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by anonymous on July 23rd, 2009
If that is your idea of cheating, then in your relationship, it is cheating. There is no uniform code about what is ok and what's not. If it makes you feel bad, then it's obviously not ok with you. I personally don't mind that my b/f watches it, because I think it's a pretty normal thing for a guy, and even women to do. As long as your relationship in the bedroom isn't suffering I think it's okay. If he would rather look at porn than have sex with you, that would definitly not be okay with me.
by Zombies on July 23rd, 2009
Porn only has a place in the relationship if both parties approve of it. A relationship is a contract between two individuals. If you two cannot meet eye to eye on it, you may consider tearing up the contract and finding someone better for you. If he knows how you feel and still does it, he has no respect for you and little self control. Do you really want someone like that?
by FoolishOne on July 23rd, 2009
Pretty much every man that has internet access looks at porn. By that I mean, 99% of the men in the developed world look at porn. End of story. Most men crave at the very least virtual sexual variety. It's nothing against you personally. If he enjoys looking at different people have sex with each other now and then as an entertainment diversion, it's very unlikely he is ever going to stop. It's evolutionary. There have been different forms of porn going back as far as pre-biblical times. Where it becomes a prolem is when he prefers the virtual sexual thrill of porn over the real sexual thrill of you. Then there is a major problem with him. If, however, he still is in love with you, and having sex with you, and you're hung up on the fact he looks at porn like pretty much every other guy onthe planet earth, you are the one with the problem.
by Anonymous on July 23rd, 2009
As a guy I recognize two things: 1) If the lady doesn't herself like porn or is uncomfortable, its cheating. 2) The objectification of women reduces them down to the status of objects, not people, and that mentality doesn't suit a relationship.
by Windoze_Free on July 23rd, 2009
Pornography is not a positive thing in any relationship. The way it makes you feel is proof in itself. There are some women who pretend that they like it, but I'm sure they don't enjoy it any more than a guy enjoys seeing some other guy all up on his girl. Granted, some sicko guys may get some thrill out of that but they're the disgusting exception. Human decency does not approve of or condone sexual deviation, not even one's tacit support of it by being entertained by it. Sexual relations were given as a gift for married couples as an expression of love between the two and to populate the earth. Not for anyone with an internet connection to be oogling at the sight of such a sacred and beautiful love expression. The fact that such a high percentage of guys are frequent viewers of porn doesn't make it right. I know that a lot of people smoke marijuana. That doesn't make it legal or healthy.
by Bob the fish on July 23rd, 2009
I am a man in a relationship. I don't watch porn and I don't masterbate.
My girlfriend is all I want and need. No woman compares because she fully satisfys my needs and anything else is not worth my time.
It is my opinion that every girl deserves a man who sees her the way I see my girlfriend and vice versa in return.
by Alice on July 23rd, 2009
Porn is important in mens life because they want to be the pleaser. Porn is superficial in a sense but a man loves a freak partner so do not feel inadequate just learn to enjoy and experiment...
by Anonymous on July 23rd, 2009
you should ask him to stop, it's really not good I think
by Kitten on July 23rd, 2009
I do not think porn is a bad thing at all. Unless he is crazy addicted or something. But maybe he is trying to get ideas for your sex life. Maybe he wants you to watch it with him to try new things. Porn can be great for a relationship if you both get involved.
by NanoPlasma on December 11th, 2009
Faster and faster internet speeds, the whole total development of Internet and file sharing etc. etc. etc. is based on a great extent in porn. Either you like it or not, learn to coexist with porn.
We men love it, it is easy and accessible way of joy. If we like it we jerk off and that's it. No one gets harmed. If we dont like it we look further for something else.
Accept the main difference between man and woman. Men have a guarranteed orgasm in every event, women dont. We get pressure in our genitals everyday, we need to get the juice out, you can handle it in another way.
