scary noises at night, and yell about weird things [like if he scuffs his shoe on the stairs.]

once in awhile he does something really cool and great, then he does something really hurtful/annoying/embarassing

you still look up to him and want his approval

then you become a teenager, and he can now annoy you by just breathing really loudly while you try to eat dinner [errrrr, still gets me annoyed thinking about that one]

this gets worse as you age, he treats you like you're still 7 years old and clueless, even if you DO know what you're doing, you learn to nod and smile.

finally, you move out of his house and get your own life - suddenly he returns to being that cool guy who knew all kinds of things and actually helps you with things without making you feel like an idiot

That sums up my relationship with my dad so far.

if you are on this site I garauntee you had a father, the technique for producing artificial sperm is still in the development stages and one could argue that even if the source was a woman she would be your father... a dad is something entirely better but I do not know how to truely answer this.
for the moment my son does not have a mom and I hope to find him one soon.

My dad was one of the strongest people in mind and body I have ever met.It didn't always make for hugs and warm fuzzy feelings that we'd share like one would see in the movies.He was TOUGH!
Do I love him?Yes!He taught me so much and it has enabled me to overcome some pretty scary things.He has done more than any parent could for his children.
He recently gave me a gift that I will treasure to my dying day.I respect and admire that man more than anything.He died this morning after a long battle with lung cancer.
The gift was a conversation :)
RIP

Well it depends, I know people that hate their dad. They don't event talk.

As for me, my dad is my best friend. We do alot of things together. He is always there to help me when I need it. And I am always there for him. He is my mentor. He is ussually the person I ask for advise first. Don't get me wrong, we have had or share of arguments, but I would trade him for anything. Our relationship is difficult to describe. I will be lost when he is gone.

My dad gets very disappointed in me sometimes..and that doesn't feel good!

Well...it's not allways something that it's cracked up to be...some parents don't fullfil their role very well...so don't think your missing out. My 14yr old sons dad was killed when my boy was only 15mths old...so he never had that bond with a father...but he has a few good male role models and thats the best you can do or sometimes thats better than having a biological dad. It would be great if you could 'adopt' a good Dad...like people adopt children. I'm sure you are loved by your male relatives ...just relish that!

My dad was my rock.
He provided for the family, and was always supportive.

He taught me how to ride my first bike, took me swimming, played sports with me and encouraged me in any way he could. As a teenager he taxied me around to keep me safe, and was always there for me.

Sadly he was killed in a road traffic accident by a speeding driver.

This was many years ago, but the pain is still with me. I feel privileged to have had a father who made me what I am today.

Never had a mom well she was around me when I was a kid. She is a narcissist who does drugs stealing my money in order to get then. She was also a liar and always sick I mean very messed up. She is also a hypochondriac. She was the most selfish people I meet so I don't consider my mom and I hate her. Hope this makes you feel better.

Its unfortunate you could not experience the joy and support that only a father could give - no matter what your age is.
My father was around till 7 years ago till he passed away at the age of 81. The first 20 years of my life and the last 20 years of his life we had been together.
All through the period we lived in the same house and also during the times I was away working elsewhere, my father had been the greatest support for me. Anytime I was in doubt as to what I must do - I always took his advise and found the solutions offered by him invariably worked to the benefit of all concerned. He was always glad to share his life experiences including his close interactions with his father and others in the family as also his friends.
We used to play chess whenever we found a few hours of free time. It was indeed a great experience to have the reassuring presence of a father. Nothing could equal it.
And I am sure my presence during his old age was very much appreciated by him.
Sons always have a very special relationship with fathers. I have done my best to describe it here.

It is good to have a dad. Mine has his faults. I will say that he does love my mom and us kids. I love him, too. I hope you can find a father soon.

+5

Well, if you had my dad you would be mentally scarred for the rest of your life. Alcoholic/bipolar (who refuses treatment), physically abusive, dictator so I am not the best judge, but I hear it's really wonderful sometimes!

