Ask a Question
or
Create a Poll
  1. Home /
  2. Questions /
  3. Life And Society
  4. / Sexuality And Gender
  5. / Gay, Lesbian And Bisexual Issues
  6. / More Gay, Lesbian And Bisexual Issues

by visitor on March 14th, 2007

visitor

Question

Help answer this question below.

I'm a gay male(not openly)very attracted to my male coworker/friend. He talks straight but I've never known him to have a girlfriend (he's very good looking). Now he's become fast friends with a new straight coworker.I am going crazy with jealousy. Help!

  • Like
  • Report
Share:
Other

Answers. 7 helpful answers below.

  • by Athrael on March 14th, 2007

    Athrael

    Hmmmmmmm.

    So its possible, maybe, because he hasn't dated a girl that he is gay and that he is possibly, maybe, because you don't know about this other guy, hooking up with a possibly, maybe, gay guy who.....

    My head hurts.

    Isn't there some way you can drop a hint without coming right out and saying "Yo Dude, I'm gay and I adore you!"?

    Say like drop the name of a gay club/bar (park, meeting place, web site something that "gays" know and straight wouldn't know too well) and see how he reacts to it (now don't go and pick the well known "fag bar" that everybody in town knows and talks about - pick one that is least known that only guys in the know know about).

    Drop hints "bombs" that only established gays in your area would know - judge his reactions and figure out if he is gay enough to actually tell him in private you are gay.

    As for being jealous, well dude that is on you. See you haven't clued him in on how you feel, so he is most likely oblivious to how his friendship with another dude is affecting you.

    Your worrying about things you ASSUME you know about him which since he "Acts straight" must mean he is straight since your acting straight means that your... well, er, um...

    Unless I got that wrong and you act like a big queen and he hasn't got a single clue to which way to lean..... ;)

    • Like
    • Report

    1 comment | Post one | Permalink

  • by Sheriff Raff -Answerhag on March 20th, 2007

    Sheriff Raff -Answerhag

    Straight or gay, I think the workplace is dangerous territory for love relationships. If I were you, I would seek companionship and love outside ofthe office, it's just safer and won't lead to awkward and stressed situations.

    • Like
    • Report

    1 comment | Post one | Permalink

  • by DA BEN DAN yanggui zi on February 6th, 2008

    DA BEN DAN yanggui zi

    Just because he has never disclosed his dating status to you doesn't mean that he is gay...or even interested in you.So he has a straight friend? You have no 'rights' to him. In any case, at work I would always avoid a relationship..it gets way too ugly when they are over:(

    • Like
    • Report

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by R U Sirius on March 20th, 2007

    R U Sirius

    You need to check your jealousy at the door.

    Becomeing friends with someone shouldn't be grounds for jealous feelings and if you are, then you need to ground those feelings or it's going to hurt you in the long run.

    Athrael said it good--dropping hints and seeing if he bites.

    Good luck.

    • Like
    • Report

    2 comments | Post one | Permalink

  • by Universe Of Life on March 14th, 2007

    Universe Of Life

    Don't beat yourself up and stop wasting your time

    simply ask him, if he is Gay?

    if he is ... then ask him out

    if he is not ... then your anxiety can end ...

    • Like
    • Report

    7 comments | Post one | Permalink

  • by AntigoneRising on March 14th, 2007

    AntigoneRising

    I think you need to examine your jealousy and its causes. How do you feel? Can you sit and really feel those emotions? Where do they come from? Do they come from viewing his new friend as a rival for his affections? Do they come from a place of insecurity about your importance to him?

    It seems to me that no romantic relationship actually exists, so I think the answer lies in examining your feelings, reactions, and the underlying reasons.

    Why have you not told him how you feel?

    • Like
    • Report

    2 comments | Post one | Permalink

  • by chevguyalberta on February 6th, 2008

    chevguyalberta

    hey bud,

    Im in a certain prediciment as well, I am going to explain my situation then give you feedback of a few things that i have kinda done withouth putting my neck, for the sake of my buisness, and myself.

    I am a somewhat closeted gay male and I own a construction company so its not an easy matter to claim. I am verry atracted to a guy i do work with. He is my best friend, companion, likeminded in everything we do. In all my time in the city for 3 years i have went to gay bars, gay social events, and all that crap. And i have never met anyone like this guy. I felt this way about someone since my ex wich was 3 years ago.

    He has made obiouse passes at me like writing my name & his name on a peice of paper over coffee. Talks to me about his crazy ex gf that hurt him all that personal stuff. I ketch him sometimes glancing at me out of the corner of my eye as if to see what i am doing or my reactions are. He gets jealouse and verry watchful where my eyes wander if i happen to glance at another dude. I have known him for about a year now, and only recently has it shifted beyond a friend level. I am invited to every family function he has and are refered to as @#$#$## and @#$@%@%.

    I think in your instance you have to let things happen naturally and you cannot go looking for love in all the wrong places. I wasnt ever really looking but i was expecting to find someone when right below my nose there was someone right there. Although nothing has happend or been affirmed, pay attention to the body language, speach, eye contact and just get a sence for who he is. It dosnt hurt to ask personal question if he is comfortable with you and wants to share personal stuff then you have a great friend. you have to let things work there course.

    As far as being jealouse its only human nature that drives people to alot of stupid things, sexual atraction, is one of them for sure. The question that you truly have to ask yourself is: Is it in my heart, and go with it. That goes for everything. having a crush on someone is healthy caring compasionaltly about a friend is what friends do. If you were in a relationship with this guy my only worry would be that you would deffinatly learn to control or channel jealousy elsewhere. you dont want to control peopls lives but only enhance them. Ask him what he things of the new guy at work. see what his answers are, if u pauses for more than 5 seconds and is short and briks like yea hes a nice guy or something like that short and brisk. I wouldnt worry about the new guy, as bad everyone should have friends.

    You can also just open up to him, tell him stuff about yourself and get to know him as a person on the inside and out. Being closeted and gay often times we repress issues of confrontation. Being a work setting it is verry difficult and you risk lots if you openly ask him. I have said stuff like i havent had a gf since high school. Say something about yourself that is out there like something u like to do that might be light in the loafres. Im a contractor but get to design a bunch of stuff pick colours give people advice thats my job. being gay only allows me the benifit of the doubt. Alot of really closeted gay people are homophobic, and u can sence if the issue is raised about gay people or toppic or subject that they look away, not at the person talking, look at the ceiling or change the subject all together as it never happend. People in this time if they know you for who u are, not what u do speak worlds above the rest. Generally people dont have a problem with your orientation if you dont let it control your life. and is only a small part of the person that you are. if there is an atraction there from bolth sides each will likely be able to open up and it will just happen.

    hope this helps best of luck bud

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

Want to attach an image to your answer? Click here.

Did this answer your question? If not, then ask a new question or create a poll.

More Questions. Additional questions in this category.

You're reading I'm a gay male(not openly)very attracted to my male coworker/friend. He talks straight but I've never known him to have a girlfriend (he's very good looking). Now he's become fast friends with a new straight coworker.I am going crazy with jealousy. Help!

Follow us on Facebook!

Related Ads

Related Questions

Professionally Researched

ANSWERBAG BUZZ

Gay coworker in love with possible closeted coworker
Is my co worker gay
Attracted to a straight coworker
Can t tell if a coworker is gay
Attracted to my male best friend

Answerbag

a Demand Media company