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by dolphinlovr on March 12th, 2007

dolphinlovr

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What should i do cause my friend told me she gets abused by her dad should i tell any 1 or keep it a secret like she told me 2 i dont want 2 be a bad friend but she comes 2 school with bruises all over her face and arms and legs and its really bad?

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Answers. 12 helpful answers below.

  • by littleknown on March 12th, 2007

    littleknown

    Yes, always tell someone. She is afraid of him, but she needs help. Tell someone at the school, like a counselor or teacher, they can report it and it won't show that you were the one that spilled the beans, so to speak.

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  • by R U Sirius on March 12th, 2007

    R U Sirius

    Like littleknown said:

    Tell an official at the school and they'll take care of it. You can't risk someone further harm or even death if you let it persist.

    How would you feel if she died from this abuse? I think her safety over-rules being a bad friend. She may get angry at you but she'll thank you in the long run.

    Even if you lost a friend, in this situation it's well worth it.

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  • by anonymous on March 12th, 2007

    anonymous

    I think the trust your friend has in you is important. When a person is abused, having someone you trust to talk to is essential. I know that makes it hard for you, because watching someone you care about in so much pain at the hands of another person is awful. But the thing is, she trusts you, and to betray that trust would hurt her a lot.

    What I would personally do, is try and talk to her about it. SOmetimes talking about the problem is the best thing to do. ALso though, I think it is important that she gets help, because noone should live with abuse. I would tell your friend that someone must be told, because she can't live this way. It's hard for me to try and avise you what to do next without her reaction to this though. Need anymore help, I will do my best, you just let me know, ok? Feel free to email me if you would rather.

    Good luck, tell me how you get on

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  • by unknown on March 12th, 2007

    unknown

    You have to make her tell someone besides you. She needs help you can't give her. Offer to go with her to talk to someone and don't let her off the hook on this one.

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  • by Yeux on March 12th, 2007

    Yeux

    Try and convince your friend to talk to a teacher, counselor or maybe your mum. Talking to an elder family member might be risky because they might try to protect her father from the law.

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  • by singwell-is off researching a lot on March 12th, 2007

    singwell-is off researching a lot

    if she is coming to school with obvious injuries, I would be surprised if no one on staff has noticed. Please encourage her to talk about it to the school nurse or counsellor. Go with her for support. she needs help and quickly. my heart goes out to her and I am so glad she has a good and caring friend like you.

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  • by danifae on March 23rd, 2007

    danifae

    You are not a bad friend for telling an adult, even talking to your parents could help. See if they have any ideas. Talk to your friend and see if she'll go to a guidance counceler, or a teacher, or even the police, and offer to go with her for support. Does she have family that lives nearby? When I was a little older, I helped get my boyfriend out of his abusive home, and he lived with his aunt afterwards, and never went into state custody.

    Here's a link to a list of domestic violence hotlines, you can call them for more expert advice, and I'd recomend you print out a copy for your friend too (she could hide them in her locker at school if she had to)

    http://www.feminist.org/911/crisis.html

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  • by bowlinggreen on March 23rd, 2007

    bowlinggreen

    Obviously her being abused by her dad is totally wrong, but if you "tell someone" there is a good chance she will end up in the system with CPS (Child Protective Services). It is a sad but true fact that child abusers also gravitate to these 'child helping' services because they know it leads them to a supply of vulnerable kids. I wonder if she has anyone in her family who is on her side. Like an aunt or grandparent. It is just a good idea to realistically weight the pros and cons before taking action.

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  • by Sarita1 Goes Bollywood on March 23rd, 2007

    Sarita1 Goes Bollywood

    Tell.

    If she stops being your friend, then know that you at least are the bigger of the two of you- you looked out not only for someone else, but for a friend.

    Also, if she stops being your friend, don't worry. Perhaps in the futre she will see that you did what you did out of love(you can certainly tell her that too.) Don't wait to hear that she has been beaten so badly that she didn't make it.

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  • by lizizhere on April 8th, 2007

    lizizhere

    Please tell someone, CPS or a counciler at school. I had a friend when I was 6, I knew she was terrified of her daddy but at 6 who usually wasnt. Anyway she had ask me to spend the night with her but my mom wouldn't let me, I tried everything I knew to convince my mom to let me stay with my little friend but she wouldn't budge(thank god). She said the reason was because her daddy was mean to her & her mommy & he drank alot. I said my daddy drinks but she said he's different he's not mean. Much later that night I remember seeing colored lights flashing & I went out on my porch to see what it was, the whole street was filled with ambulances, fire trucks , police. My brother went to inspect what was going on, when he come back he had a ghostly look on his face. Her dad had come home from work & shot her & her mom & her 2 year old baby brother to death. Come to find out later, my lil friend had told her teachers & other adults but at that time no one really believed children. Now they take it much more serious. Please hon for your friends sake help her not to become another statistic. Tell someone anyone before the worst happens.

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  • by fuji66 on April 8th, 2007

    fuji66

    D Lover, You could be saving her life by helping her out of this horrible torture. She has already done a difficult thing in telling you. The shame she bears with this makes it hard for her to see that this is very wrong.

    Take her to the school nurse and principle and ask them to document the bruises and help her get help. Her self esteem has been beaten down too. The teacher should be documenting this too and then they will get the authorities involved. Keep telling until something is done.

    She may say that she will not be your friend. But you are a friend that she can not afford to loose, and when this gets taken care of she will thank you forever. Know that this is a huge chance for you to really make a difference in her life. I applaud you for coming online to ask for advice...you are on the right path....help her to help herself. Bless you

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  • by Wapin24 on April 9th, 2007

    Wapin24

    yes tell someone like ur teacher or sumone u want teh best for ur friend dont u so tell sumone and she thinks ur not a gudd friend thats her u are a godd friend beacuse u are worried bout her and ur the the best for her

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