Why are Asian parents so strict and uptight? If you have strict Asian parents, how do you deal with them? Do you always have to lie to get out the house?

Man, generalize much? Sheesh.

My parents are strict. We are 3 girls in the family and I guess they have a reason to be strict, they let us understand why they're doing it to us. We don't lie, we tell them the truth. It's just a matter of telling them the truth and compromising for a harmonious relationship. Now, we are all over 30 yrs old. We finished college, we have a degree. We married a wonderful man. It pays to be strict but not too much, because 'rebellion' from the part of the kids will take place.

I really have no idea why either.

They are traditional. MY parents does not let me go out either.

I lie all the time!

Yeah, I have Asian parents.

"asian" does not have anything to do with it
but the traditions come in, so the term "asian" plays a big part.
In Asia, the children respect their parents. And disappointing their parents was their biggest fear.
Growing up in my family, my father set up rules that we had to restate. It's different for every family.

'cause for One of my friends have to put their hands out and have their father wacks their hands...20 times, it's awful but that only happens when they go over board

such as going out, partying.
Asian parents in America are still in thoughts of the old ways back in their country.
Now, asian american children talk back to their parents.
Asian parents want their girls to stay home and cook and clean. They want their boys to study. But they dont see that there's more than that.

My mother always told me that back then "they were so obedient, not like the children now that have became wild as animals."
And from that, the only thing that made a huge change amongst our behaviors are in the USA, we have a little bit more freedom than the Asian communist countries my mother and father grew up on.

Asian parents are still back in those days.
&&they're very scared to see their children dispel gradually and to not succeed like others.

A pregnant teen is a huge disgrace, and your family would disown. And she'll live on the streets.

Well, my parents are from SE asia... I dont know about other asian people from china or japan.
but in my entire I life I grew up knowing I would hate my father for life. Lots of sexism and racism played a rule in my life.

personally i don't think it has anything to do with being asian. my mother was very strict and she wasn't asian.

My parents are sort of strict and uptight. They respect that I have friends and that I want to hang out with them. Sometimes though they get all mad at me for not staying with them.

because family bond in asian are so tight.. no offense meant but by being that tight and upright most asian kids knows how to respect their elders unlike western and european countries which i always see fighting back with their elders in such a young age and knows how to swear for just as their expressions..

not all asian parents doode. my parents are relaxed man

They like math and science. Get rich with math and science.

You can call them upright, or you can call them more responsible. Most Asian parents value education more than you hanging out with friends, so that's probably why.

I'm Chinese and my parents were very strict, but only about my education. It was hard growing up trying to meet their high stands, but it's all worth it in the end, so I have no complaints. On the other hand, they indulge me in everything else.

My sterotype-alarm went off. But I have noticed competitiveness most in asian parents, but usually immigrants or first gen. If you know a bit about asian culture you'll probably have noticed that many want to suceed. Freom what I understand, from asian friend,s being succesful brings honor to your family. So keeping good grades and passing your SATs is a bigger deal than it may be for westerners. Also, there are alot of people, and probably giong after the same jobs. So parents try to do what they can, for the good of the hcild, to make them more comeptitive. if they need to learn english, they take a course at school or go to a hagwon. If the need tutoring, they get it. Parents who seem to do that in the west the most, that i know, are immigrants. And guess what? their children are successful. Most of the parents seem to simmer down after a few years but made sure their children made good grades.

They've been brought up with strict honour codes - to believe honour is v. important and to believe that your elders and parents are like God (gave you life etc.etc.)
They also believe education gives you a good life unlike alcohol etc. my parents are SE asian and no-no on
alcohol under like 30/boyfriends/mixed schools/bikinis/slightly low or strapless tops/short skirts/shorts/too much make-up/parties of the non pass the parcel or with parents variety/sex before marriage (i think)/swearing etc.etc.
yeah it can really suck :/
i hate the whole honour/respect thing, i'm happy with however i dress and being the way i want to be and i don't care what they or their family might think. it's just sad because i know i won't have another chance to have a fun childhood.
i know i don't have it as bad as some but i hate it bc i feel like i want to rebel and not succeed in life just to show them their parenting doesn't work but i won't because i want to succeed and make something out of myself for ME, not for them.
but i know a lot of people with asian parents who are totally fine with the above and normal and lovely
So not all asian parents are strict and uptight
Just quite a few :/

I lived in Asia for two years. I found the parents to be very involved with their children and they loved them very much. Children were valued. The kids were well mannered and respectful, which is something I wish we all were. The mothers were known as "kim's mom", not by their own names.

If the child did something mean or hateful, the mother was shamed, not the kid, because it was the mother who didn't teach them not to do that. They were held accountable for the behavior of their children. Kind, well mannered children bought respect to their parents.

