- NEW!
by anonymous on March 20th, 2007
That is disgusting and an outrage. How dare she try and judge you like that? And anyway, you are 21, you have been old enough in the eyes of the law for 6 years. How DARE she. God I am fuming. Yes, call and complain, I would. The f*cking cheek of it!
by mejinn on March 20th, 2007
I agree. Notify the Chief of Staff and file a complaint of the nurse's unprofessional behavior. Her jobs is to tend to patients, not impose her opinions or beliefs on anyone. Call the Human Resources department at the hospital first and they'll direct you on what steps to take.
by puppylover on March 20th, 2007
I would report her in a minute. It is none of HER business, even if you were 12, It would be none of her business. That sounds very strange to. I would be very careful about being around her when the baby is born. Please do report her. She may be PSHYCO!!
by ChrisDG on March 20th, 2007
The nurse is completely out of her jurisdiction, telling you to give up the baby without due cause, as it is against two of the cornerstones of medical ethics, non-maleficence to the patient and respect of the autonomy of the patient.
As to the complaining part, well I'm not well up on how the US system would work. However, I'd be willing to bet it would be her word against yours - hard to prove. If you did complain, I would imagine it may be investigated by the hospital, but if you are seeking financial compensation I very much doubt you could claim anything and the legal expenses could be very large, so I would advise against this.
Although it can be a very significant factor, age is no absolute indication of suitability of parenthood itself - parents *can* be terrible at 40 or excellent at 16. At the age of 21 you are a legal adult anyway, and your decisions are entirely your own to make. I certainly don't think this is too young to have a child (my mum fell pregnant with me when she 21, and look how I turned out!).
However, I don't want to completely discount the possibility that she was advising you rather than telling you and she just doesn't have a good way of speaking to people, or you misunderstood what she was trying to say - when people are dehydrated, confusion is extremely common and although you may have very strong and adamant opinions and feelings about what and how she said it, you should take this into account.
If you are carrying a child inside of you, I'm sure you appreciate the great need to take the utmost care of both the baby's and your life as it grows. Being in a state of dehydration may have made this nurse think you weren't ready at the current time to handle the responsibility - and it is the greatest responsibility anyone can undertake.
Certainly in the UK, such a case could be reported to social services if the medical staff thought that the health and welfare of the child (even unborn) were in significant danger.
Obviosuly I don't know you, or the nurse, or the exact details of the incident, and so I can only offer my (partially informed) opinion, but I must tell you that I can understand both sides of the coin. I realise that such an answer may make you angry but I'm not going to take either side on this issue, without knowing more.
My advice is not to do anything rushed without thinking it through completely - perhaps arrange (via the hospital if necessary) to speak in person with the member of staff - that way she can relay her concerns and why she said whatever she said, and if you did hear her right and it wasn't appropriate, the staff member in question can be dealt with in a suitable manner to make her realise she doesn't have the authrotiy to say such statements.
by Crayon on March 20th, 2007
Absoloutly agree. It is not someone elses place to say when you are ready to have a child. My mother was 20 when she had me. My boyfriends mother was 17 when she had him and he turned out awsome. If i was in your shoes, I would write a letter and make a phone call.
by R U Sirius on March 20th, 2007
That nurse was totally insensitive and stepped out of bounds. Actually it is'nt any of her buisness and he/she should'nt of gotten so personal.
Reporting is totally up to you and how you feel. I'd probably let go and carry on with more important things.
by Katie on March 20th, 2007
I feel for you. I would be pretty upset by the unasked for advice. Go through the proper channels to complain. But keep how she worded it in mind... was the nurse being a busy body, trying to be helpful, or was it stated rudely. You may hurt the nurses career, and perhaps it is needed.
by zee-ster on March 20th, 2007
a complaint may be in order either way, but i am curious: did she just throw out the adoption thing as a possibility or was she actually trying to convince you to do that? i could see telling somebody their options, but not telling them what i personally think they should do!
by unknown on March 20th, 2007
Did she advise you to do it or tell you to do it? If she told you to do it I would complain. That is not her place to say that. If she was offering advice then I'd ignore it and assume she had my best interests at heart. I hope you are well now. I used plain chips kept right next to my bed and ate some before I ever got up. It helped a lot with the nausea. Good luck.