Negative answers, rejections blah blah blah etc make it hard for us, so we enjoy better watching porn, it is sometimes cheaper than dating. (LOL)
by Nice Guy In Bay Area on July 26th, 2009
It is a form of cheating! It is lusting! The Bible says that if you have lusted in your heart, then you have already committed the sin!. Dump the guy and get yourself a man.
by Tveg on July 26th, 2009
Hi Kirababe,
Did you make a call? Just a Y or N is fine.
by Marky Mark on July 23rd, 2009
Why take it personally when it's really nothing to do with you...personally. Why be negative about your boyfriend being himself? Why feel as if you should change the man you fell in love with? You're just going to drive him away from you. Many women add spice to there relationships by accepting the things their boyfriend likes and learning to enjoy them with him. My advice is: Don't cause problems where there are none.
by Ironkettle on July 23rd, 2009
Why don't you watch porn?
by urk on July 23rd, 2009
There may be no place for it in YOUR relationship, and that is the only one that matters.
by guitar_player2009 on July 23rd, 2009
My thoughts is you two would have a better life if you would do what me and my women do, watch porn together. It adds spice and the two of you will enjoy each other more if you just accept it.
by NanoPlasma on December 10th, 2009
There is nothing wrong with porn.
If you have an active sexual life and keeps you happy, let him have his personal collection and time for watching it. All men love porn, and love even more doing what they learn on these films.
I d propose to add some spice on your bed, so that you get more piccante moments. Then any sort of replacement when a man feels filled and complete, becomes uneccessary. I think ?!
by laaayla on November 8th, 2009
Why do you feel you have to learn to live with it? Does he know how you feel, yet he does it anyway? It is so unlikely that he is going to change. You might want to find a boyfriend who finds you more interesting than pornobabe.
by Anonymous on November 4th, 2009
Guys like porn. It is that simple. As a woman you read WAY too much into things like this. To your guy, porn is no different than bacon. Your guy likes bacon, porn, football, cars, etc. It is just a thing he likes, a hobby of sorts.
He isn't cheating on you. You may as well be saying he is cheating on you with ESPN.
Try watching it with him. If you like it, great, if you don't, so what? Just treat it like some other thing he does that you don't give a crap about.
by gabby on October 24th, 2009
my husband and i were married 24 years and sex became infrequent when he lost his job...he became addicted to porn and stopped wanting me. took pictures of himself and set up a dating profile on a swingers site. starting seeing men and woman. i blame porn. i think over time it is a rats nest for some men and it becomes an addiction. prior to me finding out i could sense the change in our love making. it became more rough and he started asking me to wear things to turn him on. i am a very young looking 50 year old and still have a good figure...this addiction is a downward spiral based on lust and selfgratification and low self esteem..talk to your bf about how you feel
by zyrblue on October 23rd, 2009
Ok quite the wide field of responses here.
I'm going to couch my response using the term sexual relationship however it goes beyond applying it to just the sexual side of a relationship.
If a sexual relationship is going to be a successful, loving, and satisfying experience for the people involved in it, a couple of things have to be accepted. Simply put they are:
Each of the partners has their own reality.
Each of the partners has their own needs.
Each of the partners has their own feelings.
All of the above must be accepted, respected, and seen as having value.
A successful loving and satisfying sexual relationship has to be important enough to the people involved to have all of the above items incorporated into it. If not either one or both of the partners is going to end up being hurt and resentful.
A "serious" committed and loving sexual relationship is about meeting each others needs. This requires love, patience, understanding, communication, honesty and work in addition to the 4 items noted above.
The feelings that you are having are not uncommon but you need to really examine and get at the heart of what exactly it is that you are really feeling and why. I would just off the cuff from reading your statement suggest that the "core feeling" or if you prefer at the heart of this might be a feeling of fear. For example the fear of losing your boyfriend to someone else. Only you can really get to the core feeling or at the heart of what it is that you are feeling though.
As your boyfriend is looking at porn and as you say that is a fact, then you need to have conversations with him about the whats and the whys of porn for him. Notice I said conversations as it will probably require several conversations to get at his whats or whys. Be paitent as (sorry guys) alot of men are not very self aware (if I may) as to the whats and whys.
These conversations have to be had within the parameters noted above. Far to often people do not have conversations, instead they have accusation or blame sessions. These sessions involve statements or thoughts that are made with the intent of laying blame, causing hurting or for invoking guilt or shame, sometimes we are not even aware that, that is what we are doing. They bring out feelings of defensiveness instead of openness and tend to go nowhere positive. Having a conversation is communicating with your partner as means for trying to learn about and having a deeper understanding of them and yourself. Conversations are thoughtful and insightful and do not involve blame, hurting or invoking shame or guilt. You need to be ready as well to express to you partner your feelings about his looking at porn within the same conversational parameters.