Imagine someone 4-5 times your weight who whips your ass for things a little as not finishing your homework. It kind of blows.

i LOVED my dad. always made everyone laugh. when we got in trouble he let everything slide and just gave a talk about importance or whatever. i was smoking pot once and i walked up the drive way with my eyes redder than the devil himself and he just laughed... good dad.

I'm the same as you I have had a dad. But I see my grandad as my dad since hes the one who has been there for me and looked after me.

Depends on the "father" or the "dad"! Some I've seen are NOT deserving of children!

I have a wonderful father. He has been there for me through the good times and the bad. I can count on him for just about anything. My parents divorced when I was 3 and he asked for custody of me and got it. For a few years it was just us, then he met my step mom who had 2 kids and he raised them as well. As I said I have been through tough times, I am doing well now, and we are still close. I am blessed to have a good family and to have had a good childhood. My dad is a good man.

I have thought this thru more, and reviewed the other answers again, and realize how lucky I was. I grew up on a dairy farm in upstate NY, about 70 to 80 cows, and my father and grandfather busted their butts to make it successful and they expected me, as oldest son, to do the same. It was nothing unusual in the summer on any day to do all the normal farm work and put in 5000 bales of hay. My mother and grandmother would bring us sandwiches and drinks and we would sit on the ground and shoot the breeze. There was always a lot of love and mutual respect. And my father loved fun. I would be working away in the barn and feel a cold stream of water across the back of my neck and my father would be in a doorway or window with the bigggest grin on his face with one of the plastic syringes we used to use to treat the cows. He would wash one out and fill it with cold water just for the fun of it. We also had snowmobiles and we all tended to be daredevils and we took some risks, that in hindsight, were kind of dumb, but it was fun at the time. Once I was riding with him and we were sliding around on some ice doing 360's.If you are not familiar with a snowmobile the second riders holds on to the driver. Well, we ran out of ice and hit a patch of rough ground and the snowmobile overturned, throwing both of us off. I was still holding on to my father and when we hit the ground, all 180 pounds of him landed right on my right knee. It hurt so bad I started to "gray out", that area where your on the verge of passing out, but not all the way there. I could feel someone tugging on my clothing to get a look at my leg when I heard my father say, and I still remember his words " I probably broke the damned thing". The thought went thru my mind, he's hurting too, so I've got to suck it up right now. I rolled over and pushed myself up and said I was ok. I wasn't exactly steady and my knee swelled to the size of a basketball but I stood up for him. That's awfully longwinded, but I think that sums up what having a good dad means to me. For him, I'll suck it up when I need to regardless of what happens. I was one of the lucky ones.

I'm not sure what it's like to have a dad, he and my mom split up when I was 3 1/2 and I haven't seen or heard from him since.

Very good question Mensan. +3

Those weren't the answers I expected either. I was blessed with a great dad. He was a heck of a hard worker and family always came first, but he also loved to have fun.Baby Blue nailed it with her last comment on families. There's always room for one more. I am going to think this thru a lot more, because I can't imagine what some of these people have experinced or what life would be without a father. I lost him when I was 12, so he never had a chance to grow old and do anything annoying, like one of the other answers, but for 12 years I lived a near perfect childhood. More after I think this over.

Depends on what kind of father you end up with. With me it was the picker of fights, the drinker and smoker and whiner. Having a father has been nothing but a drain of finances and energy.

A dad was that man who carried you on his shoulders when you were too tired to walk or you needed to see what going on when all the people blocked your view. A dad will teach you how to do all the things guys do like throwing a ball, riding a bike, using a tool.

A dad will hold you in his lap as you feel his herculean arms squeeze you and some times tickle you. A dad will take you places you never knew existed and make you feel like a king for a day.

A dad will teach you how to love someone who is special.

And a dad will teach you what it is like to grow old and make you realize that life is just too damn short.

Become a father and you will find this all out. I hope this helps...

i wouldn't know. i didn't have a dad either.

I found mine two years ago. It is very odd meeting a stranger I look like and share the same love of jazz. So my answer is that it is very bizarre and strange.