by Singingismystyle on March 20th, 2007
I had my first baby when I was 21, and have enjoyed it very much. Everything's going to be alright. Just make sure your lifestyle is right for your child. Don't ever get to the point where you have to give your baby up, you will definetly regret it.
by Jade on March 20th, 2007
It was unethical and crossed the line. Whether is was good advice or bad advice, makes no difference, she had no business offering any kinds of options even if she were asked.
by FLYxNIGHT on March 20th, 2007
I think, as a health professional, that she is entitled to offer that advice. It's a rare instance of good advice, if you ask me.
by Anonymous on March 25th, 2007
I agree this comment should never have been made to you. you are an adult and its your personal choice.
I have to ask this question, are you a mature 21 year old adult? maybe, the nurse had a reason for making this statement. some people, even though old enough for beer or a pregnancy, may not be mature enough. could this have been the nurses logic behind her statement? i am on your side here, i am just wondering why she made the statement to you.
There has to be a reason.
by Esteban-- Smartest Pumpkin on March 25th, 2007
remember that the nurse in the ER is only seeing a small snapshot of your life. The dehydration was a concern for both you and your child. And in a comment you made "he asked me if i was keeping the baby, my bf and i both said yes we were, and he said "well i suggest that you think of options, your too young to have a baby and it should go to someone who could take care of it." showed that concern.
Now, tone of voice, rolling of eyes and other body language movements are value judgements.
Wrong, but human.
You should ask to talk to the director of Emergency Services and tell them your concern. Be calm, be rationale and be to the point. Remember that emergency rooms are often overly busy with literally thousand of people per week, so if it were an ongoing problem it should be stopped and the nurse terminated or a one time occurence a letter of apology.
I pray that your child is born health to good parents and is loved as much as a child should be.
by MTank411 on March 24th, 2007
Screw her! Don’t take that from anyone, she doesn't know you or your situation. Call and complain and firmly press it to see that she gets reprimanded. If it was my wife she might have popped her and then I would have had to say that the nurse slipped and fell.
by JUSTNORMAL on March 24th, 2007
You are not too young to become a Mother at 21. I worked in an ER for years, and have seen it all. Even if someone is young, and not married it is not the ER's responsibility to get involved in the life of your unborn baby. Their job was to hydrate you, and make sure you are well. I would write a letter to the Chief Of Staff, and the President of that Hospital.
by Sheriff Raff -Answerhag on March 24th, 2007
it's not her place to give you advice or counsel like that. ignore the crazy nurse and do what you and your family agree is best for you and the baby.
by xxxxxxxxxx on September 8th, 2009
Wow, I havent logged onto Answerbag since shortly after this question which was in 2007 and Im surprised people are still answering it. I had my baby and he will be 2 yrs old next month. I think it was the best thing I ever did. I got my act together and Im in college (for nursing) and actually getting married to his father next week who is now in the Army. I do not believe that I should have weighed my options in life and chose abortion. I believe things happen for a reason... and if a person chooses to have sex then they need to deal with those consequences. I do understand there are circumstances though.
As for the Nurse (who was a male) I did call and complain to the management of the hospital and they told me that they would have a staff meeting... so Im assuming nothing happened to the nurse. 21 is not too young either.... it used to be that people were married and began having children at 18 but society has changed many of those traditions.
by gerrik on April 18th, 2007
OMG! She has broken her code of conduct, get her reported. Nurses like that do not deserve to care for people, she has the wrong attitude.
by Anonymous on April 15th, 2007
they tried that with my sis in law she was 15 and the doctor had adoptive parents lined up already its disgraceful and too right you should make a formal complaint
by Miss Cookie Monster on April 12th, 2007
I would most definitely complain. I am a Medical Secretary and i KNOW FOR A FACT she has broken her Code of Conduct. She/he shud never ever voice their opinion without you asking for it. I would complain as she my offend other people and maybe its time she revised what the hell shes doing there in the first place!
by KPCiger on April 12th, 2007
I think you should call and complain. It's not the nurses place to make judgement. Her job is to look after your health...not be a "parent" to you.
by doodlebug on April 12th, 2007
If I were you I would call & complain. She has no right telling you that. I wonder what she would tell me. I had my first son when I was 16 and my second one when I was 18, and i'm just 22 now. Don't worry what anyone says to you. If you are ready to become a mom, that is all that counts..