Yes there can be a "place for porn" in a relationship but at the end of the day it is the two of you who have to decide if there can be a place for it and what that place is. It is not an easy journey. There are some good books out there on the subject, beware though there is also a lot of self righteous crap too. As this can be such an emotionally charged subject looking into NVC-non violent communication as a way for having these conversations may be helpful as well.
So allot of work only you can decide if the relationship is worth it or not but try to remember a good sexual relationship is about meeting the needs of both partners not the will of only one.
Good Luck, from someone who has been there and lived to tell about it.
by Anonymous T on October 15th, 2009
Depends entirely on You.
.
I would like to know WHY
do You think it's cheating
and why do You feel inadequate
now in the bedroom?
Could You explain what do You
think You are lacking?
by BlueEyedDevil on August 11th, 2009
Ask him why he looks at it? If you feel so strongly about it, just tell him. Don't feel inadequate about yourself. My husband and I have talked about it many times. I felt the exact same way as you, so I told him how I felt. I said it bothered me, and asked if he minded if I looked at porn then? And of course lol he doesn't want me looking at another man's "body parts." So I said that is exactly how I felt. So it ended up being a mutual feeling.
On the other hand, my friend and her husband watch porn as an intimate thing. Together they experiment and it arouses them to watch it together. I understand you may not be comfortable with it, but maybe you should try and watch something with him. This may expand your horizons a bit and possibly get you more comfortable in the bedroom. I feel there is a place for porn. But I rather it be a video or picture of me than another woman. It just depends on "your" own sex life and partner.
by Windoze_Free on August 4th, 2009
Just to clarify a little bit: I din't say that pornography is wrong because "I say so", but rather because of what I've learned from the bible. I guess I'm just an old-fashioned Bible-reader. Please forgive me for imposing the bible's views on everyone's freedom and liberty of choice (no sarcasm intended). Really though, I did not mean for this topic to go as far as it has. I don't disagree that pornography is very popular. Nor do I disagree that each person is allowed to make his/her own decisions about entertainment (how ever out of harmony with the principles that I choose to follow). I admit that my reaction and response to the question were inspired by what I've learned about the bible and my God's views on such material. I did however, additionally take into account the opinions of others (outside of my religion) that I have talked to on the subject, including television programs and the published reaction of the originator of this question. Thus I felt comfortable generalizing more than was fair. Please forgive me for any offense caused by my response as it was not intentional. Although I have very strong feelings about pornographic material, I do not mean to sound dogmatic or to push my opinion onto others. I was merely voicing my opinion to the question that was raised. As far as my use of descriptive terms regarding pornography, I think that millions of people would be in agreement. That still doesn't make it polite to point the finger and call names. I genuinely wish you a good day.
by roiboysatx on August 2nd, 2009
i think that with the internet available so easily, many men watch or look at porn. i wouldn't be so obsessed with your bf watching it, unless its excessive. it can be a great arousal and lead to foreplay and better sex. men are visual animals and like to be stimulated, most don't really mean anything by looking at porn. i think you should tell him if it bothers you. if he really loved you he would either stop or at least be discrete and hide it from you.
by nrwizard13 on August 2nd, 2009
ok here is the equation for this problem...........
number of times he watches (out of a week) times the number of times you want it but he dont (out of a week) then subtract a random number for how much you love/like him out of a ten!!! if this number is still too high then............oh whatever men like porn its just something we have to do. just like looking at a hot girl that passes by even though you will hit him for it. or playing video games its just part of having a penis. we dont get mad when girls spend hours on facebook or watching the Notebook cause that guy "is so sweet and cute". oh let him be well of course unless your not getting any then you should just Beat him up. ROFL LMAO
by randomness - is now a Maestro on August 2nd, 2009
Don't be worried about it. Cheating, to me, is choosing another person over your s/o. Porn is not cheating to me, and I doubt your boyfriend sees it that way either. To him, porn is probably just for stimulation. The majority of guys watch porn and masturbate.
