I'm really scared. I'm 32 and I am sick of fighting everyday for my happiness. I've exhausted my resources, i.e. therapy, medication. I've lost my job, and I'm battling alcoholism. Suicide is the only conclusion I keep coming to. HELP

Visit alcoholics anonymous. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. And by the way, when you're abusing alcohol, it can CAUSE you to feel depressed and suicidal, and can CAUSE you to lose your job and family. So with one big change, you might well see many improvements in your life.

This is a glimpse of my "story". It is a copy of a letter I wrote to my friend Sam. I completely overwhelmed him and he asked me to "Stop" and "Reboot"

I am stopping. I'm being still. When I don't know what else to do, I just stay still. And that means no more drinking for me. A lot has happened to me since the last time we've seen each other. My last relationship was 5 years of pure abuse and unhealthiness. A lot has happened to me in my life. Things you don't know about and things that no one should have to go through. I'm not telling you these things to victimize myself or to have you feel sorry for me. I just want you to know where I'm coming from.

I've been using alcohol to escape for way to long. For so long I have just accepted the fact that alcohol was a part of my life because I was "social". I can command a room like no other when I've had a few, I know my potential there. But the next morning I feel like ass, and forgot half of the things that happened, and most of what I said and did. It's embarrassing for people to say "Hey remember when you did this (random act)", and I have no recall of the event. I'd be a fucking millionaire if I saved all of the money I've spent on drinking. I want to remember what I said and did. I don't want call in to work all of the time because I'm too hungover. I want to know how to cope with life without numbing it all away with glass of wine and a xanax. I want to feel confident without alcohol, and I don't. But this how our generation or people like you and I are, most of our friends. No one wants to admit, or they can admit it, and they just don't want to stop. As best said on Family Guy ~ Let's go drink our drink's so we don't feel our feeling's.

So I say to you now... This is me stopping... This is my attempt at rebooting my system and trying to figure out what makes me happy, because right now, I don't know what makes me happy. I woke up and realized I don't like what I have become. I am at a crossroads with signs pointing in every direction, and I don't know which way to go. I am overwhelmed. It feels like I am breaking up with myself. I feel like Nemo and Dory at the same time... I've got a bad fin and short term memory loss, but I "just keep swimming". I don't want to drown.

As hard as it may be to believe, the problem is not with your life.

The problem is with what your brain is telling you about your life.

Please do not give up battling The Demon (depression). I'm sure there are resources that you have not tried or exhausted yet.

Good luck.

dont find a permanent answer to a temporary problem!! please suicide is not he answer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_moia-oVI&feature=player_embedded

Alcohol is the great fooler that makes you think you're happy when all you are is drunk. Once you sober up you're back to square one.
Skip the alcohol..give it up and if you need to medicate at least try something that doesn't give hangovers.. Hell, heroin is much better than alcohol, but it'll get you arrested quicker for no real good reason. There are all kinds of pain pills that are just as illegal, but if you get addicted you can get in a methadone clinic where they offer you ongoing counseling plus a daily dose of methadone.
All bad solutions actually..

Death actually has no downside for those who die. The downside is ALWAYS for the living because they deal with grief..
I'm not telling you to end your life because you're young. You have plenty of time to turn things around, but you have to have the desire and without that desire I see few reasons to keep the daily struggle up when it seems so hopeless. After all, if IS your life that you were brought into without your consent. I sure have no memory of being asked if I should be born..
The bottom line is do you want to turn things around? If so then you have a lot of work to do, but if not then it remains a hopeless proposition.
I quit drinking some time ago, but my own depression remains and I refuse to be medicated with useless drugs that do nothing but make pharmaceutical companies richer and constipate me more than before..
I deal with my depression one day at a time, never pray because that's only a way of doing nothing but thinking you're accomplishing something...another self delusion..

I've dealt with depression now over 40 years and I'm still alive even though my health is now finally failing to the point where I've lost the joy in life..
Do you have good health? If so then you have a leg up on me and that alone gives you a reason to think maybe you can turn things around..
Keep plugging away and maybe someday you'll uncover the answers so many of us so desperately seek..why keep on living?

First, you have to realize that you are not the only one feeling this way. Many don't feel suicidal, but some do. There are plenty of people who have exhausted their resources in today's economy... Their friends are either in the same boat, or have just gotten to the point they don't want to hear it any more, and/or CAN'T help in any way any more... I haven't had or been able to find a job in six (6!) years, myself. Luckily I have SSDI, but still... I don't have a drug or alcohol problem, but many others do... DO NOT feel that you are alone in being scared and tired. You CAN get through this. You are just depressed, right now. Don't do anything rash when you are depressed.

See the answers to the following (saved in my profile):

Confused, stressed, and anxious to the point of CONTEMPLATING suicide - http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/2772178

Shaking, whole body's trembling - the girl he love dumpedd him and he just wants to die - Why NOT? http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/3385668

No way out i dont expect for u to understand 3 kids no support from no one and will be homeless. who really cares to put me back on track and save lives? - http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/3797171

Sometimes i get upset w myself n my life and i feel like if i werent here the people in my life would be better off w/o me and sometimes i feel like hurting myself or even killing myself what should i do i dont want to feel like this anymore? - http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/5008576

I am so tired. i dont want to do this any more i just want to end it all.i want this all just to go away i jsut want to go to sleep and nevery wake up - http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/1089638 (Great answer - Not mine)

I have a lot of issues and horrible grief with my husband's suicide, which happened last year. I was with him a long time and I don't think I want to go on with my life because at my age (57) its too late to start over. - http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/7566643