by Pensacoladiva on April 1st, 2007
You are not too young to have a baby. Obviously you are not to young to have sex... Many females have a baby before age 21, and everthing is fine. Don't listen to the nurse. I would definately call and complain. I would also send a formal letter of complaint to the hospital. Make sure you talk to the highest of the high when you call. Be sure to address the letter to this individual also. I hope that you are not planning on having your baby at this hospital?Lawsuit???
by fuzzy_rabbit on March 24th, 2007
I think that it was cery rude of that person to say that to you and you shuld have the baby (If you really want him/her) and that you should complane.
by CONNIE on March 24th, 2007
I would definately complain to the hospital. A nurse should never let her personal opinion stand in the way of taking care of her patients in any way.
by mousegirl27 on March 24th, 2007
text
by tinybubbles is sitting on the carpet read on March 24th, 2007
I would definately call and complain she had no business telling you to give it up because you are to young. I would have just said to him/her that it is none of your business,just do your job and let me decide on how to raise my baby.good luck to you.
by baulan on March 24th, 2007
I know there are plenty of answers already to your question, but I just NEED to comment. I can't believe anybody (especially a qualified nurse) would have the cheek!! I am myself only 22 and due to give birth in 10 days... That nurse should be reported and fired!!!! Before she makes somebody else's life a misery as well...
by Grammy Robin on March 20th, 2007
I do not think they should be offering advice on how to handle your personal life. You went to the ER for a medical reason.
Especially after reading your comments to other AB members, I feel you should complain. Nurses have no right to be telling you what you should do or shouldn't do when it comes to a situation like this.
It kind of makes me a little suspicious, that a nurse would offer this kind of advice in an ER setting. Please immediately complain.
by Singingismystyle on March 20th, 2007
No nurse has the right to tell you to give your baby up for adoption. If this bothers you and your family definetly let the hospital know. This was not her place. You are more than old enough to have a baby as long as you can take on the responsibilities of a mother. When you see that precious baby, you will most likely do anything to make provisions for that baby. You will make adult decisions, and set good examples for your child. Don't let know one come between you and your baby. If you give up your baby, it will leave a very big scar in your heart.
by Anonymous on March 20th, 2007
If you were 15, then maybe I could understand it (although you were not at the hospital for pregnancy counselling!), at 21 you are an adult, and entitled to do whatever you like.
I reckon you'll have a better time of it being a younger parent as you will adapt more easily than a 40 year old would.
Good luck with your baby, and call to complain.
by annjjones on March 20th, 2007
hey she definately needs reporting, no matter what your age she should keep her opinions to herself, she`s there to take care of patients not make them feel worse than when they walked in,
by Anonymous on March 20th, 2007
There is a federal program called "Title X" or Title ten and in this program, that nurse is supposed to cousel you on the three options that are available to you. I have them numbered but just for the sake of appearance, not in order of importance!
1. Parenting (keeping the baby)
2. Adoption
3. Abortion
Please know that there is a lot more to adoption than most realize. If you have even the slightest interest in that, call an adoption agency and ask them questions. An open adoption is exactly that and many families want the biolgoical mother involved.
If you don't want adoption as an option, that is etirely your decision and that decision belongs to no one else.
I was not there so I do not know how she approached you but it is possible she was trying to tell you about the options and things to think about with an option such as adoption. I don't know. I mean, pregnancy can be a really hormonal time so is it possible you misinterpreted what she said? You can always complain to the hospital about her.
Clearly, regardless of what she said, the interpretation is that you are upset and offended and you definitely have the right to complain.
by Girl4Nowhere on September 14th, 2009
I think it's not her place to suggest something like that, even if it were true, which I'm sure is not.
by loulou on May 30th, 2009
i would be very upset I had my first baby at 20 I must have been really to young then i would complain to her boss that was rude
by Teresa on October 15th, 2008
She was out of line to say that to you. I do think you should make an official complaint. When you call to complain you should speak to her superior, not to her of course, and you should try to remain calm. There's no point in losing your temper: you're just calling to inform them of what the nurse said to you and that you were incredibly offended.
by hhhttt on September 11th, 2008
That is a disgsting comment. That nurse does not to work in the same country as you with those remarks. You have been old enough for 5 years. To be told to just quit on some-thing as important as a child is reprehensible. I am furious just reading that. Talk to the cheif of medicine to try to get her removed. I have a san, Alex (9) and a daughter Sophia (7). I would never give them up for any-thing. This nurse is a disgrace for a human being. To tell a pregnant woman that she will never be a mother is to thought-les for any words. She does not deserve to have that job or to be on the face of this planet. It is absolutey disgusting for some-one to say that.