Well to me it was someone who ensured the money was brought in for my mother and me. However he is/was quite bullish. I suppose to many its a figure that guides your through you life and gives you answers i.e. what career path to take and supports you in your life and helps you through lifes decision. I have been a constant dissapointment to mine, wrong choices in life, husband etc., He belittled my husband because he was a high earner than him and when my mother passed he locked horns big style with my husband I became the one in the middle and my husband learnt the traits from my father how to bully and manipulate me. Both are kept distant now. I tolerate my father, but its always about money and status in life etc., We all cant be those types of people and I personally have kept him a distance from me because he brings out my insecurites. I left my husband in 1996 and to this day I have never had my father in my home nor spent Christmas with him. My home wouldnt be good enough. Although my neighbours are teachers, managers and educated people, so why am I failure?

I was left alone to find a home for myself with no support or guidance, (we all need that) all that time ago and I know he wont think I have done well enough and made the wrong decision - so its best to keep it that way.

So I reckon for some people its good, but for others bad.

Mine being the later, I knows he's waiting for me to fail and that isnt a good thing for me and is a constant thought on my mind (failure is not an option)

Thats my motto

A mother is a better figure in your life, she has different feelings for you and projects it in a better way. I know from your threads you had a special one just like me.

My exes father died when he was 15 and he blames the lack of guidance or a father at that time for his failures in life and brought/brings it up at every occasion.

+5

As you are probably seeing by the various answers you are receiving, there is no definitive answer to this, everyone's experience is different. Some people's lives have been enhanced by having a father in their lives and some people would have had a much better life without one, it all depends on the individual father in question.

You can have mine.

I'm sorry this has left you bothered and sad. Sometimes it's better not to have had one around and think perhaps of good things that might have happened, than to have had an abusive one. I had a great dad, I miss him more than words can say. He wasn't just my dad he was my best friend. This pain has changed me, a part of me will 4-ever be missing. So if I didn't have one I wouldn't have to live with this. I don't know my friend, everyone has something they wish they could change or wish they knew about. I guess we have to play the cards we are dealt and WIN! (((HUGS)))

i wouldn't know. my father abandoned me.

Well, hard to describe with no reference point...but, you say you have uncles and plenty of them. That is good...and also a reference point. Think about your uncles. Which would you consider your "favorite" and why? Which do you think is most like a "dad" or that you imagine a dad would be like. I know, this is difficult ...and hypothetical. I had a very close relationship with my dad, but it was not really until I was about thirteen or fourteen that we really became "friends". Oh, he was always my "father" and I knew he was a good guy and loved us all. But, he was a busy man and a professional man. He worked long hours and was away a lot. We had family time and outings and trips when he had the time. And he and I had our times together...camping and fishing...but they were not that often. But, he always seemed to trust me. I was told to help my mom and do well in school and stay out of trouble and all that. And I had more responsibilities and 'jobs' as I grew older. But when I was about fourteen, he got to be home more because he was a supervisor now and was in administration in his work and was based at home. Things changed a lot then. He and I spent a lot more time together. It was a little awkward for both of us at first because we had not been with each other that much. I respected him and loved him, but I did not really "know" him, nor did he know me. I was into sports at school and he would come and watch the games, basketball...and baseball in summer. I knew he had been a great athlete in high scchool and he would give me pointers on things. And when he would say that I had played a good game...it gave me a lot of pride. When I was about fifteen, we were on the lake together with one of my uncles, fishing, and just talking about this and that. He popped a beer and just handed it over to me, matter of fact, without stopping the conversation. I realized at that moment that I had "arrived" in his eyes. And he was doing it in front of a witness. It may not seem like much, but from that point on, we talked all the time...about everything...school, girls, sex, what a man needs to know, what a man does and does not do..you name it. Open field. That is when my "father" became my "old man"...my best friend. That's enough for now. The story is longer, but it gets too personal and you would not really be interested. I gave you the best stuff.

Mensan, it all depends on the circumstances. My father was, and is still married to my mom, but he is lazy, blames everthing on everyone else, and constantly makes excuses for himself, he does not work, and my grandma pays his bills. He was emotionally/verbally/somewhat physically abusive to my family. I love him because I have to, I do not like him as a person. My mom is still with him, but he is an ass to her, and wish they would get a divorce. That is my perspective. My husband is a great husband and father, I thank lady luck everyday that I found him.