I think that they're so uptight because they were brought up on these customs. Remember, since they were born learning these principles, they may think that even letting you go out with your friends on a Friday night is strict enough. It's worse though if they decide that compared to other people, you're not doing well enough. No offense, but most will compare you with other asian students, and if you do poorly on a quiz, some may pretend that it's okay when really it isn't, and then some are plain outright about it and won't accept it. Even though this all sounds harsh, though, somehow you still get along with them. They can sometimes be pleasant, actually. But then again, social lives are very important, and there will usually be a conflict somewhere in there with your parents. I lie, but I definitely don't feel right doing that. I suggest, if you haven't already talked to your parents about something you disagree with, do that, and if they disagree with you for an extremely irrational reason, you should lie. Just be really sneaky about it, even though it will sometime blow up in your face. =( But hey, what can you do?

From the little I have heard about this sort of thing, you thank god that you had Asian parents. You may not like it that much at the time

I dunno, it just seems to be an asian thing.

Not all are like it but alot are...Like my Asian friends parents:

One of my asian friends mum won't let this friend of ours go to his house cos he is "Scary looking" she says that because he has red, spiky hair and is african.. He is actually not scary at all, he is a very nice guy.

ANother of my asian friends parents threaten to kick him out of the house and disown him if he doesnt get over 75% for every test. Although i will admit for an Asian parent this is pretty soft, most expect over 90%

Another friends parents dont let her go to any of her friends houses or they cant go to hers unless they know that person.

Another friends mum screams at him and calls him a failure if he doesnt get over 90%

Kind of annoys me..Sometimes I feel sorry for these friends, but I remember that they are probably used to it and will probably be like that to their kids.

in police and security shows, the Asians always pull the stupidest lies, its like its their way of life

Not ALL asian parents, are strict. I understand what you mean though because half of my friends are in the same boat as you including me. They are strict because they care about you and they want you to make the most of your opportunities because they never had the same. They will tell you to study hard so you can get the best job for you :) in the end you will thank them for it!

When I turned 18 I was out all the time~ out clubbing, started drinking, got home late nights. This drived mum crazy cuz she had no control over me anymore as I already got accepted into University. When i got my first boyfriend mum wasn't too pleased. I lied heaps, only to go out but I knew how i was going to go home, I made sure I had money and knew the plans for the night so mum wudn't be worried.

Dont worry, in time you will have freedom but just appreciate that they care for you even though it may be hard at the time! If you are going to lie to go out, make sure you've planned how your getting home and don't get yourself involved with the wrong friends.

Theres still heaps of things I can't do, but its improved as the years go by :) you'll get your freedom in time, just make sure you try your best in school/job because thats their number 1 priority!

They are strict because (1) they are afraid of the Western Culture and (2) they want their children to have a good education - so they live their life through them.

(1) Parents still remember how they grew up and still think it is the norm today. They haven't gone back and haven't realized that their society has changed. And when they see things that they are not used to, they become even more strict. Being strict is good, but being too strict has its faults. At a certain age, the parents need to become their child's friend, so the children can come to their parents with problems. Otherwise, the children will just go behind their back, go wild in college (when grades really count), or become very sheltered with poor social skills.

(2) Asian parents (and most people in general) view grades to be a direct correlation to knowledge. That is not true. I met some of the biggest morons with straight A's. The first objective in education is understanding and application. Why we are learning things we are learning? Once we understand something, then we focus on grades, because then it is just a matter of execution and skill. However, an overemphasis on grades are initially placed on children, and that causes unnecessary stress. This is an asian proverb: fast is slow, slow is smooth, and smooth is fast. So to become successful, learn the material first and not focus on grades; then become more proficient at your material; at the end, grades are easy to come by.

Well there's the good and the bad. Asian parents do believe strongly in Confucian values meaning respect etc. That's the good part and something non-Asian parents should learn from.

HOWEVER, Asian parents don't believe in letting their children make decisions for themselves because they believe they know best, and yes for the most part it is true. Children make poor decisions all the time. But that's not the point! When decisions are always made for children, they do not have the opportunity to make any for themselves. Making mistakes is part of life, and Asian parents don't seem to get that. They are conflict adverse and the household is sort of a mini-communist state. This means that when those children grow up and finally have to make their own decisions in life, they tend to have a lot tougher time at it. And, when you have a country of adults who have trouble taking responsibility for their own actions, it does not result in a strong society of decision makers and leaders.

o.o

ya i lie to get out of the house all the time if you do any sport
(band is a sport) just tell them you have a meet or you need to
do something for that "sport' and have your friend drop you off
at school. then call your parent to pick you up, when there no one
at school tell them they all left. i do that a lot ^.^
good luck

i just found this website by googling, why asian parents are unfair. The reason i googled this was my dad has just argued with me for the most obscure reason. he has had a bad day and taken it out of me. i am a british asian girl and first generation (plus a middle child).

It has been tough growing up, as my parents never got the british culture and expected us to adapt to the asian culture without seeing any of it. I was torn throughout most of my life, and i hated the different way boys and girls get treated. I however get that my parents made decisions based on their lack of knowledge and education and fear. trying to always protect us, but you cant always do that. i lied to parents and still do.. I'm 23 by the way.

i was a rebellious kid, and now a youth worker. my parents never get why i chose to study youth justice. however what i do realize is that you cannot change your parents but you can change the way you parent when you have kids. embrace the good qualities and enjoy life.

now all they want is for me to get married.. (so do i really!!!!)