Talk to the cheif of medicine to try to get her removed.
by ZaraBW on September 11th, 2008
OMG, I am so sorry to hear that you had to go threw that! What a terrible thing for some one to say!
I am 27 now but I had my first daughter 2 months Before turning 21, so I was also a young mother. She is now 6 and a half doing great in first grade. She also has a 3 almost 4 yr old sister and we are praying an other one in the oven right now! Her father an I are still together 10 yrs together 6 yrs married. We have a wonderful family!
So to anyone that says that is to young tell them to kiss you $^(!!!!!!
To a women like that I say if at 18 I am old enough to go fight and die for my country I think I am old enough to raise a child!!!!!
Good luck & God Bless :)
And if I were you I would be one the phone with her boss, expecting a SORRY!!! Big Time!!
by KayleighPotter on August 21st, 2008
I would be straight on the phone making a formal complaint about that nurse and the hospital, how dare she say anything of the sort. It was rude and completely out of order, I was 20 when i first fell and if anyone had said something like that to me there legs wouldnt have touched the ground from the complaint i would have made.
by BigDaddyBS on June 1st, 2008
Complain. The nurse overstepped her bounds... especially considering your age, which should have been on your chart.
by eliesheva on June 1st, 2008
Absolutely call and complain.
by Nicola on May 27th, 2008
I'm 20 years old and am 32 weeks pregnant. Ill be 21 when i have my baby. There is no shame in having a baby at our age and tbh i have been getting loads of jit from ppl coz of my age but if you feel like you are doing the right thing by keeping your child then go for it. Only do what you think is right. Not what everyone else tells you.
X
by Krystan on May 22nd, 2008
21 is like prime child bearing age and a nurse certainly should know that. I am 22, I had my son at age 20. That nurse must have had some kind of stick up her ass. I would call and complain personally.
by Gingerminx on February 24th, 2008
I would not have waited I would have confronted the nurse right there and asked to speak to her superior on the spot.
by Skidiver on February 24th, 2008
Have the baby, and get a good lawyer and sue for everything they have for saying that
by hellsbells on August 28th, 2007
oh my gosh! of course you should complain, i'm disgusted! even if you were fourteen years old it is no business of hers, and her personal opinion should be kept to herself! complain formally this woman should be reprimanded.
by Missy79 on August 5th, 2007
I would definately call and complain. I was 19 years old when i had my first child, he is nine now and i was a very good mother and still am. Evidentally, the nurse doesn't know what she's talking about. I think the age 21 is a great age to have a baby.
by Chihuahua-Lover on July 27th, 2007
Nowadays, 21 is not too young to have a child. I don't believe, it was this nurses place to tell you, what you should or should not do. I do believe, you should report her, for making a judgement she was not entitled to make in the first place. I think she should be disaplined for it.
by loveschimps on July 12th, 2007
I'm with your family complain. I had a similar experience. They MUST take insesitivity training. My daughter had a seizure at a water park, I rode in the ambulance no towel no shoes got to the desk and the nurses first question was WHERE IS YOUR INSURANCE CARD, well let me see I have it here somewhere. I wish I would have complained. This happened 5 years ago. It still upsets me. I wish I would have complained.
MEN: if you could get pregnant,what part would you hate/like the most?
by Bornabrit on January 18th, 2012
| 6 people like this
is pregnancy a blessing or a curse?
by Indestructible8495 on December 26th, 2011
| 3 people like this
How old was your child when you stopped carrying a baby bag for her? How old was child when you gave her own plate at parties?
by Secretive Woman on November 26th, 2011
| 1 person likes this
are you better off having sex before or after you end your period if you don't want to get pregnant?
by annalieze on December 8th, 2011
| 1 person likes this
Whose cells form the Umbilical Cord, The mothers or the childs ?
by JakobA I^_^I the alooney on December 15th, 2011
| 1 person likes this
You're reading Last night i went to the E.R for dehydration, im almost 10 weeks preg. & when i was leaving the nurse told me that i was too young to have a baby & to give it up for adoption.im 21 years old.my family keeps telling to call and complain. what do you think?