The first 11 years of my life, I had a "father". He probably did more damage to me psychologically than just about anything, or anyone else, could - without trying.

I am a father now, and am hyper vigilant about not repeating my dad's mistakes. I also have the blessing of raising my daughter by myself, and things have been this way for most of her life. She's awesome, in spite of my sometimes clumsy attempts at being both parents to her.

She only recently got to meet her Mom again, after a 3 year hiatus imposed on us by her mothers... lifestyle. She is adjusting well, but still asks for me when she's sick or tired or scared. The way most kids ask for their mothers.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because I've struggled with father abuse / abandonment issues my entire life, and I came to the realization (after being a parent myself for almost 7 years now) that while it is important to have both parents in your life, if possible - the quality of the relationship is more important than anything else.

Some people just aren't meant to be parents.

You need a license to operate a motor vehicle, own certain firearms, even to fish - but not to be a parent. There are no tests to weed out the bad parents - and unfortunately, some people pro-create without thinking about what it really means to do so.

So I would say that you are blessed to have uncles and whomever else raised you in your life. As much as you may want it, you can't change the past - especially for things that were never your decision to make. It's not something you get over, it's just something you learn to live with.

Father's can be a great source of knowledge, advice, support and love - as can other family members. It's hard to have a hole in one's life of that magnitude, but sometimes the absence is better than the presence.

Damn. I feel kinda bad, now that I see who authored this Q. I didn't know that about you, Mensan. I mean, you're right of course. You are anonymous here. Even so, I feel a certain amount of compassion for you because we've interracted.

The thing is, when you live without one or both parents, you tend to idealize what it would be like to have one. 90% of people did not have an ideal parent. Gestating and sperm donating do not dismiss personal issues. When you look around, you'll see what I mean. There are truly some screwed up people walking around! Mental illness notwithstanding, they didn't do that to themselves. It took years to cultivate, and started in the home in which they grew up.

The not-so-good news is that you are missing part of your script. The good news is that you didn't have to start below sea level and claw your way up to some sense of normalcy due to an abusive father, or one who neglected to love you for years, leaving you to ask why you weren't loved and accepted. It can take a lifetime to come to terms with that question (why?), and it is a painful, lengthy process. Many never get over it. +5

I think it all depends on what type of father you have. My dad is a cold and distant kind of guy, that spent his time off work doing who knows what. A lot of my friends are really tight with their dads though.

dad was a drunk so...didnt like it to much.

My dad is a very strong and intelligent person. He provides for us (his family) and makes sure we are fed and healthy. He puts us above his job, even. He'll bend over backwards for us just so that we have a safe home to live in. Our happiness is important to him, even if we don't agree with him about what would make us happy. The thought still counts and is still appreciated. I don't like all of his rules, but I know that he's a decent person at his core. That makes it bearable. My dad's helped me out through so much emotionally and he's helped me know how to be a good person. I wouldn't trade my dad for another one if I had the opportunity to do so. I look up to him a lot more than he might even realize.

for me and my brothers it wasn't fun at all, my parents split up when i was 13 it was like a great pressure had been lifted off of my sholders, i was 27 when he passed away and all i felt when told was relief that i would never have to see him again...

Hey Mensan - you can share my father if you like!
He was a good bloke - - worked hard for his family, and did his best to provide for us all. He made sacrifices for his children, was a little old fashioned, took the father role seriously, sat at the head of the table at mealtimes, got involved in his children's activities, was very supportive.

Currently he is in hospital :( Hopefully he will be out soon!
He and my mother have been married for 51 years now!

I didn't have one after I was 4. So you're not alone to not have someone you could have looked up to or looked at with fear.

it has its ups and downs for the average family. like havin a brother or sister sometimes you love em...sometimes you want to take em out back and hog tie them upside down from a tree by there toes... you have your fights and you have your learning experiances

I never had one either.