I would leave the house.

Asian parents are so strict and uptight because they care about their family a lot, especially their children. They don't want their children to go crazy and have a bad future. Yeah, sure Asians children aren't as free as American children, but you also got to know is that Asian people are the kind of people who care a lot, especially when it comes to education and family. I am Asian and I do have strict Asian parents. I deal with them by just listening to them. Once you listen to them and do what they say, they become less strict. Also, Asian people trust each other, so we don't really need to lie to get out of the house. Oh, and by the way, all Asian parents aren't that strict or uptight, sometimes, we're a lot fun. If you're an Asian, I bet you would know what I mean.

Asian parents are so strict and uptight because they care about their family a lot, especially their children. The parents don't want their children to have a bad future among them. They don't want anything to go bad, especially education. I'm Asian and I do have strict parents, but to us Asians, we deal with them by just listening to them. Once you listen to them, they become less strict and uptight. Yeah, I admit, it's hard for us Asians, but you know, if you had strict and uptight parents, you gotta know that they care about you. The only way Asians get out of the house is by doing whatever your parents say, that way you can earn their trust in you. Yeah, Asian children aren't as free as American children, but us Asians are gonna look bright in the future. Oh, and not all Asian parents are strict. We tend to have parents too. If you're Asian, you'll know what I mean :)

i kinda know y cuz when your parents friends come over they kinda discuss about u and their children so like comparison and yeh your parents would want to b at the top of the ladder so its mostle a thing of popularity ....and another thing they want u to succeed and that and study , get a good gal etc.etc.

they want us to have a better life. but they wont take human nature as an excuse. just bombed my test for chem because i didnt balance correctly. it was a bad day since i was up late studying for a test. i also got dumped. but once the 68 came out, they didnt care just said that i was stupid. :( it better damn pay off well in the end...

I don't know why my parents are so strict. I feel it though. Like it sucks even more because I feel like they are only strict towards the girls in the family. The guys can do whatever they please. & I deal with them.. well I've always triedto be the good child until recently. I just want to quit. I'm so tired of my parents holding me against everything. I mean they freak out with I spend the night at someone's house, or if I stay out really late. Its ridiculous. I always have to lie to get outta the house. Or sometimes i just leave. I say I am going to go and come back later, but I always end up staying the night. & that is the case right now.....

I'm tired of my strictparents. It's just ridiculous how strict my parents are about what & where I am/do. It's not like I'm gonna get murdered out here..

idk i cant lie to her and i feel so depressed. the only 1 i can talk 2 is my cousin who she never lets me see. shes the only one who knows. sometimes it just feels like shes ripping my heart into pieces.

I know and know of a number of ultra strict parents from a variety of different ethnicities, I also know a number from various ethnicities who are not at all strict.
So, long story short, not all of them are, just a lot of the ones you know.

I know that African parents are strict and i had to lie most of the time to go out on dates or hangout with friends.

My parents are asian, and I fucking hate them so much, they never let me do fun stuff that western teens do, I'm 16 and in my country, I'm legally allowed to go out, move out, smoke, drive YET. They treat me like I'm 12 and that I'm gonna get hurt. Its bullshit and when I do something bad, they don't deal me civilly, they yell at me for ages and they would also tell stories about blah blah blah this kid got killed because of that. And its a waste of time because I never take in what they say because generally its horseshit.

good parents, parenting, is knowing Who you are with, What you will be doing, Where you will be, and the When's .....Lying is a deceptive and rebellous child.....and yeah Roxie , until you are 18 and out of their house, you are their child......
a 17 year old girl, great student, graduating this May , was just ejected from her dad's sports car and killed this holiday....3:oo in the morning....3 others with her , unharmed......where were the parents of all these kids.....? at 3:00 in the morning....the only thing good that could come of this is a 'wake up call' to the kids that survived and their parents....its is nothing more than parental neglect and abandonment and irresponsibility.......
its not just asian.....and not so strict and uptight...its rules, respect and responsibility.......and good parenting......
deal with yourself and those little demons that make you plot and lie .......

well I'm sure no one is actually going to read this but I too have asian parents.
My parents were always (and still are) stict about getting the "perfect" grades and not being allowed to date boys till I finished college (and after I became a successful cardiologist), which is why I am in an all girls school.
They picked my future career when I was just four, and it just frustrates me how I can't choose what I want to be. I actually wanted to be a pyschiologist for children but then my parents got angry at me about that and said that I wouldn't have a successful life if I became a psychiologist. At times, especially when I was little, I would be punished because of grades and there was one time when it was so bad that my dad gave me huge bruises on my wrists and arms, and a minor concussion. But I know that they are strict for my benefit so that I can become successful.
In all honesty, I don't believe that asian parents are the only strict ones, it just depends on how your parents grew up, if they grew up in an environment (like my dad) where he was always beaten if he didn't do well and such, yet I still love them :)