Your favorite Q&A site is on Facebook! Become a fan to connect with the ever-growing community of Answerbaggers, share your thoughts and find out what Answerbag's up to next!
Comments
hehe thank you. i think i am going to call.
by xxxxxxxxxx on March 20th, 2007
You'd better, or I'll do it! I am actually shaking in anger!
by anonymous on March 20th, 2007
yeah all of us in the room just looked at eachother, we couldnt believe what he was saying. my moms said told him that she had a kid at 21 and he said "yeah well i bet you can vouch that it ruined your life" she was like "uh no it was the best thing to ever happen to me" and he told her that it was rare to think that. i thought he was a good nurse until that happened.
by xxxxxxxxxx on March 20th, 2007
I'd of punched his f*cking lights out. God I am just... so ARGH!
by anonymous on March 20th, 2007
I agree. It's none of her business what you do with your life. She has no right/room to tell you what to do with your life and your family. I would get her name and information and talk to her boss.
by Penny The Wise on March 24th, 2007
This is an excellent answer, and Jlynn, if you haven't already called, make sure to tell them about what he said to your mother as well. That is a horrible, despicable thing to say.
by donovan reynolds. on March 24th, 2007
OMGs! That's just ludicrous! What an f'n jerk!
by Zandalee.Lonely.Lunatic.3yrs-here on March 24th, 2007
yeah thats horrible. im 21 with a 2 year old, and it would have been hard for me to contain myself after hearing that. The best way to get her back is to try and get hr fired! What kind of nurse is she?
by breianna on March 25th, 2007
That is horrible. The medical establishment is way too arrogant. Great anser. +4
by science_geek on April 7th, 2007
Steeupid nurse...
I've seen people that go to high school, and some at middle school, that are carrying around strollers with babies in them. I mean What the F***? I've recently been in Sex Ed, and the moment you the egg starts their way down the Fallopian Tube, you're ready to have a baby.
Although for the next part (the other side)... maybe, just maybe she was talking to you about the pain of having a baby. Not being ready as in not ready for the hard nights and long days...
Just maybe... +2
by DrkBlader27 on May 29th, 2007
There is a girl who lives in my neighborhood who gave birth at 11 years old.(true, I swear) Now, I could see someone telling her she might consider adoption, she is too young.(I can't see them bieng so snide and horrible about it still) However, at 21 you are well old enough to be a mom. If you wanted to hear about adoption options, you'd have asked for them! Doesn't anyone have bedside manner or courtesy anymore?
by Zandalee.Lonely.Lunatic.3yrs-here on May 30th, 2007
I truly hope you took down the name of the person that told you that. She is a professional and is responsible for everything that comes out of her mouth. What she told you could have and has already had serious mental effects on you. She gave you horrible advise as a treating professional. She and the hospital she works for can be held liable for any harm or mental issues that you suffer as a result of her "advice". You need to go straight to the hospital chief of staff and discuss this with him or her. This is no joke! She is playing God and there is no telling how many other people she has done this to. I would not doubt that if you were 16 then she would tell you to abort. I'll bet she has done that as well. You need to step up and stop her, you may save a childs life
by rselvy on February 24th, 2008
drkblader27 it does not matter what age you are, a person can not be prepared to have a baby, it is just one thing you have to learn while doing. on the other hand, it's unnacceptable for teens to have babys because there is a certain amount of maturity and common sense that is needed to raise a baby, and sometimes even 30 year old are not ready for that.
by titanlady062404 on September 26th, 2008
True, true. But you must admit, there are mature teenagers. There must be at least one or two people who understand the dangers/risks and rewards of having a baby when you're only a teenager. Although it is their decision, there must be some pair out there that understand these things. You can't just go out and say, "They're teenagers, they're stupid, they can't have babies." That's like... ageist... lol
by DrkBlader27 on September 27th, 2008