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by cristnalyn on March 22nd, 2007

cristnalyn

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I had a big fight with my spouse. There were a lot of sore subjects brought up. Today we are acting like everything is fine. Should I try to get those problems talked out even though it might start another fight or should I just forget about it?

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Answers. 9 helpful answers below.

  • by Anonymous on March 22nd, 2007

    Anonymous

    If you do not resolve the problems now, they will just come back later.

    TALK IT OUT now, while you are in better moods, and if you need a 3rd party professional to help resolve these obviously deep old issues, get one. Otherwise it can poison your marriage over time.

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  • by Mike777 on March 22nd, 2007

    Mike777

    Put all issues on a piece of paper- then put a solution next to it you both agree- then both sign it. Now that issue is resolved (at least on paper).

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  • by Anonymous on March 22nd, 2007

    Anonymous

    you need to resolve the issues or they might come up again in another fight and that would definitely not be good its never good to bring past arguments back. Good luck

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  • by unknown on March 22nd, 2007

    unknown

    I'm guessing that you are a woman. In that case my advice is to let it go. Men do not take things to heart the way women do and he is probably under the assumption that all is well. If he is really hurt you have to wait for him to come to you to discuss it. If you bring it up he will feel that you are accusing him of something. Woment need to discuss things, and get everything out on the table, and have the thing solved through a thorough exam of every side to be sure the right conclusion is met, and everyone involved is ok. Men have no such need. If they say forget about it then that is usually what they've done. If he feels that a resolution needs happen then he will bring it back up later. It is very hard to wait because there are some things that obviously need to be resolved; but, if you make him talk about it on your terms he will get defensive and shut you out. If that happens nothing will be resolved.

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  • by Praetorian on January 7th, 2009

    Praetorian

    Problems that go away on their own - come back on their own.

    Little nagging issues are nothing new, but you should take the chance during the "calm" and try to touch base on them. Go out of your way to make sure it doesn't start another fight, but try to get to the bottom of why it is such an issue. It will NOT just go away and will eventually turn into one big "goodbye" if not dealt with.

    You might need a trustworthy 3rd party to help you two work it out. My wife and I found a counselor we BOTH trusted and respected and we worked out some step-child issues. BEST investment in my marriage I ever spent!

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  • by Daydreamer on September 15th, 2008

    Daydreamer

    YOU need to talk....but he doesn't...right? but this is a marriage with BOTH of you in it... so your feelings count too. Now that you have cooled down you can talk calmly about it. Maybe you need some me rules before discussion so no one gets angry. It's not about blame but understanding where the other ones feelings are coming from.

    My boyf and I had a fight but didn't get anywhere. Next day I suggested that I explain (while i held his hand) HIS feelings on the matter, then he explained MY feelings. I know it sounds weird but it really helped me feel he knew where I was coming from and helped him in same was and no one was under attack!

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  • by armygirl on September 15th, 2008

    armygirl

    yes, it will just keep boilding up untill you have an other big fight and every theing will just happen all over again,

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  • by zazzy_one on September 15th, 2008

    zazzy_one

    I don't think you two can work this out without a professional. I would suggest asking if he will discuss those "trouble spots" with you in front of a counselor.

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  • by Anonymous on April 3rd, 2007

    Anonymous

    oooh that's a tough one.i know how you feel tho b/c i'm in your situation..maybe a little different tho.i would talk to him a.s.a.p!!i believe if your married you HAVE to discuss these things.it's the only way things are going to get better.let him know that talking about it is the only option,and that you must come to a common ground even if it means a compromise between the two of you.

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