23 year old friend of mine thinks that he is in love with a 17 year old girl. I tell him that its dangerous territory but he doesnt agree and says "shes got the maturity of a women of 25. What should i do? I love my friend and I dont want him to get hurt!

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• Age doesn't really matter until both guy and girl are over 18 I say lol. Well naw, 10 years is my limit to where my judgements take over.

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  by Anonymous on March 9th, 2007

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• You are absolutely correct.

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  by SusieQ on March 9th, 2007

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• The "sex offender" issue will depend on the country and region. In the UK the age of consent is 16. In other European countries it is 14 (and I believe some countries it is 12). Remember this is an international forum, so don't assume that the questions are coming from the same location that you reside in.
  

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  by Cosimo on March 9th, 2007

• I believe he actually has to have some sort of sexual intercourse with her to "go to jail have to register as a sex offender" as opposed to just touching her, as you have falsely suggested.

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  by Anonymous on March 14th, 2008

• Cosimo shows intelligence.

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  by A on April 24th, 2008

• The age of consent in the U.S. isn't even uniformly 18. In most states it is 16 -- http://www.avert.org/aofconsent.htm

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  by HasntBeen on February 13th, 2009

• in california it is 18, and if i knew someone of that age was after my daughter, i would have the police over this moron's home so fast it would make his head spin. this "child" is after one thing, i'm not impressed. his line that this 17 year old has the maturity of a 25 year old is very transparent. this is the world we live in, a sick one!

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  by autumn leaves on January 5th, 2011

• Interesting you feel that way. I'm 52, my wife is 21. We have a 13 month-old-son. Our marriage is wonderful. What's the difference?

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  by HasntBeen on January 5th, 2011

• how long have you been married? your wife may have the maturity of an older woman, this doesn't mean she was ready for the obligations she has taken on. as she gets older, she may realize she married too young. i know i did, i married at 19. i wish i had married when i was older, i knew i had alot of growing up to do. i didn't allow myself to, later a person ends up regretting it. i did stay married, i have been married for over 37 years, still if i could do it over again i would have waited. the single experience is part of growing up that a 19 year old girl will need. i am not talking about living the life many girls live, with a dozen boyfriends. i mean living as a single person that learns to navigate through life before she decides to settle down with the right man.

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  by autumn leaves on January 5th, 2011

• Have you seen his wife around here? She's one of the most level-headed members of this very website. She has been quite a mature person for quite a while. HasntBeen is also a well-respected member of the AB community. For some reason, I don't think she will regret her decision. She has a man who knows how to help people and who also puts things into perspective when things feel like they are going down the drain. HasntBeen has a lot of qualities many women claim to want in a man.

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  by A on January 6th, 2011

• Why thanks, AG :)
  
  @autumn leaves: I'm not really here to have my marriage evaluated. The point I was making is that "one size fits all" advice in the matter of relationships is risky. Unless you know the people involved, you can't really say. Young adults, old adults, and children all develop at different rates: some are practically ancient by the time they're 20, some get to 40 and never grow up.
  
  I don't go around recommending big age gaps to people, or early marriage to anybody. But there's a quality of having an open ear that just can't be replaced when you're thinking about judging others relationships.

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  by HasntBeen on January 6th, 2011

• You're welcome.

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  by A on January 6th, 2011

• i don't care how "mature" a 19 year old girl seems, as she gets older and actually matures she will realize she married way too young. maybe if she had been 30, then you can say she had a certain maturity, that will ensure she made the right decision. and that's all i am saying. don't accuse me of what i am not saying. no where did i say that your marriage will fail as you are saying. you are having a hard time understanding you married a "girl" not a woman. let me know in 10 years how things are. i certainly hope you two both are still a couple. you will have shown that you have beaten the odds. it will help that you are the mature adult. you need to be very patient, and understanding of your wife. from what i read she sounds like a very special young woman! believe it or not i wish you all the success. i highly recommend you draw close to the one that can help you succeed in this crazy world. "draw close to God and he will draw close to you"....(james 4:8) for more information go to www.watchtower.org & www.jw.org.

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  by autumn leaves on January 6th, 2011

• Throughout history, the majority of women have married significantly younger than that. I'm not aware of any massive realization dawning later. Where is the historical evidence that they all woke up one day and said to themselves "dang, that was early!"
  
  All you're doing, as far as I can tell, is speaking from your own cultural conditioning. The additional Bible citation is subsequently irrelevant and condescending. Nobody made you the judge, in other words.

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  by HasntBeen on January 6th, 2011

• @AL: The Bible actually commands wives to show reverence to their husbands and husbands to to love their wives as they love themselves and as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. I don't remember it ever saying "Regret marrying young because you didn't have enough time to be single." I agree with HB that you seem to be speaking from your own personal experience. My mother and father married in their early twenties and they are still together, more than 30 years later. Do they wish they would have waited until they were older to get married? Not that I know of. They decided to get married so young because they were already living as though they were and they did not see what difference it would make. A circumstance where a marriage was beneficial to both of them also came up because of a stupid law at the time.

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  by A on January 6th, 2011

• okay, as i said let me know when your wife turns 30. doesn't mean you won't still be married, that's not what i am saying. as i said i am still married even though i did marry young. i don't know of a single case when the girl at stake later realized and wished she had been older. the bible though sanctions the union of a man and woman, it also encourages singlehood at least for a while. maturing to adulthood takes years. especially spiritual maturity comes with years. it is important that a human reach emotional, mental, and the spiritual maturity required to truly say one is mature. at 19 this is hardly the case of any human. as i say i wish you the best, take care.

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  by autumn leaves on January 6th, 2011

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• Good one!

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  by UneFille on November 17th, 2008

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• Even if she is at the 'age of concent' He is over 18, therefore he can be charged, since she is a minor and he is an adult.

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  by medicgirl on May 23rd, 2008

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• Good answer xx

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  by xx_babygirl_xx on June 4th, 2008

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• Well an update on this, The same guy i was with, at 18..im 20 now and he will be 25 monday. We just got married on September 20th after being together for almost 5 years. My parents absolutely adore him and so does my entire family...and i have a HUGE family...so being young and in love is ok...i know its been a LONG time since this question was asked...but i wanted to add this in there to let you all know that it can work out for the better.

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  by gamergirl on November 26th, 2008

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• A female, i think that because i am a female i am especially sensitive to this issue. I know what its like to be a young girl being approached by an older man. Its flattering as a child and it is easy to fall for a mature man who knows "all the right things to say". I just want to know if i am over reacting or not.

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  by Anonymous on March 9th, 2007

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