Don't feel inadequate either. If he didn't want to be with you, he wouldn't be with you. The real thing is better than porn any day, and I can pretty much guarantee you that he likes you better than he likes the porn.
And yes, porn can have a place in relationships. Porn can give you new ideas, and it can be a good experience to watch it with a partner.
If this really concerns you, talk to him about it. He will explain to you why he watches porn, and what it means for him. This will most likely lay your fears to rest. If you don't believe me when I say that he DOES prefer you, ask him. Let him know that you are worried about this. Communication is the key to any relationship. He may be unaware that you feel this way.
by JakobA I^_^I the alooney on July 26th, 2009
Guys slobber over porn the same way girls coo over babies, it activate instinctive triggers and makes then feel good.
And the porn models are not your rivals, anymore than the girlfriends baby you coo over stops you from loving your own kids.
Oh, and you DO measure up to them. Because you are real, and there, and (I hope) an active participant when he does have sex. ;-))
regards JakobA
by Eddie O. on July 26th, 2009
ahahahahaha i know well what i say or what I"am starting to think is for us boys or for those of us who wacth porn is like trying to meet a girl without having a conversation. We just wacth what we like to wacth in order to find a (hear me now) girlfriend or trying to find that special somone maybe a wife :0 LOL yep we all try to find something in porn to fill us boys or those of us who wacth it. To being honest i"m going to stick with having to see my girlfriend (with clothes on or clothes off) porn just seems to be boring after a while or after you have seen it for a while for some it gets boring like for exa. for me porn gets boring.
Eddie Jul, 26 2009 at 12:58 PM [Edit]
I forgot to mention porn can be a way of cheating to some degress it "depends" it either can be a way of cheating also can be called neglect "} or other times it can't "}
Posting Comment...
by Phoebe-Caulfield on July 26th, 2009
I think porn is kinda gross and it looks stupid but I don't think its cheating. I don't think you should feel inadequate but for me he would have to look at it infrequently for me to be cool with him looking at porn. Just because it's kind of a waste of time.
by Fonzie on July 23rd, 2009
Porn may not be cheating for him, but it seems to be for you. We all have different values, and on this your values are not the same. If he can't stay away from porn, then there is likely some level of addiction. If so, it WILL get worse. I got hooked on porn and it kept getting worse. I'm no longer addicted, but it leaves me a little biased.
Cheating on someone can mean different things. For you, it's cheating if he has to get some physical or emotional need met apart from you.
by Anon on July 23rd, 2009
Interesting. Usually it's guys who feel inadequate as a result of porn.
There is a place for porn in relationships. Both males and females are stimulated by porn.
As long as he isn't doing something insane like choosing to watch porn instead of seeing you, then there is no issue.
by Gingerminx on July 23rd, 2009
Porn is an extension of fantasy only. Its like using a vibrator to masturbate. Unless your boyfriend is addicted to porn or prefers it to you, then the problem is yours. I am sure he has always watched porn and I am not sure why he should stop because he has a girlfriend. I have been married for 24 years and I watch porn. Sometimes my husband an I will check out porn together sometimes I check it out alone. I do not expect my partner to look or act lie the males in porn, in fact that would be a huge turn off and I know he does not expect me to look like or act like the women in porn. You feel it is a form of cheating, you feel inadequate, obviously your boyfriend feels differently.
by Tveg on July 23rd, 2009
Kirababe,
You need to keep in mind that guys are wired a bit differently than you. Just based on your pictures, and AB activity, you are intelligent, sweet, and VERY SEXY! Honestly, the first time I read your profile after the Betta discussion, I thought to myself what a lucky guy he is! He doesn't do it because you aren't enough for him in the bedroom! It actually probably enhances his feelings for you. Just as you have a difficult time understanding how he can do such a thing, as a guy, I have a difficult time understanding how you could come up with the words cheating, and inadequate! Do you think the words sweet and intelligent come into his mind about those girls? Guys are very visual, and separate the physical from the emotional.
It's great that you are being open about such issues, and seeking added insight into the male psyche instead of bottling it up inside.
I apologize, my friend, I'm adding this after reading some of your comments to others. I wish I would have read them first! I'll leave it in anyway. Tell me, is the porn something he watches a few times a week, or is it a number of times a day? It sounds like there is much more to the situation than just the porn causing a problem unless he is really addicted to it. In studies of porn addicts, they have found that yes, it does end up changing the guy's relationship with women, and what he expects from them. Porn addiction is a powerful, and serious psychological illness, and has ruined many relationships without intervention. If it is porn addiction, and he is not open-minded to getting help, you owe it to yourself to get out before you are hurt even more. That situation is beyond your control.
It really sounds like both of you should go to a counselor to find out what is at the root of the problem, and if he won't YOU should on your own. Something is seriously wrong in your situation where he has changed so much in showing his affection (and lust) towards you. You deserve more than that! You are better than to stay in a relationship like that, and do nothing to find out what is the problem. Sorry to say it, but he may also be acting in this manner as a cover-up for wanting out. Give me some more information, and I guess kind of ignore most of the first paragraph. Wait, don't ignore the part about how you come across as being in the category of EXTREMELY sexy / sweet. That is such a desirable quality!!!! Say it to yourself a few times. I know many here would say you have those qualities. Oh, don't forget the intelligence part, and throw in compassion. You are one of the first on AB I saw seriously take into consideration the logic of something such as the Betta fish discussion.
I hate to say it, but my instinct tells me it is not surprising there is a big burble if you two have been together five full years at your very young age. Let me know more information, and I will give you my opinion for what it's worth.
Platonic cyber-hug, sweetheart!
by OldCW wears The COAT of the Cosmos on July 23rd, 2009
It bugged my wife that I looked at porn as well. It didn't stop me of course, I just got more discrete. She got over it and now she doesn't care anymore.
The fact of the matter is that it is your problem, not his. You're the one not being accepting of someone for the way they are and you're the one trying to change someone else to make yourself feel better. Keep it up and you lose no matter what happens.
Hint: looking at porn is somewhat stress related. The more stress, the more porn.
by Killura on July 23rd, 2009
My girlfriend has a porn stash, she is awesome
by Firebrand on July 23rd, 2009
I am sure many men in relationships watch pornography and in many relationships their partners watch the porn with them.
by klkl on July 23rd, 2009
..yep, there's a place for it but only if everyone
concerned agrees upon that place...
by schmee2369 on July 23rd, 2009
If you dont like it, you dont havta put up with it.
Fact is...if he knows you dont like it, and dont approve...why would he still look at it knowing the way it makes you feel?..
well...he wouldnt.
He is cheating on you in a way by picking porn over your feelings.
If he doesnt change for you I would leave him...becuause he doesnt care about your self esteem, the way you feel...or show his love for you by changing to make you happy.
there is no place, becuase it will only make you unhappy...and him selfish.
by brittany on December 9th, 2009
HI, I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM AS YOU. I FEEL AS THOUGH I AM BEING CHEATED ON. BUT I CONFRONTED HIM, I TRIED TO IGNORE IT, BUT THAT DIDNT WORK. NOW THAT WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT IT WE ARE BETTER THAN EVER... IF YOU GUYS ARE HAVING SEX ON A REGULAR BASIS, THAN I'M SURE THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. HE DOESN'T WATCH PORN AS MUCH AS YOU THINK!
My boyfriend watches porn,sends and receives pics and video but I've totally lost any sexual attraction to him because of it. What to do?
by Tmarie27 on November 12th, 2011
| 1 person likes this
A Catholic Church owned publisher is reportedly selling Porn Novels. Does this surprise you?
by calicorey on November 6th, 2011
| 1 person likes this
I've sent my boyfriend x-rated pic of me,are there web sites he can post them on? Wouldn't that be illegal without my knowledge?
by betrayed1 on December 16th, 2011
| 1 person likes this
do you watch porn alone or with your S/O
by d1984 on November 2nd, 2011
| 1 person likes this
have U try having sex while watching porn??
by melahel on December 4th, 2011
| 1 person likes this
You're reading I'm having a hard time learning to live with the fact that my boyfriend looks at porn. It feels like a form of cheating to me and I feel inadequate now in the bedroom. Is there a place for porn in a relationship? What are your thoughts?
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